By transactional i mean sex work/ pay to play. (I'm just used to calling it that)
Kink is part of you and that's exhausting.
- Thread starter MercyHunter
- Start date
Oh honey, I didn't know that was a thing until last week. If he wants me to pay him, it ain't gonna happen.
Actually, i didnt think it that way... so its a wirmwhirl of sadness, lonelyness, needyness, money transaction, disgutsfullness (does this word even exists? its too lte for google translatoor, sry) and so on. Always had the side of the workers on mind
Didnt think about the paid consent either, i mean... i actually never cared too much, and my toughts were focused on some other thing, but never too late to add information and rethink oppinions.
Thank you
This is exactly what i was thinking about! With a reagular, you are bound to figure out what they like, similarly to any other long-term sexual partner. So i feel like it would be more fulfilling/ a "better deal" (if you exclude the chance of getting attached).
Depending on the person, i feel like that could be very unfulfilling.
Getting a cookie from the store is never the same having a homemade one. Sure it's similar but i don't think it can hit the spot quite as well.
(This isn't about professional dom's tho, i feel like they are the equivalent of a cookie from a really good bakery. They aren't mass produced, they cost a bit more, but they are some of that good stuff.)
I think it could be because I'm a woman, and we generally need more mental stimulation. Cam girls/OF girls/Call girls it all seems "not worth it" .
That's what was implied. Considering zzzero had to explain what pay to play ment, and you know that I hate electronics including being online. It makes since that you'd want me to pay you.
Nope. I’m male. I have no interest in pay for play. Whether kink or not. Cam girls don’t do it for me. I want the home made cookies
We were talking about pay to play earlier in the conversation. I was doing some research and came across something interesting. I'm (to my knowledge so far) whats called a service top.
For a service top, the pleasure in any given scene comes from knowing just how much they can make their bottom feel good.
They take instruction from their submissive as to what they want. (I only partially agree with this)
Its also the term used for PAY AND FUCKING PLAY CRAP!
Really. Not joking.
For a service top, the pleasure in any given scene comes from knowing just how much they can make their bottom feel good.
They take instruction from their submissive as to what they want. (I only partially agree with this)
Its also the term used for PAY AND FUCKING PLAY CRAP!
Really. Not joking.
Nah service top is what you mention with regards to enjoying making bottom feel good.
Pay to play typically labels as Findomme or pro domme usually
Either way. Less focus on titles and just do the things that fit your dynamic.
So I might be a little late to the conversation. Please forgive the long essay
1. Stereotyping is exhausting, especially in kink - There have always been people stereotyping everything under the sun. It's easier to ignore for other things but for something as intimate as kink, it just hits a little harder. My opinion is that this happens because of two reasons - lack of knowledge/exposure and lack of effort. Lack of effort is just more annoying but easier to ignore as those people are not worth it. It is the first one that is sadly exhausting because there are some really wonderful people who are open to understanding but just not exposed enough. Don't get me wrong - it's satisfying to do so but when you repeat it again and again, it's just tiring.
2. Prodomme vs findom vs whatever only fans is -
I started my journey in kink through online forums and play with people I met there. However, I delved deeper, attending munches, talking to people in different spaces of kink and through all this, the following is what I believe.
In my mind, prodommes are people who have certain skill sets in BDSM like bondage, suspension or hypnosis be it online or irl, and have made a business model to leverage it. They hone their skills and establish a connection with their clients similar to a doctor or a stylist. For example, I was part of a prodomme weekend where a bunch of slaves were serving some prodommes for a weekend. Every Domme talked and asked questions and experimented all while maintaining high protocol. They were even able to bring out some things that I never knew existed because of their experience. Through the pain and humiliation, they actually connected with me and at the end I was able to have a cathartic experience. Bondage, Similarly, online - I am currently talking to a Domme for a hypnosis session who is taking the time to know me before even talking about money or such because she wants to make sure that we connect. There are these people who really enjoy what they do and want to connect with their clients. There is also the other side of the spectrum where despite being prodommes, they are in it just for the money and don't enjoy it. It usually becomes very obvious in the time you spend with them.
Findom feels different. It's people who don't really care about making money but derive pleasure from the value that the partner is placing in the dynamic. It's like gifting more for your favorite person or such. I think gifting as a love language taken to the extreme is findom. However I feel it's been perverted by so called dommes who want to make a quick buck and so called subs who want a quick walk or attention. I was in a findom dynamic for two years in which I was worshipping my Domme while she pushed me to explore and improve myself. Towards the end though it unfortunately devolved into more money but me not feeling valued so we had to end it. So as a kink I don't think findom is inherently bad but as with all kink when one party is trying to exploit the other, that's where it becomes toxic. Unfortunately it's the easiest kink to pervert.
Coming to only fans - it's just custom porn/NSFW twitch. The whole streaming industry is based on engagement with someone. Gaming, content creators, YouTube. I think only fans is just another form of content which there clearly is demand for. What really irks me though is when amateur creators advertise or associate themselves with bdsm without any interest, or effort just because it may make them more money.
I think all the three in their pure/ideal forms are good but as with anything involving money - there are always people looking to exploit the vulnerable. So if we want to put in the effort to understand the genuine people in these spaces, it might just be better to understand the motivations of the individual we are interested in, lest we stereotype.
1. Stereotyping is exhausting, especially in kink - There have always been people stereotyping everything under the sun. It's easier to ignore for other things but for something as intimate as kink, it just hits a little harder. My opinion is that this happens because of two reasons - lack of knowledge/exposure and lack of effort. Lack of effort is just more annoying but easier to ignore as those people are not worth it. It is the first one that is sadly exhausting because there are some really wonderful people who are open to understanding but just not exposed enough. Don't get me wrong - it's satisfying to do so but when you repeat it again and again, it's just tiring.
2. Prodomme vs findom vs whatever only fans is -
I started my journey in kink through online forums and play with people I met there. However, I delved deeper, attending munches, talking to people in different spaces of kink and through all this, the following is what I believe.
In my mind, prodommes are people who have certain skill sets in BDSM like bondage, suspension or hypnosis be it online or irl, and have made a business model to leverage it. They hone their skills and establish a connection with their clients similar to a doctor or a stylist. For example, I was part of a prodomme weekend where a bunch of slaves were serving some prodommes for a weekend. Every Domme talked and asked questions and experimented all while maintaining high protocol. They were even able to bring out some things that I never knew existed because of their experience. Through the pain and humiliation, they actually connected with me and at the end I was able to have a cathartic experience. Bondage, Similarly, online - I am currently talking to a Domme for a hypnosis session who is taking the time to know me before even talking about money or such because she wants to make sure that we connect. There are these people who really enjoy what they do and want to connect with their clients. There is also the other side of the spectrum where despite being prodommes, they are in it just for the money and don't enjoy it. It usually becomes very obvious in the time you spend with them.
Findom feels different. It's people who don't really care about making money but derive pleasure from the value that the partner is placing in the dynamic. It's like gifting more for your favorite person or such. I think gifting as a love language taken to the extreme is findom. However I feel it's been perverted by so called dommes who want to make a quick buck and so called subs who want a quick walk or attention. I was in a findom dynamic for two years in which I was worshipping my Domme while she pushed me to explore and improve myself. Towards the end though it unfortunately devolved into more money but me not feeling valued so we had to end it. So as a kink I don't think findom is inherently bad but as with all kink when one party is trying to exploit the other, that's where it becomes toxic. Unfortunately it's the easiest kink to pervert.
Coming to only fans - it's just custom porn/NSFW twitch. The whole streaming industry is based on engagement with someone. Gaming, content creators, YouTube. I think only fans is just another form of content which there clearly is demand for. What really irks me though is when amateur creators advertise or associate themselves with bdsm without any interest, or effort just because it may make them more money.
I think all the three in their pure/ideal forms are good but as with anything involving money - there are always people looking to exploit the vulnerable. So if we want to put in the effort to understand the genuine people in these spaces, it might just be better to understand the motivations of the individual we are interested in, lest we stereotype.
This thread never gets cold so no worries
For findome.. i got enough with the banks and billings xD
I find onlyfans the natural evolution for those who dont want to be tied to the porn industry.... mirronring youtubers and streammers overthere, that are untied to the massmedia industry.
As for... ethycs? hummmm linking ur onlyfans to your twitch.. its like inciting minors or really young people into porn.. probably not the best way to get clients.
HOmemade cookies are the best
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