Today's Dominance

[Damokles]

Isn't it sad and frightening how many people take it for granted that they are the creation of mankind?
Or is it normal these days that people no longer want to get to know the other person, but are just looking for the next kick?

For me, it has always been a gift and an honor to have people at my mercy.
Of course, some people want to be treated like a "worthless piece of shit". But is that a reason to forget my manners?

Or am I just being old-fashioned and have missed the boat in terms of understanding that this is a normal thing?
Or am I too narrow-minded and this is exactly what others expect and want?

 

[SilverShadeLynx]

In todays age of technology there are new sites and apps popping up every day. I think that's a big reason why it gets easier and easier to fulfill those kicks.

So many people are flocking to these websites. And with them they bring a decent amount of people looking to just take advantage of others. Especially in these days, where sharing just a little bit too much about yourself can result in a lot of negativity.

I feel that nowadays it is very hard to find a genuine connection.

 

[Damokles]

Being real and being anonymous are not mutually exclusive, but of course they do limit each other.

Of course, our modern age has its advantages. It's just easier to connect with each other. You are no longer so alone just because you are "different.
But this ephemeral nature of our media also leads to this ephemeral nature in interpersonal aspects.
It's all so... superficial.
I feel like a lot of people forget that there is a human being on the other side, and not just an option to bridge their own boredom of being in the short term.

You just have to look hard to find the grail among all the shiny gold.

Especially in these days, where sharing just a little bit too much about yourself can result in a lot of negativity.

The big problem of the Internet, trust. But trust is a fundamental basis of BDSM.

 

[subzzzero]

I think the viewpoint I carry for how things work is that you’ll find 1-2 decent legit potential longterm matches in the kink life per every 100 or so post and ghost thirsty fakes. I’m not saying don’t shoot your shot or cast your line I’m just saying to set realistic expectations.

First the whole community online and in person is male heavy. So the female role is the hot commodity. Whether it be sub or domme. And I’d even go so far as to say sub males have even more a fight due to pay for play dommes or pay for play ladies posing as dommes. As soon as a few guys pay these ladies all see it’s possible and the thought shifts from kink to money making. Tributes of cash payments and allowances it’s all just business. If y’all would stop paying it would stop being a thing. But as we all know sex sells and so onlyfans has driven a huge hit to muddying up the kink community.

The other view is people are horny and want immediate gratification. The internet provides that. It used to be one way just watching pics or vids. Now it’s live two way cam feeds with the ability to interact as if you’re sitting in the same room when you might be on a different continent. I think those type people see it as the videos still. It’s media and entertainment to use and get off then they just ghost due to no investment. This approach can be stopped by making people invest time into you before doing the kinky things, before role playing, or before sending nudes.

Today I got a private chat here. It just said punish me. My reply was no. And I blocked and moved on. Someone will bite and go for that convo and they will just reinforce bad behavior further shortening the kink community.

The internet is good for making commons connections and discussion but I always recommend local communities when trying to find a suitable match. Munches and meets will allow that connection to form organically.

 

[Damokles]

I think the viewpoint I carry for how things work is that you’ll find 1-2 decent legit potential longterm matches in the kink life per every 100 or so post and ghost thirsty fakes. I’m not saying don’t shoot your shot or cast your line I’m just saying to set realistic expectations.

Patience, a virtue not everyone learns.

Regarding payment - as you said, it's a business and demand regulates supply.

Of course it is not my intention to tell others that their lives are wrong. If you're just looking for the next kick, you're welcome to it if you find the necessary means/person for it. Unfortunately, communication is so error-prone. Which is why it doesn't always have to be that the other person is just looking for a kick too.

Local communities tend to be too exclusive and, like the lack of women already mentioned, it is often the case that it is not so easy to get in as a man without appropriate payment. And sexual interests and payment are not compatible for me, but this is my point of view.
But maybe I was just unlucky in my search.

Especially since I've always found my long-term partners when I wasn't looking for them ^^

My intention was also less to complain about the "I'm looking for a kick" or "I can only articulate myself in one word". (ok, maybe a little ^^)
But I didn't want it to be forgotten that there are also other views and I'm glad to read that I'm not alone in this.
So thx for you contribution @SilverShadeLynx @subzzzero

 

[Jessamie]

Hi

 

[subzzzero]

Hi

The irony of this post in this discussion thread is perfect

 

[Naughty nova]

I can tell you as a female sub I get a lot of messages from Dom that are one liners demanding to know tit size. Biggest fantasy. Craziest place I have ever had sex.

They don't even bother with hello how are you. Those I either ignore or reply with a I don't know you sorry.

The ones I do engage in. Conversation with are the ones that at least acknowledge me as a person first. Just because I am a sub does not mean you get to come in demand anything. Untill I give you permission to demand things from me you get nothing. I know not all subs feel that way. I will fully submit to someone I respect and feel safe with. If it done feel the respect or safe you get nothing but my very dominant attitude side. If you want my permission to play with me you have to earn it. Just like you should expect your sub to get to know your preferences.

To all the Doms out there even if a sub wants humiliation and degregation they are still a human beinga and have choices. Get to know them before you go demanding things. You will have better responses at least with the ones who are not just out for a quick thrill.

It does take time to establish a relationship. Some or deep connections. Some are ment for more casual (which is ok also) but I feel it is important to know at least the basics. If you can't have a decent conversation without sex and kink involved then how can you truly trust a scene with them.

 

[Damokles]

Hi

I'm not sure whether to cry or laugh

@Naughty nova, Good and true words

 

[SilverShadeLynx]

I can tell you as a female sub I get a lot of messages from Dom that are one liners demanding to know tit size. Biggest fantasy. Craziest place I have ever had sex.

They don't even bother with hello how are you. Those I either ignore or reply with a I don't know you sorry.

The ones I do engage in. Conversation with are the ones that at least acknowledge me as a person first. Just because I am a sub does not mean you get to come in demand anything. Untill I give you permission to demand things from me you get nothing. I know not all subs feel that way. I will fully submit to someone I respect and feel safe with. If it done feel the respect or safe you get nothing but my very dominant attitude side. If you want my permission to play with me you have to earn it. Just like you should expect your sub to get to know your preferences.

To all the Doms out there even if a sub wants humiliation and degregation they are still a human beinga and have choices. Get to know them before you go demanding things. You will have better responses at least with the ones who are not just out for a quick thrill.

It does take time to establish a relationship. Some or deep connections. Some are ment for more casual (which is ok also) but I feel it is important to know at least the basics. If you can't have a decent conversation without sex and kink involved then how can you truly trust a scene with them.

Exactly. This. The amount of people both male and female that only see kink as a way to get a quick fix is ridiculous. It is so hard these days to find someone that doesn't just see or treat you as a kink dispenser.

Especially the ones that say they are dominant but just use it as an excuse to assert their dominance over others. And i really hate that. Because it does make it that more harder for someone that does know what they are doing to find a partner.

I'd rather have 1 single person i can build a genuine connection with than 100 people who don't take this seriously.

 

[Damokles]

@SilverShadeLynx , As if you had read my mind.

They are those conspicuous and loud people. Those whose stupidity prevents them from questioning their actions. It's those who drag this wonderful gift that we humans are allowed to live out into the dirt.

I trade with my friends just as much as with companions or those people who want my attention. Better a few who are worth it than a large mass of gray figures.

 

[Cleo420]

Took me a minute to figure out how to recognize when someone would message me and want me to just send videos. I thankfully had help from someone willing to go through heavy conversation to help me feel more comfortable about interacting with others online.

The doms that I seem to have had the most complications with is the ones that seem like they are interested and want to talk but then they refuse any kind of question or request I may pose.

 

[Naughty nova]

Took me a minute to figure out how to recognize when someone would message me and want me to just send videos. I thankfully had help from someone willing to go through heavy conversation to help me feel more comfortable about interacting with others online.

The doms that I seem to have had the most complications with is the ones that seem like they are interested and want to talk but then they refuse any kind of question or request I may pose.

Yeah the it's all about me and you don't matter at all you are only for my pleasure type. I get as a dome it is them in control but if your needs are never even considered let alone met then is it really worth it. Not everyone wants to be just a fuck toy. I understand that my Doms needs cim first but if my needs are never met then it's definitely not a dynamic I want to be in.

 

[Cleo420]

Yeah the it's all about me and you don't matter at all you are only for my pleasure type. I get as a dome it is them in control but if your needs are never even considered let alone met then is it really worth it. Not everyone wants to be just a fuck toy. I understand that my Doms needs cim first but if my needs are never met then it's definitely not a dynamic I want to be in.

I could not agree more. While I understand some are not wanting to share photos of themselves (I’m completely fine if they really don’t want to) If the dom doesn’t it doesnt really meet my needs. I'm a very visual person and seeing the results from my tasks or just the videos I share adds a whole level of pleasure for me.

 

[Naughty nova]

I could not agree more. While I understand some are not wanting to share photos of themselves (I’m completely fine if they really don’t want to) If the dom doesn’t it doesnt really meet my needs. I'm a very visual person and seeing the results from my tasks or just the videos I share adds a whole level of pleasure for me.

I agree. If I am expected to send pics and proof why can't I expect something equal in return. I don't need face unless my Dom is comfortable with that but don't demand pics from me and then refuse to even discuss sending anything in return. For me it's a trust thing also if you don't trust me enough to share them why should I trust you.

 

[Cleo420]

I agree. If I am expected to send pics and proof why can't I expect something equal in return. I don't need face unless my Dom is comfortable with that but don't demand pics from me and then refuse to even discuss sending anything in return. For me it's a trust thing also if you don't trust me enough to share them why should I trust you.

The one that really kinda threw me for a loop was I was messaging someone and we were talking for a good while and he explained that he didn’t send photos. I was not 100% about it but I tried anyway. Well I requested an audio file with their voice. It could have been a praise. Even a task. (I have a bit of a thing when it comes to voices and especially when that person’s native tongue is different than mine. It’s such a huge turn on!) He ignored the request and when I kept bringing it up he wouldn’t respond at first and just kept requesting more from me. It made me squeamish just talking to him after so I stopped.

 

[Naughty nova]

I totally understand. And yes the voice thing is such a turn on. I imagine my Dom voice just saying cum when he tells me it's ok. But he has sent pictures would love to hear his voice. But he never ignores me. The answer may be no but at least give me an answer

 

[Cleo420]

Right. I get I may not get the answer I want but respect me enough to answer me and honestly.

 

[Naughty nova]

Right. I get I may not get the answer I want but respect me enough to answer me and honestly.

Yep but he was probably afraid if he said no you would quit talking well guess what I would rather have an honest no then to be ignored

 

[Cleo420]

He could have been. I have noticed where people who have been members for years but they don’t have any messages or point me or reaction score. Took me a minute to realize I needed to check that. It has reduced the amount of issues I was having.