Ok first this sounds a bit strange but still it seams to be not totally uncommon...and like most things this can have a lot very personal reasons and can be very different from one person to another ... still i was thinking a bit about it, and came up with some ideas why this could be the case.
With your comment about Josh Holloway you seam to also have a minimal bi side in you although i don't think that this has a big influence on the situation after all...
But to my theories (not facts) why a lesbian may end with a male master...
One point that may have some influence is that in some areas of the society it is still the case that people see men as more dominating than women in general, and although this is not the case any more in many cases this picture .. or this idea is still there for many people ... so for some it is still how they feel about it (in a negative and in a positive way)... So maybe one reason even if not the most important one is that you see men as more dominant in general ...
You also mention that you feel like you need to care for other women. You can see their problems ... how they are unsure about things ... what means that you feel like more able to solve some of their problems than they are making it hard to see them as the one responsible for you.
After all accepting someone as your Dom seams to mean to you to have someone caring about all your problems and being there for you whenever you need him... what is not bad but something you cant see some women do that seams to have the same or more problems as yourself.
This may bring you to the point of searching for someone that is able to provide you with that ... in some way a "father" (i mean that more metaphoric) ... an older man that has a lot more experience of life than you, that is at a point where he, at least seams to, have solved all his problems... someone you can accept as authority... in some way like the father is for his child ...
This is also no big problem so far anyway as what we are talking about is the non sexual site of the relationship... and although some lesbians see it different it is after all just a matter of sexual preferences not holding you back from respecting a man...
What brings us to the sexual side of it ... here it can be more complicated and i know that some of these constellation (also straight male subs with male doms) also dont go into the sexual site of it (what is ok ...) if you decide to this can of course still have something to do with your little bi side ... but from what you wrote on the site so far i see another thing i think is the more important point... you are what i call a masochist...
I may have to explain that as for most (including Chloé
)a masochist is someone loving pain ... and although it is normally used that way i see it a bit different ... The Sadist is named after Marquis de Sade... and after reading a bit in his books i see a Sadist not as someone who likes to give pain but as someone that likes to do things to someone that they don't want to... or said different... that they hate to do... making pain only interesting for a sadist if the one receiving it hates pain ... but back to the point with this different point of view on a sadist you also need to see a masochist as someone that has a deep inner need to be forced to do things they don't want to do....
What brings me back to your situation ... you hate cocks and you hate cum .. still you want .. need to suck your masters cock and want his sperm... because you want to do things you don't want to do (hope it doesn't sound to strange)... In addition to the fact that you do it for your Master, what gives the act even more meaning...
(as it takes me hours to write these texts
enough for now...
)
