what is a dom and sub to you.

articfox97

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I was having a rather interesting conversation earlier and it really got me thinking About what a dom or a sub is to different people. For me i think of us Doms as kings or Queens. We must be ambitious and have dreams far grander then normal people but not lose sight of whats in front of us, we have to show drastic extremes delivering bouth pain and pleasure kindness as well as handing out punishment. Also we can't just rule over are subs but we must lead and guide them. After all even a sub has pride a master that can only break that pride is unfit to be a master rather then break a subs pride you should make that sub have pride in being your sub.I also feel that a "king/queen" has to be greedyer then anyone else they must have the desire to make their sub truly theirs in mind and body but at the same time they mustn't do so using force or cruelty but with your charm and passion your very "dreams".

And the last quality i think that makes a dom a king is this you have to have a "soft gravity" to you. The ability to draw people in and express you idea's and ideals without crushing them underneath as well as to make people feel safe around you and open up and not be afraid to just say how their feelings.

Anyways i want to hear all of your opinions on the matter so leave some responses down below ladys a gentleman.

Of and if anyone feels like chatting pm me here or kik articfox97 and just say you're from kink talk and you want to chat i am more then happy to talk about almost anything.
 

luckydare

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Definitely agreed

There is no meaning of having a slave if they aren't proud of being our's.
 

The Dandy

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There is no meaning of having a slave if they aren't proud of being our's.

I'll agree with you there, I think it means a respect and pride for the other. A sub is proud to have the master they have, and wants to always please them (hence the respect). While a master has pride in how well trained their pet is and how submissive they are, but always wants to reward and threat them well (respect). It all flows on a underlying consent and respect.
 

vectorxfiire

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To me the whole BDSM is an agreement based upon trust and respect. My purpose as a Dom is to guide, train, develop, encourage, push, protect, discipline and educate my submissive. My responsibility does not fade when my submissive acts out, disappoints or decide to move on, I choose to be there as needed.

A Dom needs to be someone who commands respect and presence when they walk into the room. This is not based upon false pretences or titles that we call ourselves, but from experience and reputation. A Dom does not need to build a false persona of who he/she think they are, but they need to embrace how others including their submissive see them. A Dom is also someone that shouldn't be above receiving criticism on his attitude, behavior or actions and should be able to adjust and correct when it is not becoming.

A Dom is someone who has walked the edge of darkness with his submissive, at times have crossed it, but has never attempted to force someone into this darkness without consent. A Dom should not only be a disciplinarian, if you are always discipling your submissive you are missing something. Either the submissive has no respect and this is a game, or the submissive doesn't feel safe to tell you they enjoy pain.

I disagree with the opinion that a Dom needs to be a King or a Queen, there have been many Kings and Queens in history who has never earned the title, nor should they have been in the position of Power. This goes with today's "Doms" there are to many who call themselves this and don't understand the complexity of the dynamics involved. I see a good Dominate as Guardian, a Leader, an Alpha.

-V
 

CuriouslyInterested

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This is something I ponder a lot, only because I see the terms thrown around so much. It's truly a difficult question to answer, simply because everything about dominant and submissive interests are so personal, there are so many different styles and reasoning behind the desires, and that's all before you throw in the varying kinks. Then there are the varying degrees of commitment to the roles, from bottom to slave, top to master. I think everyone's definition of their own domination or submission will vary but both have universal traits and characteristics that can be used to define the general terms.

I think that droptokon phrased it well in his "How the game works" blog post. (Found here: http://www.kinktalk.com/talk/blog.php?b=3114)
If you're a Dom then act like one, don't post all over the place demanding or even worse begging for subs. Make your presence noticed and they will come to you. Respect has to be earned, you can't just turn up and shout "I'm a Dom, bow down before me!" everyone just laughs at that.

True subs just love to serve and obey, true Doms command respect quietly and without fuss.

I also think you expanded on the Dom part here.
And the last quality i think that makes a dom a king is this you have to have a "soft gravity" to you. The ability to draw people in and express you idea's and ideals without crushing them underneath as well as to make people feel safe around you and open up and not be afraid to just say how their feelings.

Doms get satisfaction from the control they are allowed of others. This control is used to guide, protect, and expand the potential of their submissive. They inspire this submission in their words and actions. It doesn't have to come with intimidation, a dom uses a submissive, they do not abuse anything. True dominants don't demand submission from anyone, they inspire it. There has to be an air about them that they are able to receive the power granted to them in an exchange. This does not necessarily mean cocky, demanding, ungrateful, entitled, or so many other assumed things. It is commanded from confidence and the appearance of trustworthiness. It's not an act put forth, it's obvious from interactions with others and with the seriousness they display regarding their responsibility.

Submissives get satisfaction from serving others and/or from releasing the control they consent to give dominants. That doesn't mean a sub has no desires other than to serve someone, it also does not negate the fact their likes and dislikes should always be taken into consideration in play. It also does not make them any less submissive to have limits, whether it is one or a hundred of them. A sub can truly want to release control and still insist upon upholding his or her personal standards of safety and comfort in that service. Most of all, it doesn't mean they have a desire to serve or release control to just anyone, they grant this power to a dominant they trust to take and use the power accordingly.

If you think the extent of being a dom is writing and directing your very own customized porn, you are not a dom. If you think the extent of being a sub is following masturbation instructions, you are not a sub. There is a role on each side of the coin that comes with responsibilities. Without that role and responsibility, when we rely on specific actions and kinks alone, we are tops and bottoms or sadists and masochists. There isn't the desire for control from either party, only a desire for a specific kink to take place. It's the control and responsibilities that create doms and subs.
 
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articfox97

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I am glad i at least got a few responses and most are fairly well thought out i hope to see some more intresting answers.
 

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