MaleSub:FemaleDomme Ratio, Question for Domme's/Mistresses/etc

[SubmiSeth]

MaleSub:FemaleDomme Ratio, Question for Dommes/Discussion

Everyone knows this, its not "news' - but there's like 10 male subs for every Domme, at least.

My question is this? What are you sick of reading about male subs? What do you wish you knew more about? Basically, how could a male submissive improve their profile to communicate with you better.

Also, feel free to comment if you are a male sub and what you personally try to do to make sure people understand you and who you are.

Personal Opinion
I feel male subs on average are getting too "pathetic" - They immediately start begging simply because...its hard to find a female dom to even have an extended conversation with. But what I feel a lot of guys don't realize is that a male sub who is willing to do anything on cam....there are lots of those. There's no real value. There needs to be a real connection between the Domme and sub for the guys submission to have meaning. Domination and submission is more than about one person obeying. Its about the clash of wills. Its about one person pushing against the other and losing. If a relationship, even an online cam session, doesn't have that, then what is it?

It's a bit of a rant, I'll admit. But I wanted to get my thoughts out there and see what people think.

 

[Mistress Summer]

There really are many more slaves than Mistresses. I can say that from experience. Most Mistresses are very busy, especially online Mistresses. In real life this may not be the case because it is not as easy for Mistresses and slaves to run into each other, but online Mistresses are easy to find, and there are slaves seeking them all the time.

It may not seem that way to slaves or to people who have never been dominant, but being dominant is a lot of responsibility and work. It consumes a lot of our time too. That is why it's difficult to find an online Mistress for free.

I can agree about the connection being necessary. But the M/s relationship is not supposed to be a "clash" of wills. This "clash" may be what you enjoy, but that would not be the nature of a true slave.

A true slave is happy to give up his wishes in favor of the Mistress's and does not cause a clash of wills with Her. However, a true Mistress also interviews Her slave and does Her best to accommodate the slave's needs.
I like to know what my slaves enjoy and also what they don't enjoy. I instruct them to always tell me when something is beyond their limits (which won't happen often if the slave is honest in all his answers to my questions), but I do not like or admit that they try to have a clash of wills with me.

If the slave's needs are not a match for My style as a domme, I just don't accept him as a slave. On the other hand, slaves also must seek to know and understand who I am (or who any potential Mistress Is), and what I can offer them. No M/s relationship is forced and, for this reason, both parties should have prior understanding of the rules of the relationship and what one can expect from the other.

I can't talk for every Mistress (even though I suspect they would agree) but, if you are under the impression that Mistresses don't give attention to a lot of slaves who seek them out because the slaves don't clash with their will, that is not the case for me at all.

The difficulty finding a real life Mistress is pretty obvious, since even finding the right person for a "normal" relationship can be pretty difficult. But the main difficulty you, and other male slaves, have in finding an online Mistress (especially for free), is that we just don't have time to hang out on messengers or on the phone (texting or on a call) with every male slave that wants to be dominated. We need to live, and living costs money. Mistresses either offer professional services, or they have to work a vanilla job and don't have time left to dedicate to all slaves who seek them out.

 

[LadyM]

Yes, there are scads of submissive males around.

Some of this sheer volume is generated by men who, having seen pornography, believe that being submissive is a "strictly bedroom" sort of thing. Truth is, most of the men saying they are submissive, are not.

I truly believe that almost half of all submissives are really bottoms...meaning they don't want any serious training, and are obedient until the moment of orgasm, then revert to their natural asshole state while cleaning up the mess they've made.

Of course, this assumes the Dominant also views BDSM and Femdom as bedroom activities.

If we set aside the self proclaimed, and mistaken, submissives, we are left with fellows who are blissfully unaware of the differences between bottoms, submissives, and slaves.

If we remove that 1/4 of males seeking Femdom and slavehood, we are left with only 1/4 of the "actively seeking" male population being submissive.

Of all the males looking for a Mistress, only 1/4 are actually submissive.

"Domination and submission is more than about one person obeying. Its about the clash of wills. Its about one person pushing against the other and losing."

While there may be a clash of wills, many Dominants do not indulge resistance play. A clash of wills means someone has withdrawn consent and the relationship needs renegotiating or it ends! I'm one of those who does not accept resistance.

Also, that clash of wills often reveals deep seated misogyny, and female Dominance is very different from male Dominance. A resistant submissive should consider seeking a Master, in many cases, not a Mistress.

I place more value with the submissive who accepts and excels at the training I wish to implement and understands how valuable the female Dominant truly is. A submissive bearing few self esteem issues is more valuable than the submissive who insists on maintaining a helpless mind set.

With all that being said, submissives must present profiles that do not insult women. Avoid photos of your cock because your cock is the very last thing I am interested in. Your submission starts between your ears, not between your legs. Your ability to obey is between your ears as well.

Do not expect anything sexual and do not try to anticipate a woman's needs. List what past experience you have had and offer to complete a fetish worksheet. Approach a Mistress as if you are talking to a policeman who just caught you doing 50 in a 30 MPH zone. In other words, everything on your profile should be rather formal, and you do not relax until she give you permission to do so.

Hope that helps!

 

[CassAhhDee]

I mostly agree with these ladies although I do like the resistance, it reminds me of me when I'm sub. Plus I like crushing that resistance.

Personally my favorite sub approached me with a message telling me about himself as a person and his life interests before he ever told me what he liked /wanted as a sub. Knowing him better gave us a connection and got me interested enough to give up a large portion of my off day for our first session.

On the flip side I had a guy approach me just asking to be my slave. I'll admit he caught my eye because he was one of my first (And hot as shit), but he would not talk to me beyond "anything you wish miss." Which annoyed me and made me completely lost trying to dominate him. Frustrating for us both. But when he finally opened up to me and spoke about himself we had a grand time.
People thinks its all about the genitals, but its really all in the big head.

 

[kinkyjez]

It cuts both ways

A lot of the women Ive seen on-line who say they are Domme are simply angry, humorless and looking for someone to hurt, there is no finesse. having said that I have been fortunate to meet Dommes who are real Dommes.

the other thing to remember is that its supposed to be fun, I dont care what you want to do to me but if it doesn't make me smile then I am not doing it

 

[Komodo Jones]

I am a male switch with submissive tendencies so I'm going to answer how do I try to convey to people who I am. First off whenever I'm posting an advertisement or answering one, I'm always honest. I am going to be myself and pretend like I'm someone I'm not. I'm not going to pretend like I'm going to submit to your every whim because chances are I'm not, but I will submit to most of them. I also leave nothing out I establish deal-breakers that I have with anyone before we even start anything to se if they're still intrested. I also don't rush into slavedom automatically. I view bdsm as 50% sex, 50% friendship and I want my domme/Mistress to know me as a person before she knows me as a sub. That's just my opnion on the whole thing though.