3-somes

[sweetvtmom]

I have done this a few times in my life--(2 girls and 1 male)--the first couple times was with friends just having a great time. Nobody was in love--we loved as friends only.

The last time I did this---I was with someone whom I cared very deeply about--the jealousy part of me took over completely and I couldn't enjoy it at all.

What do you think--should feelings be involved? Can you separate yourself and your feelings for the person you are with to be able to have a 3-some?

 

[voycoup]

Ive heard of it going both ways that jealousy will get in the way but I have also heard that they eliminate the thought of cheating...we have never had one because we think jealousy will get in the way

 

[sweetvtmom]

Yes, you have to be careful---it is really easy to have the jealousy monster rise up if you have a 3 some with some one you truly care about.

I heard that it is suppose to help people relax because it isn't really cheating--well, ok--I guess some people can believe that--it isn't that easy to watch the person you care about--totally making it with another person.

 

[Simplyme]

I honestly believe though if you feel you can truly trust this loved one then you should be able to overcome. If you do not share this trust then maybe the relationship needs to be reevaluated or you should just avoid the situations that will affect you negatively. - Then again you can always just bring in a really ugly 3rd party ...lol

 

[Tabby]

Simpleme, you can't discard jealousy that easily. It's a very natural, evolved human emotion, and you can't just get rid of it with rational thought. Saying that you shouldn't be jealous if you have a strong relationship is similar to saying that you shouldn't feel pain when you're getting a root canal if you really understand that the root canal is helpful.

I agree with sweetvtmom that threesomes where nobody has deep feelings for anyone else are much easier. But unfortunately sex is oh so much more fun when you *do* have deep feelings for the people you're with.

You can make a threesome with relationships work, but it's a delicate balancing act. Every participant has to be getting something out of the relationship. There are a number of ways this can happen. If the two people of the same gender are bi, it can work out well, because everyone can share equally. This is what I've had experience with (MMF, me with a married couple), and it worked out well for a while and everyone had a lot of fun. But over time I lost interest in the other guy, so the relationship became unbalanced, and he started getting jealous.

There are other ways a threesome can work and fulfill without everyone being sexually interested in everyone else. A husband with a cuckolding fetish, for example. Or a dom with two subs.

And then there are the rare people for whom polyamory just works. For whatever reason, they can have multiple relationships without significant jealousy. I think this is the ideal for a lot of people who are interested in threesome, but I don't think that just anyone can rationalize their jealousy away and make everything work.

 

[Beatrice]

I don't think it is such a good idea doing this with someone who you are in love with, as jealousy tends to be more powerful that your sexual desire.

 

[yvonnewilcox]

I did this with 2 other females

This was a very busy situation that I do not think I would ever do again. When I am making love or having sex, I want to concentrate on pleasing my partner because the more my partner is pleased the more pleasure I receive and I do not want to try to split the time between another person. Not to mention breaking my concentration.

 

[lulu]

Ive done both 2 woman and one man and 2 men and just me, and I must say I liked the 2 men better, i did do it out of a relationship though so no emotional ties at all.

 

[Master_Emanon]

Many people can not separate their feelings from their sexual activity and for many the feelings or connection between the two people is where the passion comes from for the sexual activity, I personally can separate my feelings from sexual activity from sexual activity. For one I am a diagnosed sex addict, so having sex for me does not really require any type of emotional connection, nor do I think sex in general needs.

To get to the point of your post, when it comes to threesomes like sex I can do those as well, and when it’s some one I care about sometimes the girlfriend may get a bit jealous. For me being in the BDSM lifestyle, and not being into monogamy, I have had several girlfriends, who were not into the BDSM lifestyle so had to learn to deal with me training subs and slaves, as well as having two collared slaves, so even in those inferences where (in training) sex was not even involve sometimes jealously would set in.

I think it simply comes with, seeing your significant other doing things to another woman/man that in most “vanilla relationships” are only done to each other. But usually (other then a few cases) the girlfriends begin to see the plus side to having slaves and subs around the household, and on a few cases with my permission the girlfriend (who was bi) would enjoy being pleasured from the slave.

So I guess it depends on the person, as well as take time to build trust between partners, to the point they know that sex is just sex, does not mean the other wants to leave that person for the other, or even have feelings for the other person, doesn’t take emotional connection for sex, merely a mildly physical attraction of some sort where emotional feelings are not there.

 

[dwayne1477]

I love 3-somes, but I am settled down now and and my wife is not going for it. We used to always talk about it and we decided (she decided) that we would wait until we had a stable relationship. Now that we are stable she's saying we should have did it before we got real serious, she don't want to see me with another woman. This burns me so bad because I was really looking forward to it. Where do I go now? Yes I have done them so many times before, but never with her and not in the last ten years.

 

[Sour Candy]

i have loved everyone i've had sexual encounters with. as far as threesomes, i've been in more than a couple. once, with two females, the other times with one of those females, and a male, and the last, most recent ones with that male, and a different female.

these have all been part of a larger relationship... except maybe the first one. the girl my guy and i were with the first time decided that she needed a monogamous relationship, and left us, and the girl we're currently with has been a part of an altogether different level of the word "relationship" for years now. the three of us haven't had "proper" sex, but there've been sexual trust gaining ...exercises.

i have high hopes of collaring this girl later in our relationship, after i've gone through proper training.

but, back to the topic, jealousy is kind of what broke up my first threesome --one girl's boyfriend called in the middle, and she insisted on not only taking the call, but telling him what was going on. this wasn't so terrible, but he upset her with something he said, and it broke everything up.

other than that, it usually isn't a problem for me, or the people i'm with, since our boundaries are very relaxed.

 

[John Masters]

I would really love to be with my wife while she has sex with other men. She has had sex with other men, leaving me at home, and the emotions I went through were very intense. Later I was able to persuade her to tell me something about her experiences and have felt the humiliation of being compared unfavourably to them.

 

[luvclit]

well.....never had one....want to try it...