I just had the most intense experience/session as a dominant sadist. I will write about it in more detail later. This is about limits as the title states, mainly the disparity between roles. I'm not sure how to explain it better.
So, this has come up more than once, which is why I'm writing about it and would love some feedback. I am a dominant sadist and she is a submissive masochist. This has happened with both a long term sub and a new play partner.
I always start by having a discussion about limits and safe words. I always use two safe words. One for an adjustment and one to stop everything. The first one comes up often as I love pushing to find limits. Anyway, in both cases there were very few limits mentioned by the sub and I played within those mentioned. I have some intense fetishes and I keep going and uping the intensity until I hear the first safe word. To me that is how I find the limit if there is one. If I don't hear the safe word, I go all out until that desire is sated.
So here is the issue.... sometime after the session, 10 minutes to a day or longer, the sub realizes it was too much. Either a specific act went too far or the overall intensity was just too much to handle. There seems to be a combination of things leading to this. It's a mix of a subs desire to please, being overwhelmed by sensations and unable to process in the moment, generally not being able to speak up for herself, and testing herself to see how much she can take combined with my intensity and desire to push and find both soft and hard limits. Even when I ask during and right after, nothing is mentioned of anyting going too far. I feel the sessions went well. Then I'm told it was too much to handle and they need space and time to process. I still struggle some with my sadistic desires and sometimes feel like a monster for having them especially in this scenario.
I like having clearly defined limits. I want to know the boundries of my playground so I can build a scene and not have to worry about crossing a line then push those boundries once trust builds. But the first step is finding those limits and boundries. Is there a way to balance it out. Has anyone else experienced this from either perspective?
So, this has come up more than once, which is why I'm writing about it and would love some feedback. I am a dominant sadist and she is a submissive masochist. This has happened with both a long term sub and a new play partner.
I always start by having a discussion about limits and safe words. I always use two safe words. One for an adjustment and one to stop everything. The first one comes up often as I love pushing to find limits. Anyway, in both cases there were very few limits mentioned by the sub and I played within those mentioned. I have some intense fetishes and I keep going and uping the intensity until I hear the first safe word. To me that is how I find the limit if there is one. If I don't hear the safe word, I go all out until that desire is sated.
So here is the issue.... sometime after the session, 10 minutes to a day or longer, the sub realizes it was too much. Either a specific act went too far or the overall intensity was just too much to handle. There seems to be a combination of things leading to this. It's a mix of a subs desire to please, being overwhelmed by sensations and unable to process in the moment, generally not being able to speak up for herself, and testing herself to see how much she can take combined with my intensity and desire to push and find both soft and hard limits. Even when I ask during and right after, nothing is mentioned of anyting going too far. I feel the sessions went well. Then I'm told it was too much to handle and they need space and time to process. I still struggle some with my sadistic desires and sometimes feel like a monster for having them especially in this scenario.
I like having clearly defined limits. I want to know the boundries of my playground so I can build a scene and not have to worry about crossing a line then push those boundries once trust builds. But the first step is finding those limits and boundries. Is there a way to balance it out. Has anyone else experienced this from either perspective?
