Dating 3 months, gf keen on going to private kinky event

[Princenotlittle]

Hi dear kinksters.

I am 32(M) she is 25(F).

I am dom she is a sub/brat.

We met 3-4 months ago.

Everything is going really well.
Buterflies and rainbows, both are in love(honeymoon phase).

We went to a public kinky event together couple of weeks ago as we are both interested in the scene, and it was all great, had a good time.

Difference is I like to take things slow and prefer being more closed, monogamous and not playing around (even in non super sexual games like flogging) with other people for starters until we lay the foundation of the relationship. She on the other hand sees this as not an issue and would like go to a private kinky event with me next weekend.

Is it weird for me to not want to go at this early stage of relationship?

Only last week we said that we are official.

Am I being not reasonable to want to wait things out a little to get to know each other?

A bit confused as I really like this girl, so I do not want to limit her desire to explore, in the same time I do not want to go to a private kinky event, as I believe its too early. She reassures me its only for banter and no sexual stuff.

Help me to navigate this little storm here.

 

[Cleo420]

Your emotions on the situation are not weird. They are what they are. Everyone has their own emotions and shouldn’t judge them. If you are not into the scene and it was not a part of your life beforehand it’s understandable why you want to go slow. But going to the public but not private may just be confusing to her and maybe explain to her further why you feel the way you do. Ask yourself what makes you want to take it slow. Explain why you want to take it slow to her. Can you see yourself eventually wanting to go?
I think that a further discussion should be had for this with her if you really want to explore further. Ask more questions about why she wants to go? How often has she been in the past? What is it that attracts her to these events the most? Does she have friendships with the others? You have to be the one to decide (after you have a full understanding of her side) if you think it would be good for your relationship to proceed forward.

My husband and I are on two wavelengths and I am always pushing for more. Sometimes I don’t realize that what is not a big deal to me (like my kinks) is a big thing for my spouse. And I have pushed for more to fast instead of slowing down and it only made things worse. So we try to meet in the middle or at the very least find alternatives for things we could not agree on. I am way more open about sex than my husband is. Sometimes it’s difficult for us and we don’t always see eye to eye but what matters is that we care for and love each other making sure we each have our needs met. It all boils down to communication, give and take , and what both of you’ll are willing to accept.

Best of luck.

 

[subzzzero]

Difference is I like to take things slow and prefer being more closed, monogamous and not playing around (even in non super sexual games like flogging) with other people for starters until we lay the foundation of the relationship.

This reads as she is into poly and you are not. If in fact that is the case it should have been communicated early on. Asking her to change and give that up isn’t fair to her just as her expecting you to just go poly isn’t fair.

Being non monogamous isn’t as grand as people make it out to be all the time. It’s also not easy. It takes a very strong relationship to trust and understand having another involved. Even then some people just aren’t into. So really consider what you feel on all this and don’t mislead her into thinking you’re going to be ok with it if you’re not. Jealousy is the biggest result of adding in people for play or sex to an existing relationship. Also it’s almost always easier for a female to find extra people than for a male too. So keep that in mind. She would likely be getting way more offers to play and such. Maybe consider a swingers couples swap only type situation. Then it’s always you two searching together.

Either way. Talk it out. See where you’re both at. Be honest and just see where it all falls.