Retired from lifestyle. Reconnected with Dom Non sexual bdsm a real thing?

[RoosterMiss]

I'm a retired switch hitter who has reconnected with her Dom- who is also retired from the lifestyle. we both have partners who are not and never been in the lifestyle and are in serious relationships. After reconnecting with my Dom we fell into a conversation quickly and he instructed me to do a simple non sexual command. Relinquishing control over myself, even over a simple task, felt amazing. He also felt the same. A sense of calm washed over both of us. It was a comfort neither had noticed was missed.

What has been playing in my mind all day is if a relationship can be established where I can fall back into a sub/Dom role with him without sexual interaction where we can keep our respective relationships unharmed and be faithful.

Non sexual bdsm relationship. Is this real?

 

[CuriouslyInterested]

Bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism an masochism. Sex isn't necessary to any part of BDSM, it just often comes along with it. There are plenty of ways to practice BDSM without sexual interaction.

Clothing control, masturbation control, daily chores, rituals, food control, bathroom control, tasks...these are all fairly common and none require either of you to lay a finger on each other, or even be in the same building.

The only thing that's necessary for a BDSM relationship is someone giving up control and someone else receiving it. Each individual relationship varies in the activities and boundaries within in the relationship.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

It is true that a purely non-sexual d/s relationship is possible but beware, it is still a relationship and as such demands some part of you be given to your Dom. Submission to a Dom is one of the most intimate things you could do, its no sex for now but are you sure you can keep it that way?

 

[marygaye69]

Hi. I think it is possible but only if some very strong boundaries are in place and even then it's tricky. Especially so with someone that you've had a sexual relationship with in the past. I would say, even with the best intentions in the world, you're potentially skating on thin ice. The other issue is the point you make about not wanting to cheat on your current respective partners. Even without sex involved, embarking on a D/s relationship with your ex secretly could still be construed as cheating if your current partner finds out you've been maintaining it in secret and behind his back. There's more to cheating than just sex...in fact, I would say sex is often the least important aspect of cheating. It's all the lying and sneaking around and deception that causes all the damage and emotional upset in the long run. So, while I do think it's possible to juggle relationships, it's so much easier if everybody involved is kept in the loop. And also, if you're feeling that you're lacking a D/s component in your life that might be something your current partner needs to know about you. Denying what makes you happy will just make you unhappy. You're in a tricky situation....that pull towards someone is very hard to ignore and it's even more difficult to control. And sex with an ex is the easiest thing in the world. I wish you luck. I hope you find a way to navigate through the situation.

 

[MasterMichaelNY]

I'm going to go with gut on this one. If you can get him to wear a cock cage, and give the key to his girlfriend or wife, yea, go play. Other wise, you two could slip.

 

[slavegirl4u]

In my Master/slave relationship sex is a part of it but there are many other aspects that much more prevalent. Many issues in my life he has taken total control over and as being a slave more issues are controlled than if I were living my life as a sub.

I have no rights as a slave so I need to ask permission to pee, eat and sleep and how it is done is according to the instructions of my Master. He also insists on weighs ins and how many bites of food I am allowed and when I eat. He also has a cleaning schedule and daily schedule that I need to follow. So there are many other aspects to being a slave outside of the realm of sex. There are plenty of sexual issues also but these are just a few things that are controlled that sex is not involved.

 

[mineus64]

Bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism an masochism. Sex isn't necessary to any part of BDSM, it just often comes along with it. There are plenty of ways to practice BDSM without sexual interaction.

Clothing control, masturbation control, daily chores, rituals, food control, bathroom control, tasks...these are all fairly common and none require either of you to lay a finger on each other, or even be in the same building.

The only thing that's necessary for a BDSM relationship is someone giving up control and someone else receiving it. Each individual relationship varies in the activities and boundaries within in the relationship.

I'd just like to say that this is a wonderful post, speaking as a sub who prefers a non/minimally sexual relationship. Being a dom isn't wholly about dominating a partner in bed, guys!

 

[Ares]

I'll be blunt about this. I think you already know the answers to the underlying questions. The ones that you haven't specifically asked.

The real questions are these: Can you have a psychological and emotional relationship with someone other than your partner without causing problems? Also, if you think you can, should you?

Simply, the answers to both of these is NO.

Having said that, maybe there is one ethical possibility. It could be possible IF and only if you feel that each of you could tell your respective partners about what you are doing without it damaging anything. If you don't think you could do that, then you already know that it would be WRONG.

It's that simple. It's not about the sex, it's about the relationship.