sub drop, aftercare and casual play

[nina]

Sub drop is a low point that a sub or bottom may experience physically or emotionally after intense play (intense being subjective), as the effect of the hormones (endorphins, dopamine, oxytocins) released during the play starts withering away. It can lead to feeling down and low, unimportant, embarrassed, emotionally raw and physically less energetic in the following days. (This is a good online resource I found.)

Usually in committed relationships aftercare follows which may help with the drop. But how do you cope up with the sub drop in the absence of committed D/s when you indulge in either solo or casual online play?

Things that come to my mind are if the play partner is willing, have some sort of a debrief after the play and try to spend some time with them randomly/ chatting etc. If that is not possible, indulge in some self care and cuddle or distract yourself doing your favourite vanilla things or being around your favourite people. Sleep it off and know that this low point too shall pass.

So kinktalkers, specially subs who indulge in casual play, do you ever experience sub drop? If yes, how do you understand you are experiencing it? What are some of the ways in which you cope with it?

 

[Magnetic]

What does "drop" means in this context? The equivalent in vanilla relationships of turning around after sex and falling sleep facing the wall?

 

[nina]

What does "drop" means in this context? The equivalent in vanilla relationships of turning around after sex and falling sleep facing the wall?

I am not sure if that would be a correct parallel. BDSM generally involves much more physical exertion than vanilla sex.

While the vanilla equivalent example you describe indicates lack of emotional intimacy, which can also be there in a drop as sub space empowers subs to endure a lot more during play but may also enhance their submissive feeling in some types of play that demand more mental aspects of submission, and thus their need to get validation and care from the Dominant later which can go unmet in casual play.

However, sub drop can also be at a physical or physiological level due to a "drop" in pleasure or feel good hormones after the play and is generally more directly related to the play.

 

[subzzzero]

So I answered this one when it was asked before but this time it’s now specific to casual/ online.
Here goes.
So I’ll address casual as non dynamic related. When participating in casual play like single play partner sessions or at dungeons and meets I still experience a form of the Dom “drop”
In the moment I’m solely focused on the sub/bottom, watching her for any physical emotional or verbal signals. Reading every move, twitch, tensing of muscle to ensure she’s safe. Seeing do I need to alter technique or change approach, location, intensity. When the session is going on the rest of the world shuts down to me. I’m isolated from all sounds around me the only things I hear are directly related to her and I. After this type session I feel mentally drained and usually end up with a headache of some sort. The after care if you want to call it that is mainly talking out the scene to ensure she’s still good. Beyond that for myself I also provide any aftercare she needs as we discussed prior to play. Then usually on my ride home it’s loud music windows down and once I’m home a few drinks to sort of reset things mentally. I don’t ever get the down or depression stuff but most definitely mentally drained.
Online play is a bit different. When I can’t directly control things in my hands, a lot more relies on the sub taking direction. In turn it all just feels less intense and therefore I usually have no issues afterwards. I do still provide any aftercare needed for the sub however I have no personal drop effect from online play. Unless it’s live cam to cam I think the pause between things is the reason for this. I give direction, sub sees direction, sub performs action, sub shows or reports direction, I take in results. All those tiny pauses make it less continuous and feels way less intense.

 

[nina]

I give direction, sub sees direction, sub performs action, sub shows or reports direction, I take in results. All those tiny pauses make it less continuous and feels way less intense.

@subzzzero do the subs experience a drop after performing an intense task, if they do experience but do not understand it is a drop, how do you help them, if they report they experience a drop, what aftercare do you usually give them

 

[subzzzero]

For sessions and online tasking I implement an approach like a mini turbo dynamic. So what I’ve found is that play partners or for online play such as auction and task groups need that info sharing but don’t want the long drawn out connection piece. So it’s a quick Briefing on likes dislikes limits and aftercare . Suggestive techniques from the sub to more easily find common ground.
I’d say the mix is about 50/50 some drop and others don’t. In my experiences it’s been the more experienced subs that don’t really drop in casual play or can compartmentalize the fact It’s a scene and not a long term dynamic. Some just wanted to sit and talk for a bit after. Others wanted cool compresss after impact or hair stroking or just sitting up against me as they came down. They really never hit drop necessarily but just allowing a controlled coming down helped.
If they seem less aware of potential drop then I hang around more make suggestions as to what I feel would fit them best based on what we discussed prior. It’s generally unique to each person. Food snacks or drink ( non alcohol) help lots too. To get the body recovering from the intense workout. Whether online or in person I make sure they have a method of contact for me and if things go south for them later they are always free to message me. I also will still check in every couple hours and once the next day to be sure. I’ve seen some who think they’re fine and a day later are then finally dropping. Others I’ve beaten to bloody at a dungeon and they want nothing more than a tiny hangout afterwards and they’re good. In person methods have been lotions, showers, baths, massages, movies, snacks, drinks, comfort items, talking, listening, contact of their choice, hair brushing, and many others.

 

[nina]

Wow @subzzzero those are some great methods of aftercare. I can totally relate to feeling dehydrated or thirsty during or after play.

To add I think there is a difference between bottom space and sub space with the latter involving the emotional aspect too and in casual play it is best to not get attached and move into sub space but remain in bottom space which keeps any drop limited to physical or physiological aspects only.

Thanks for your insights, it will definitely spread awareness about this issue.