Hey all, very much new here and feel I'm probably not posting in quite the right place or even the right forum, as I'm not part of the kink community, but felt like this would be a safe space to ask this question amongst open minded people who are more experienced in the world of these conversations than myself. I'm sure this post will seem very vanilla in comparison to most, but I'm hoping people can maybe help me clarify my own feelings in some way?
I don't watch porn that often, maybe once every couple of weeks, but when I do I always gravitate towards porn that I don't understand why I like. Every now and then I'll go to romantic or audio porn and somewhat imagine myself in the situation, but as someone who has never orgasmed with a partner, only by myself with a vibrator, i think i often feel disconnected from my body in that way during sex. I am also almost always single, when I'm dating someone I find I masturbate about them, me with them, but when I'm single I go back to this stuff. Most of the time I find myself watching porn that kind of grosses me out. Mostly people fucking on stage, often people I don't even find attractive, or solo male maturbation videos, even male strippers with big dicks. I have no fucking clue why. If I were to encounter any of those situations in real life I wouldn't like it or be turned on. I don't like the idea of real life voyeurism. I also sometimes watch videos of women masturbating and squirting on stage, and I feel so gross and dirty when I do. I don't understand why I'm drawn to that. It's like I like watching sexual behaviour that's "wrong" and inappropriate by societal standards. It's not a fantasy of mine to be a part of anything like that. Please forgive my negative language here by the way, I don't judge anyone else's sexual preferences whatsoever, I feel these things about myself only.
Sometimes I hear people talking about their porn preferences and they usually are into situations in which they'd like to be involved, and sound pretty cool or un-embarrassing to admit. I can literally never tell people what kind of porn I masturbate to because I think they'd think I was a total freak. I appreciate there is way kinkier and more niche stuff out there, like I say this probably sounds really vanilla, but I think what bothers me the most about it is why? Why do I masturbate to things that in real life I would find horrible, that wouldn't turn me on at all to be a part of? Any thoughts are very much welcome. I'd like to be able to accept this part of myself and own it, or understand it at least instead of feeling embarrassed by it.
Thanks for reading x
I don't watch porn that often, maybe once every couple of weeks, but when I do I always gravitate towards porn that I don't understand why I like. Every now and then I'll go to romantic or audio porn and somewhat imagine myself in the situation, but as someone who has never orgasmed with a partner, only by myself with a vibrator, i think i often feel disconnected from my body in that way during sex. I am also almost always single, when I'm dating someone I find I masturbate about them, me with them, but when I'm single I go back to this stuff. Most of the time I find myself watching porn that kind of grosses me out. Mostly people fucking on stage, often people I don't even find attractive, or solo male maturbation videos, even male strippers with big dicks. I have no fucking clue why. If I were to encounter any of those situations in real life I wouldn't like it or be turned on. I don't like the idea of real life voyeurism. I also sometimes watch videos of women masturbating and squirting on stage, and I feel so gross and dirty when I do. I don't understand why I'm drawn to that. It's like I like watching sexual behaviour that's "wrong" and inappropriate by societal standards. It's not a fantasy of mine to be a part of anything like that. Please forgive my negative language here by the way, I don't judge anyone else's sexual preferences whatsoever, I feel these things about myself only.
Sometimes I hear people talking about their porn preferences and they usually are into situations in which they'd like to be involved, and sound pretty cool or un-embarrassing to admit. I can literally never tell people what kind of porn I masturbate to because I think they'd think I was a total freak. I appreciate there is way kinkier and more niche stuff out there, like I say this probably sounds really vanilla, but I think what bothers me the most about it is why? Why do I masturbate to things that in real life I would find horrible, that wouldn't turn me on at all to be a part of? Any thoughts are very much welcome. I'd like to be able to accept this part of myself and own it, or understand it at least instead of feeling embarrassed by it.
Thanks for reading x
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