Profile Addition for Genitalia

[subdream]

As a follow up on my thread about questions concerning genitalia I came up with the following idea for a profile addition. Can we have something like that? It would make life of dysphoric people easier while people with preferences could easily see who has which genitalia as long as people want to disclose.

 

[Sweex]

This would make things so much easier for all involved and would save a lot of time.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Can we have something like that?

The short answer it seems is no. The site uses the xenForo BBS platform as its base and the user profile options are part of that system. Adding new options to the list means writing code and expanding the database both of which are not in my control.
That said, never say never so I'll investigate further.

Meanwhile it is the kind of thing you could include in your signature if you think it's desirable?

My only reservation here is that while this may be useful to some in my opinion it doesn't really address the issue of respect and inclusivity. If people are simply more aware and take the time to check what they are about to say perhaps a lot of the problems could be solved.

 

[subdream]

That said, never say never so I'll investigate further.

Thank you.

My only reservation here is that while this may be useful to some in my opinion it doesn't really address the issue of respect and inclusivity. If people are simply more aware and take the time to check what they are about to say perhaps a lot of the problems could be solved.

Respect makes a big difference, but it can't help in all circumstances.

 

[Meorin]

Your proposed change sounds like an ok idea on first sight but reading it a second time I think it has quite some significant issues.



You can already put this info into your profile if you want to do so.
By disclosing your genitalia you put indirect pressure on others who might not want to disclose it.
“Prefer not to disclose” will be taken as an indirect admission so what you are effectively doing is only helping those who have no issues disclosing their genitalia and actively harming the experience of those who do not want to disclose this info.
Having this option mandatory will alienate a bunch of groups and will make it more likely for people to stop mid account creation process. I think it will even have a negative effect when not mandatory but I am open to be proven wrong about it.
I personally might find it deceiving, but there are trans people here who don’t use one of the trans- but rather the male- or female-gender. Just the same there are sissies here who’s profiles are classified as Female.
The current state of things only makes you state your gender and not your biological sex. With your proposed change you are effectively changing that. A question/option like this can be very unpleasant for people with dysmorphia, when this place here, for many, is a means to escape reality.

I always feel like KT should be inviting to all people. Options like these might make things a tiny bit more comfortable for a minority but make it worse for so many more.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

I think I agree with the gist of what @Meorin is saying here, and I was sort of alluding to it with my comment about inclusiveness.
Just adding more categories to slot yourself into seems counter productive to that goal, it's another way to point out the differences rather than putting the focus on our commonality.

 

[DJ-playmate]

As a follow up on my thread about questions concerning genitalia I came up with the following idea for a profile addition. Can we have something like that? It would make life of dysphoric people easier while people with preferences could easily see who has which genitalia as long as people want to disclose.

View attachment 107135

I'm not sure it would be mandatory but it would increase transparency and help reduce misunderstandings when engaging with online play partners.

 

[subdream]

Your proposed change sounds like an ok idea on first sight but reading it a second time I think it has quite some significant issues.

It was a proposal which probably needs to be fine tuned.

You can already put this info into your profile if you want to do so.
By disclosing your genitalia you put indirect pressure on others who might not want to disclose it.
“Prefer not to disclose” will be taken as an indirect admission so what you are effectively doing is only helping those who have no issues disclosing their genitalia and actively harming the experience of those who do not want to disclose this info.

I am one of those who don't want to disclose this information, which is one of the reasons I put myself into "genderfluid" category. I would probably choose "prefer not to disclose" on both elements. That said I'm just one person of a larger group. I am not able to speak for all of this group.

I always feel like KT should be inviting to all people. Options like these might make things a tiny bit more comfortable for a minority but make it worse for so many more.

Then how about phrasing it like "my genitalia" and options "penis", "vagina", "boobs" with multi-select of course and non mandatory. That would make it possible for people to state genitals without making it mandatory.

I think I agree with the gist of what @Meorin is saying here, and I was sort of alluding to it with my comment about inclusiveness.
Just adding more categories to slot yourself into seems counter productive to that goal, it's another way to point out the differences rather than putting the focus on our commonality.

I get what you're saying. But on the other hand I understand the needs to know genitalia upfront in certain situations.

I'm not sure it would be mandatory but it would increase transparency and help reduce misunderstandings when engaging with online play partners.

From my point of view it should be mandatory, but have a "I don't want to discluse" option. Thus all have to decide about it, but can choose not to tell anything. But I get what @Meorin is saying and it might be a problem for a group of people.

 

[Meorin]

Then how about phrasing it like "my genitalia" and options "penis", "vagina", "boobs" with multi-select of course and non mandatory. That would make it possible for people to state genitals without making it mandatory.

What you are doing here is sexually objectifying ANYONE who creates a profile. It is degrading by nature. You might not have an issue with that but others do, all for the sake of "fixing" an issue that your proposal will not fix in the first place. You can call it genitalia, you can call it primary sexual organs, you can call it "body presenting as" or whatever else you want to call it. It still does functionally the same and objectifies people without prior warning and without their consent.

I would probably choose "prefer not to disclose"

In that case, this doesn't even change anything for you because people will just be assholes and ask you all the same.


You are willing to change the website to make it less welcoming to many for a fix that does not even help you. It is one thing if a percentage of the USERS are assholes and objectify and degrade other users by acting like assholes. It is another thing when the Website itself does this.

What is stopping you to put "I don't disclose my genitalia" or something of that meaning on your about page? People who do not read the about page would not see this info even with your proposal in the first place and those who do read it, will know with or without your proposal.

 

[subzzzero]

I am still on the same mindset as my post in the prior thread.

This is clearly a hard limit for you just like anyone else having other hard limits. Listing it as such is the easiest most effective way. Everyone who’s actually informed in the kink world knows about limits. So this would be a place most would find it. It can go on profile directly, in any ads seeking play, on your signature, and limits are going to be in the primary discussion with any potentials.

Limits: discussing my anatomy

Done.

This next part is in no way an attack or a dig at you. This part is strictly fact.

You spent all this time/effort to make a redesign to the site approach for your personal preference when you could have just spent 60 seconds to ad this limit to your profile.

I do think the original discussion was value added. I enjoyed seeing everyone’s views.

 

[DJ-playmate]

Meorin you are being overwrought. Being able to choose to disclose your physical equipment, or not disclose it, does not degrade, objectify, or marginalize anyone.

 

[subdream]

What you are doing here is sexually objectifying ANYONE who creates a profile. It is degrading by nature. You might not have an issue with that but others do, all for the sake of "fixing" an issue that your proposal will not fix in the first place. You can call it genitalia, you can call it primary sexual organs, you can call it "body presenting as" or whatever else you want to call it. It still does functionally the same and objectifies people without prior warning and without their consent.

I tend to disagree. It is no more objectifying as asking for gender is.

In that case, this doesn't even change anything for you because people will just be assholes and ask you all the same.

That's true. It doesn't change anything for me specifically. But from the thread I got the impression that some people need to know that upfront. I tried to find a solution for this.

You are willing to change the website to make it less welcoming to many for a fix that does not even help you. It is one thing if a percentage of the USERS are assholes and objectify and degrade other users by acting like assholes. It is another thing when the Website itself does this.

That means we need to get rid of the question for gender as well.

What is stopping you to put "I don't disclose my genitalia" or something of that meaning on your about page? People who do not read the about page would not see this info even with your proposal in the first place and those who do read it, will know with or without your proposal.

That would be untrue. I just don't disclose my genitalia in the first couple messages. And people who write "what's your genitalia?" in their first message get ignored. Not because I don't want to talk about it, just because it is rude.

I am still on the same mindset as my post in the prior thread.

This is clearly a hard limit for you just like anyone else having other hard limits. Listing it as such is the easiest most effective way. Everyone who’s actually informed in the kink world knows about limits. So this would be a place most would find it. It can go on profile directly, in any ads seeking play, on your signature, and limits are going to be in the primary discussion with any potentials.

Limits: discussing my anatomy

It is not a limit at all.

You spent all this time/effort to make a redesign to the site approach for your personal preference when you could have just spent 60 seconds to ad this limit to your profile.

I do think the original discussion was value added. I enjoyed seeing everyone’s views.

Me too. If my proposal is not what this website needs, I fine with it. I'm open for any result of the discussion and I didn't put any relevant work in my proposal.

 

[subzzzero]

It is not a limit at all.

I disagree. I may not fall as a hard limit. But it is something you are not comfortable with. So it would at least fall in the soft limits category. Allowing that discussion to happen when you were comfortable with someone.

 

[subdream]

I disagree. I may not fall as a hard limit. But it is something you are not comfortable with. So it would at least fall in the soft limits category. Allowing that discussion to happen when you were comfortable with someone.

I'm sorry if I made that impression, which is perhaps since I lack skill in English language. It is not my mother tongue. I do not have gender dysphoria in a way I can not handle. In fact, I have no issue talking about genitalia with people I had a chat with, e.g. with you. I do have an issue when people cold message me with a question about my genitalia. It is plain rude. It is like sending dick pics - unfortunately quite common but still rude.

 

[__Daisy__]

Im sorry, but why is it anyone's business or concern regarding my body parts or lack of them?
Does it really matter whither I have a penis or a vagina when replying to my posts or chatting to me privately?
Perhaps it would be easier if, when signing up, a naked body pic had to be posted so everyone can see the genitalia possessed, body shape & size?
I've only signed up recently but have I made a mistake and this isn't a place for kink chat but it's really just hook up site?
Yes, you will always have rude people messaging with inappropriate questions, hell that happens everywhere, but filling out a large 'menu' isn't going to stop that.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Yes, you will always have rude people messaging with inappropriate questions

Indeed!
In fact this is something that confounds me all the time. Some of the idiotic stuff I've seen can't possibly be expecting an answer which leads me to conclude it must have been written by idiots.