Tonight was one of the most surprising and happy developments in my life. I just couldn’t think of anyone who might understand, just who I could share it with; but then I thought of you all here. See, I come up here all the time, and even feel like I know some of you.
My wife, Elle, whom I have always loved and been faithful to, would never have tolerated me coming here if she had known. Elle is really something.
She is basically out of my league in almost every way. We were high school honeys back in the day. We got married very young, before she knew better. And, to be honest, she is quite a bit smarter and more forceful than me, and makes much more money than I do. She is a lawyer, a junior partner in a big blue chip firm downtown.
Elle is basically more powerful than me in every way that counts, and this has been kind of difficult for me over the years. She is in charge of our whole lives.
Oddly, though, when it comes to sex, Elle is extremely shy and modest about everything to do with her body, and, though she is quite beautiful, we are both very inexperienced. She has never made love with anyone but me. No one but me has ever even seen her naked. And I even I am restricted to furtive glances, darkened rooms, covered limbs.
She has never let me do one thing out of the ordinary. She never moans, never says dirty things, doesn’t get wet, won’t blow me, and pretty much keeps herself tightly covered. Even though at 35, Elle really is drop dead gorgeous, with big breasts, a great ass, and legs up to here, she has always been way too uptight about sex, judgmental about everything erotic and modest to no end.
At home, when it comes to sex, she is just a shy, retiring, sort of boring woman; but at work Elle is someone else: a real aggressive, dominant, demanding and basically a bitchy, smart-ass sort of woman who drives all the lawyer guys nuts with her demands, her perfectionism, her sarcasm and her endless office triumphs. But she is a huge success and is even starting to acquire a lot of political power.
Elle has never liked to talk about sex, so we never do. I would say that she is a passive, unexciting lover. She seldom has an orgasm, won’t let me go down on her, won’t use a toy, or watch porn, or do anything to make it fun. She just lays there for the requisite five or fifteen minutes, always under the blankets and in the dark. Though she does let me direct the action within the narrow range of options, nothing about it is very exciting.
A few months ago, she drank a little too much (for the first time ever!) and started telling a little about her inner sexual world. She made me swear over and over again I would never even bring it up again, much less tell anyone else, and then she very seriously confessed that she has always kind of liked the idea of liked the idea of being passive sexually. She fantasized, she said, about being my sex object, my slutty sex slave. Or even someone else’s. Or many men. Or strangers.
Holy shit.
I was shocked. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Elle? Slutty? Being a toy for men?
But then she said she thinks this fantasy of subservience and degradation is wrong, and that it disgusted her with herself. Besides, she said, sex itself kind of disgusted her, and she was ashamed that she had fantasies that made her less of a woman, basically. She would, she said, never do anything about these ideas. She said that she had never told me about her fantasy subservience because she wasn’t going to do it, and didn’t want me to expect anything at all from her, sexually, and she was also embarrassed that she was weird and perverted. A bit of a wacko whore.
And then, turning sort of mean, she said she had to forever fantasize about those ideas because I wasn’t the sort of man who had enough real balls anyway and I would never do anything about her lust.
Ouch.
She said she thought something was basically wrong with her for thinking about stuff like this and that she was going to get some kind of help.
I just kind of shrugged my shoulders, like I always did with Elle, I guess, and said whatever you think, Elle. But I did tell her I would in fact do whatever she wanted sexually. She just looked at me quizzically, and then with her most sarcastic face for a few seconds, and then she just laughed in my face, and said: well that is sure not the idea.
Then she went to bed.
So about a month has gone by. And then this very evening she got a bottle of wine and started drinking and got all worked up and tipsy again and said she wanted to talk to me about sex.
She said she had gone ahead and gotten that help over her sex problems. She had read about this guy somewhere who I guess was kind of a specialist in sexual issues of this type, an older guy, she said, with a lot of wisdom and experience. I got nervous as she explained, but then she said, don’t worry, everything is done via computer and it is strictly private, and secure, and this specialist guy doesn’t even know my name and address.
So she said he taught her that she wasn’t sick at all, and he gave her a bunch of good advice, she said. She said he was able to explain things way beyond anything she had even considered or imagined. She said it was maybe a very big deal for her and that she wanted to take the next steps.
....
see part two
My wife, Elle, whom I have always loved and been faithful to, would never have tolerated me coming here if she had known. Elle is really something.
She is basically out of my league in almost every way. We were high school honeys back in the day. We got married very young, before she knew better. And, to be honest, she is quite a bit smarter and more forceful than me, and makes much more money than I do. She is a lawyer, a junior partner in a big blue chip firm downtown.
Elle is basically more powerful than me in every way that counts, and this has been kind of difficult for me over the years. She is in charge of our whole lives.
Oddly, though, when it comes to sex, Elle is extremely shy and modest about everything to do with her body, and, though she is quite beautiful, we are both very inexperienced. She has never made love with anyone but me. No one but me has ever even seen her naked. And I even I am restricted to furtive glances, darkened rooms, covered limbs.
She has never let me do one thing out of the ordinary. She never moans, never says dirty things, doesn’t get wet, won’t blow me, and pretty much keeps herself tightly covered. Even though at 35, Elle really is drop dead gorgeous, with big breasts, a great ass, and legs up to here, she has always been way too uptight about sex, judgmental about everything erotic and modest to no end.
At home, when it comes to sex, she is just a shy, retiring, sort of boring woman; but at work Elle is someone else: a real aggressive, dominant, demanding and basically a bitchy, smart-ass sort of woman who drives all the lawyer guys nuts with her demands, her perfectionism, her sarcasm and her endless office triumphs. But she is a huge success and is even starting to acquire a lot of political power.
Elle has never liked to talk about sex, so we never do. I would say that she is a passive, unexciting lover. She seldom has an orgasm, won’t let me go down on her, won’t use a toy, or watch porn, or do anything to make it fun. She just lays there for the requisite five or fifteen minutes, always under the blankets and in the dark. Though she does let me direct the action within the narrow range of options, nothing about it is very exciting.
A few months ago, she drank a little too much (for the first time ever!) and started telling a little about her inner sexual world. She made me swear over and over again I would never even bring it up again, much less tell anyone else, and then she very seriously confessed that she has always kind of liked the idea of liked the idea of being passive sexually. She fantasized, she said, about being my sex object, my slutty sex slave. Or even someone else’s. Or many men. Or strangers.
Holy shit.
I was shocked. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Elle? Slutty? Being a toy for men?
But then she said she thinks this fantasy of subservience and degradation is wrong, and that it disgusted her with herself. Besides, she said, sex itself kind of disgusted her, and she was ashamed that she had fantasies that made her less of a woman, basically. She would, she said, never do anything about these ideas. She said that she had never told me about her fantasy subservience because she wasn’t going to do it, and didn’t want me to expect anything at all from her, sexually, and she was also embarrassed that she was weird and perverted. A bit of a wacko whore.
And then, turning sort of mean, she said she had to forever fantasize about those ideas because I wasn’t the sort of man who had enough real balls anyway and I would never do anything about her lust.
Ouch.
She said she thought something was basically wrong with her for thinking about stuff like this and that she was going to get some kind of help.
I just kind of shrugged my shoulders, like I always did with Elle, I guess, and said whatever you think, Elle. But I did tell her I would in fact do whatever she wanted sexually. She just looked at me quizzically, and then with her most sarcastic face for a few seconds, and then she just laughed in my face, and said: well that is sure not the idea.
Then she went to bed.
So about a month has gone by. And then this very evening she got a bottle of wine and started drinking and got all worked up and tipsy again and said she wanted to talk to me about sex.
She said she had gone ahead and gotten that help over her sex problems. She had read about this guy somewhere who I guess was kind of a specialist in sexual issues of this type, an older guy, she said, with a lot of wisdom and experience. I got nervous as she explained, but then she said, don’t worry, everything is done via computer and it is strictly private, and secure, and this specialist guy doesn’t even know my name and address.
So she said he taught her that she wasn’t sick at all, and he gave her a bunch of good advice, she said. She said he was able to explain things way beyond anything she had even considered or imagined. She said it was maybe a very big deal for her and that she wanted to take the next steps.
....
see part two
