The Dominant & Submissive Paradox

[Agent Green]

I'm the process of beginning a new relationship with a girl and she recently spilled to me she is dominant. Her confession was not a surprise to me, but up until this moment our roles in the relationship were largely unspoken.

Durning our conversation she said something interesting that stuck me. She said she wanted to love me in her own way and dominate me with her own desires. She felt however that it was never truly possible. That in reality my desire to be submissive really meant I was always in control and that her domination could never really be true.

Can you truly dominate a man if his deepest desire is to please and submit? Or does there always exist a paradox were by the submissive is always somehow in control?

 

[HaplessYouth]

Yes, one could truely dominate a man who wants to be sumissive.

 

[LadyLomion]

There are levels of submission, and a wide variety of D/s relationship. For some mistresses, having a dutiful boy toodling along behind her is enough, all "Yes Madam. Of course Madam." is all it takes In fact to those the idea of having to force a man to do her bidding, or to genuinely humiliate or bully him would be unacceptably cruel to them.

Others need that level of edge to their D/s. They don't want to break a man that wants to be broken.

Lis x

 

[tempered_sugar]

I wouldn't over think it. D/s isn't a science

So many people get wrapped up in the the rule making, the defining roles, the having contracts blah blah blah. Just have fun!! That is the whole point of D/s or BDSM, it isn't a lifestyle so just see what happens and enjoy yourselves

 

[hazzahslave]

I see where you are both coming from and you both have very valid points of view. However i believe that it is just different for different people, i think it is naive of sugar to think it is just about having fun, i mean i do agree, the inital point of D/s is to have fun but for many people it is much more because they feel it needs to be. for a lot of people D/s is a way of life because without being dominated they feel lost. But sticking to the question stated i would say, that a sub male can truly be dominated if it is done correctly, a way to do this would be maybe to actually punish him with something that he would never desire. he may always feel in control if he secretly wants his punishments.

H

 

[SubMissChievous]

Can you truly dominate a man if his deepest desire is to please and submit?

Yes, of course. Why not?

I know that, for some, the interest is to "break" the sub so to speak. To "make them" submit. But, the way I see it, this is just a kink. Some Dominants don't like having to do this and would rather prefer having someone who already will submit without any "force" needed. It's all just a matter of preference. In the end, there's no way that is better, as long as you find which one works for you two

So many people get wrapped up in the the rule making, the defining roles, the having contracts blah blah blah. Just have fun!! That is the whole point of D/s or BDSM, it isn't a lifestyle so just see what happens and enjoy yourselves

Sugar... I understand and agree, to some extent, with what you're saying... And, yes, some people do get "wrapped up" and become overwhelmed with what they hear or read on the internet, etc.

But please, understand that it can be very different for some other people. Rules, contracts and all that "blah blah" may not mean a lot to you but it certainly does for some others and can even be part of that "fun" you're talking about

And the whole point of D/s or BDSM can also be different for others too. And whether it is a lifestyle or not is really relative and, again, just a matter of preference *shrugs*

I could go on and more in details although it would take the thread a bit off-topic to the OP anyway... and I think you all get my point. It is all a matter of preference. Simply

So, back to the OP, just take your time with your partner (and yeah I agree with Sugar about not overthinking this). Remember that there is no way that is more real or true as long as what you're doing is what makes you happy and fulfilled

 

[tempered_sugar]

However i believe that it is just different for different people, i think it is naive of sugar to think it is just about having fun, i mean i do agree, the inital point of D/s is to have fun but for many people it is much more because they feel it needs to be. for a lot of people D/s is a way of life because without being dominated they feel lost.
H

I totally agree it is different for everyone but my comment was not naive it is based on my experience and the experiences of a lot of friends. Real life always gets in the way so no you can never fully dominate someone, that would be slavery and there is a reason most people disagree with it.

What I meant by having fun wasn't about anything sexual. When starting any relationship its about getting to know each other and having fun together (not everything is about sex/BDSM/Ds), exploring is part of that and exploring relationship dynamics can be a lot of fun. Going into something saying "I am a dominant and am going to expect and do x, y and z" is naive. Going in with your eyes wide open, knowing that you both want to explore is much more realistic and so much more interesting too.

I kept my previous reply short and to the point because I don't like to ramble on, clearly I needed to explain myself though.

 

[tiedguy51]

I think the submissive (male or female) gives up control the moment they submit to their Dom/Domme. The Dom/Domme has control from that point on and is free to do whatever they wish, within the parameters of their relationship. Some couples set limits, in which case the sub has some control (no pain, nothing public, etc). But even those limits can be exceeded by the Dom/Domme under certain circumstances.

 

[Kegger]

Looking for female slave must be over 18

If you are a female over the age of 18 and looking for a master Send me a pm must be willing to send pic's

 

[darelicious]

Simple ansswer- yes.

I totally agree ...

Tempered_sugar's response sums it up nicely.
As a top, my actions/directions/interaction are largely based on those
activities I KNOW the sub I am dominating will enjoy... afterall, the sub's desire
is to engage in an activity that is satisfying to them, that fulfills them, and ergo.. enjoy. So, I always try to create scenarios and scenes that first, I
know my submissive will enjoy. And occasionally, when the mood is right,
take the submissive to a place that tests their limits.

So, who's in control? Yes, the submissive.
On the otherhand, what's in it for the dominant
- simple answer: I wouldn't be doing it if I wasn't also getting enjoyment...