New Sub Looking for Polyamory Advice

[Thefrostsub]

Hello All,

I'm very new. I've never done anything like this before. I finally found a Dom that I am training under, and he's been extremely kind a patient.

The one thing we can't seem to agree on is Polyamory. I am monogamous and he is Poly.

I tried to leave him, and he dismissed me himself at one point. I just need to figure out a way to be accepting of Polyamory.

Please help.

-Thefrostsub

 

[subzzzero]

Does he want you back just a much as you want him? A relationship of any type is all about compromise. You both should talk it out further and discuss why one wants it and why the other doesn't. Try to be in the other persons shoes. But that being said if poly isn't something you're into then it's just not mean to be. You settling for something you're not wanting isn't going to be good in the long run. You'll only grow jealous and upset if you don't really want poly as you hear
Him speak of other subs. Does the poly work both ways? Meaning if he can have multiple subs are you allowed multiple doms? Also what aspect of poly is it that makes it so negative for you and so appealing for him ?

 

[Thefrostsub]

Thanks

He's open to having another Dom for both of us. He's says I may have sex with anyone whom I please (after training) unless we negotiate that once the formal commitment starts.

He isn't trying to coerce me into doing anything that I don't want to do. He actually wants me to take responsibility over my desires. Which is why he was so reluctant to dismiss me in the first place.

He wants me and the sub to have a "brotherly" relationship. He also wants to act as a mentor/fatherly figure to both of us.

I left once and he took me back. He told me that if I leave again that he wouldn't accept me back. I was dismissed yesterday and begged for him back. So he told me to think for 3 days and he'll get back to me.

I need to shed the insecurities and be able to trust in him. I'm obsessive and have abandonment issues which makes leaving very tough. I'd rather be miserable with him than miserable alone.

However I think that I can be more open to poly if given enough time and patience.

 

[subzzzero]

Discussion with him is the best solution. Ask him for help in understanding. Or voice your concerns that you have and request he help you work on it all. You mention you needed to trust him. Find what's causing the lack of trust and attempt to cure it. Also don't let past experiences ruin the current. You should learn from previous experiences good and bad. But don't put those preconceived notions into the current relationship. give him a fair shot. One shitty previous Dom doesn't make all doms shitty. Works with him to address all that's on your mind and ask him to help you with it.