Seeking something online

[NinaV]

Thank you for the tips. May I try myself?

Hey NinaV

I have seen that you are new in the scene, which i really enjoy. Your unexperiencedness allows me to act as a pro without having a single clue what I am doing.
I describe myself as the perfect human being and my only flaw is that I am too humble.

I know it clicked between us, so provide me with your address, phone number and bank account data. I mean 'PLEASE provide me', I don't want to be rude afterall!

I don't need to know about your experiences or likes/ dislikes sicne I am the dom and get to decide anyways.

Congratulations, your day just ebcame great sicne I found you and see you in a private conversation soon!

Sincerely herpderp42

Did I do well or do I need some more work?

Seriously though, I hope the good expereinces are more numerous and more impactful than the bad ones and you enjoy it here Nina.

Hmm I must admit I had certain expectations, but so far mostly disappointed. It's possible that I've misunderstood the whole thing. Maybe I'm not actually a sub.

I find it challenging to see any difference between random guys I meet online who make certain requests and the individuals here who claim to be Doms and ask for the exact same things.
There don't seem to be any true dominant qualities exhibited. Instead, it feels like I'm working at a kinky version of a fast-food restaurant, where people are simply placing their orders.

“Your first task is to send me a picture of your underwear and/or nudes." We’ve only just met an hour ago, and I don't feel intimidated, intrigued, or seduced in the slightest. You could be anyone, even a coat hanger. At this point, I'd probably be more open to engaging with that.
(No pic)

I can't shake the feeling that they're lacking in certain or all areas of their real lives, and they try to compensate for it by pretending to be alphas here.

That or just guys being guys and using this site to milk girls for pics.

No one has been outright mean or anything, but I expected some genuine depth, intrigue, and personality.
I’d don’t know, clearly it’s working for some so it can’t be all that bad.

 

[herpderp42]

Based on “ posting” you seem more sub?

Hmm I must admit I had certain expectations, but so far mostly disappointed. It's possible that I've misunderstood the whole thing. Maybe I'm not actually a sub.

I find it challenging to see any difference between random guys I meet online who make certain requests and the individuals here who claim to be Doms and ask for the exact same things.
There don't seem to be any true dominant qualities exhibited. Instead, it feels like I'm working at a kinky version of a fast-food restaurant, where people are simply placing their orders.

“Your first task is to send me a picture of your underwear and/or nudes." We’ve only just met an hour ago, and I don't feel intimidated, intrigued, or seduced in the slightest. You could be anyone, even just a meaningless object like a coat hanger. In fact, at this point, I'd probably be more open to engaging with that.
(No pic)

It's really off-putting. I can't shake the feeling that they're lacking in certain or all areas of their real lives, and they try to compensate for it by pretending to be alphas here.
That or just guys being guys and using this site to milk girls for pics.

No one has been outright mean or anything, but I expected some genuine depth, intrigue, and personality.
I’d don’t know, clearly it’s working for some so it can’t be all that bad.

I suppose the first line was directed at cwolfgang.

Being submissive is an umbrella term for a large spectrum. In the end it doesn't really matter if you are truely 'submissive' or not, as long as you find something you enjoy. In fact, I am very glad that even if you aren't experienced, you are certainly true to yourself and don't just act on anybody who messages you. For me personally there is a huge difference between being dominant or being SOMEBODY's dom. As long as I am not that person's dom, that person doesn't owe me anything.

The sad truth is that there will be replies which just try to milk and some being inexperienced but not truthful about it/ pretending to be better than they are. I suppose it makes it easier for them? But this is also the internet, it is easy to lie or be less than perfectly honest on here, which is a huge temptation to act on it and be a bit more of the person one wishes to be. And as long it isn't hurtful to the other person I personally can forgive small 'lies' if it makes the person feel better abotu her-/himself. But there are obviously limits on how far you should push your own image.

Additonally, even if you find a good dominant, it isn't clear wheter he fits to you and your likes, so the search can always be hard.

You mentioned some clear expectations. Maybe you can describe those a bit to give a better impression of what you are looking for? What do you expect the dom to make you do? Which fantasies turn you on and would like to experiment with a bit?

 

[subzzzero]

It would entail exchanging pics and phone calls - which I have done before but it’s been very vanilla and with people I knew very well.

This is why you’re getting requests for pics immediately. Guys don’t read profiles most times and rush to the prize.

Your first task is to send me a picture of your underwear and/or nudes." We’ve only just met an hour ago, and I don't feel intimidated, intrigued, or seduced in the slightest.

You mention the problem right in your own post.
If you are already tasking with someone and have only spoken an hour at most that’s why it is feeling empty.


Think of a Dom sub dynamic as a regular vanilla relationship. You build trust and a foundation for the relationship over time and communication, Common grounds, talking and learning about each other. You’re focused on long term and making it all mean something. It should involve long discussion about both sides likes, dislikes, kinks, limits. But also include the non kink things as well. Taking over time and connecting is what will give it that meaning and significance. Then you’ll both be caring more invested more and it won’t feel empty.

Now on the alternative side. One night stands. This is done for instant physical gratification in the moment. Minimal investment in each person other than “do we wanna get in bed together for the night”. Outside of the physical need there’s no real time spent vetting. No real time spent connecting. And after the likely hood you both talk again is minimal.
In the kink world this would best equate to a topping:bottoming scene situation. It doenst come with the connection of Hes my Dom she’s my sub. It’s just physical in the moment kink exploration. You’ll see this at dungeons often. Now the dif is that even here you need some basics for vetting. Likes dislikes limits safeword. The doms experience and maybe a sub or Dom who is present who can vouch for him.


So my advice is this. First know what “you” want from all this. Are you seeking long term connection or just a shallow play partner. Maybe add more to your profile and any ads you post. Currently it just basically states you might be sub leaning brat. You don’t want to be told what to do but forced to do things. You like Cnc.
You don’t have much if any kinks. You don’t clarify on the expectations.
Cnc is one kink best done with a long term partner. This would be a kink I personally would have a sub 6 months to a year before even considering.
Bratting and disobedience are a fine line divided and will probably need thorough discussion on expectations with your partner to get what you seek without misunderstanding leading to negative relationship effects.

Now as far as what type of guys are here and why on kink sites. Ratio wise from my personal experience you’ll find 1-5 decent legit Dom per every 50-100 crappy, wank material focused, guys. Most get on the kink sites thinking a sub is an easy target. They see online as a play and forget situation. Not seeing the person as a person but more a tool to wank with and discard.

Browse posts and profiles here and wherever else you might be looking. Even if a guy reaches out to you. Learn about the guys from what they’ve already shared. Likely you’ll see a pattern of no activity or shallow focus one liners seeking easy play for the crappier ones. But the ones who participate and contribute you’ll be able to see some of how they work and what they think.


Hope this sheds some light and maybe helps you on your journey.

 

[cwolfgang]

I suppose the first line was directed at cwolfgang.

Being submissive is an umbrella term for a large spectrum. In the end it doesn't really matter if you are truely 'submissive' or not, as long as you find something you enjoy. In fact, I am very glad that even if you aren't experienced, you are certainly true to yourself and don't just act on anybody who messages you. For me personally there is a huge difference between being dominant or being SOMEBODY's dom. As long as I am not that person's dom, that person doesn't owe me anything.

The sad truth is that there will be replies which just try to milk and some being inexperienced but not truthful about it/ pretending to be better than they are. I suppose it makes it easier for them? But this is also the internet, it is easy to lie or be less than perfectly honest on here, which is a huge temptation to act on it and be a bit more of the person one wishes to be. And as long it isn't hurtful to the other person I personally can forgive small 'lies' if it makes the person feel better abotu her-/himself. But there are obviously limits on how far you should push your own image.

Additonally, even if you find a good dominant, it isn't clear wheter he fits to you and your likes, so the search can always be hard.

You mentioned some clear expectations. Maybe you can describe those a bit to give a better impression of what you are looking for? What do you expect the dom to make you do? Which fantasies turn you on and would like to experiment with a bit?

Directed at me for which reason? I find that somewhat offensive. I've been a respectful and understanding member of this community for a long time and as far as what Nina has described with past experiences, I am just as disappointed and shocked at how some men use these kinds of websites as anybody else. Please don't make assumptions on people you don't know, have never talked to, etc. This is supposed to be a space for everyone to be comfortable--don't be just as bad as the creeps asking girls for naked pictures.

 

[herpderp42]

Directed at me for which reason? I find that somewhat offensive. I've been a respectful and understanding member of this community for a long time and as far as what Nina has described with past experiences, I am just as disappointed and shocked at how some men use these kinds of websites as anybody else. Please don't make assumptions on people you don't know, have never talked to, etc. This is supposed to be a space for everyone to be comfortable--don't be just as bad as the creeps asking girls for naked pictures.

Sorry if that came as offensive. I didn't look at your profile at all, I merely based my assumption on the order of her reply (first that message, than the quote than the rest) and I didn't see any connection to my post.

And to clarify: The line in question was the simple 'Based on “ posting” you seem more sub?' which doesn't seem offensive either.

There is nothing wrong with being a switch, no matter how subby or dommy leaning you are. In fact I am technically a switch myself, even if heavily dominant leaning.
Sorry again, I really didn't mean anything other than the purer objective meaning by that line and it was meant as an indirect question.

 

[cwolfgang]

Sorry if that came as offensive. I didn't look at your profile at all, I merely based my assumption on the order of her reply (first that message, than the quote than the rest) and I didn't see any connection to my post.

And to clarify: The line in question was the simple 'Based on “ posting” you seem more sub?' which doesn't seem offensive either.

There is nothing wrong with being a switch, no matter how subby or dommy leaning you are. In fact I am technically a switch myself, even if heavily dominant leaning.
Sorry again, I really didn't mean anything other than the purer objective meaning by that line and it was meant as an indirect question.

Yeah no harm, apologies for my bellicosity earlier. Sometimes these sites are tough to navigate.

 

[NinaV]

Yeah no harm, apologies for my bellicosity earlier. Sometimes these sites are tough to navigate.

It’s my bad, I forgot to delete the first line that was originally meant for you. My long post was not directed at you at all.

 

[cwolfgang]

It’s my bad, I forgot to delete the first line that was originally meant for you. My long post was not directed at you at all.

Ah, sorry if I offended you somehow or came off as just looking for pics or something salacious, that's never my intention!

 

[NinaV]

This is why you’re getting requests for pics immediately. Guys don’t read profiles most times and rush to the prize.



You mention the problem right in your own post.
If you are already tasking with someone and have only spoken an hour at most that’s why it is feeling empty.


Think of a Dom sub dynamic as a regular vanilla relationship. You build trust and a foundation for the relationship over time and communication, Common grounds, talking and learning about each other. You’re focused on long term and making it all mean something. It should involve long discussion about both sides likes, dislikes, kinks, limits. But also include the non kink things as well. Taking over time and connecting is what will give it that meaning and significance. Then you’ll both be caring more invested more and it won’t feel empty.

Now on the alternative side. One night stands. This is done for instant physical gratification in the moment. Minimal investment in each person other than “do we wanna get in bed together for the night”. Outside of the physical need there’s no real time spent vetting. No real time spent connecting. And after the likely hood you both talk again is minimal.
In the kink world this would best equate to a topping:bottoming scene situation. It doenst come with the connection of Hes my Dom she’s my sub. It’s just physical in the moment kink exploration. You’ll see this at dungeons often. Now the dif is that even here you need some basics for vetting. Likes dislikes limits safeword. The doms experience and maybe a sub or Dom who is present who can vouch for him.


So my advice is this. First know what “you” want from all this. Are you seeking long term connection or just a shallow play partner. Maybe add more to your profile and any ads you post. Currently it just basically states you might be sub leaning brat. You don’t want to be told what to do but forced to do things. You like Cnc.
You don’t have much if any kinks. You don’t clarify on the expectations.
Cnc is one kink best done with a long term partner. This would be a kink I personally would have a sub 6 months to a year before even considering.
Bratting and disobedience are a fine line divided and will probably need thorough discussion on expectations with your partner to get what you seek without misunderstanding leading to negative relationship effects.

Now as far as what type of guys are here and why on kink sites. Ratio wise from my personal experience you’ll find 1-5 decent legit Dom per every 50-100 crappy, wank material focused, guys. Most get on the kink sites thinking a sub is an easy target. They see online as a play and forget situation. Not seeing the person as a person but more a tool to wank with and discard.

Browse posts and profiles here and wherever else you might be looking. Even if a guy reaches out to you. Learn about the guys from what they’ve already shared. Likely you’ll see a pattern of no activity or shallow focus one liners seeking easy play for the crappier ones. But the ones who participate and contribute you’ll be able to see some of how they work and what they think.


Hope this sheds some light and maybe helps you on your journey.

Thank you Great post!

 

[NinaV]

Ah, sorry if I offended you somehow or came off as just looking for pics or something salacious, that's never my intention!

Nono! You didn’t do anything wrong! I just briefly looked at your posts and thought that we probably aren’t sexually compatible. But hell, I don’t even know anymore