When is kink not Kink but is “Damage Goods”

[Lightbulb]

Okay. To help me determine something here I need to know if your kinks need to escalate over time or they give the same level of satisfaction as the years tole on ?

I do wonder, based on a lifetime of experience and a very high level of education in human psychology if this is not the quintessential decider.

If it’s the “escalator” model then does this really indicate a unconscious need to increase frequency and depth and nature of sexual activity in order to maintain the suppression of unprocessed trauma (using that word in its widest sense)

If it’s the static model does that represent “it’s excites me but that’s all- I’m not hiding from things I’m struggling to cope with- I can’t say a lot about this model because I’m very much on the escalator.

It’s occurring to me of late that simply saying (mainly to myself) I can’t maintain stable sexual relationships because I’ve become bored with what’s on offer is an inadequate explanation.

Comments welcome

 

[bookishkitten]

I know I’m new here, but this post poses a potential psychological question and as that is my field of work and study I thought I might be able to provide a helpful perspective.

From what you have described, my understanding of the “escalator model” is a person becoming less satisfied with the level of reinforcement received from things that used to provide ample reinforcement. If you look at it from a neurochemical standpoint, it sounds similar to addiction or building a tolerance to something. Our brains can become addicted to its own neurotransmitters (especially dopamine) and if something produces that “high” or intense pleasure/satisfaction, the effects can dim as our brains build a tolerance to that level of the neurotransmitter and then will require higher levels to achieve the same feeling. That being said, I don’t think that is the sole factor or the only explanation.

As far as suppressing trauma, that will vary from person to person. I imagine the level of their awareness of that trauma and the extent to which they have addressed/processed it would also be a factor. Though I don’t believe that trauma has to be present in every case.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

I thought I might be able to provide a helpful perspective.

Thank you for this, it does add a lot to the OP, hopefully he will find it useful!

Welcome by the way, glad to have you with us!

 

[daddyloveone]

I know this is off topic but I am always keen to a Subs mind like why do they want what they want explained in psychological way.

As you are a sub yourself how would you describe why you want a Dom from a psychologist perspective.

I know I’m new here, but this post poses a potential psychological question and as that is my field of work and study I thought I might be able to provide a helpful perspective.

 

[bookishkitten]

As you are a sub yourself how would you describe why you want a Dom from a psychologist perspective.

I actually love this question. And stuff like this is interesting to me as well.

Personally, it’s a combination of things.

In my work (crisis clinician), I am in control and have a lot of responsibilities to my team and the clients we serve. So it’s nice to find a balance to that where I don’t have to make all the decisions and to have someone looking after me.

Having late diagnosed Adult ADHD, I struggle with executive functioning, so having someone else checking in and holding me accountable helps tremendously for everyday things.

Through therapy, I’ve been able to process the lack of trust I had growing up of the people who had power over me. And in that, I avoided positions of power for a long time so I would never be able to use that power OVER someone in a toxic way, like had be done to me. So the act of entering a consensual power dynamic with rules and expectations outlined in many ways gives me my power back. If that makes sense.

Lastly, childhood trauma
Not to make light of it, but it does play a factor in both of the reasons above.

 

[daddyloveone]

Very interesting answer
I have to add traumas play a big part in being submissive.
I have chatted with few subs and most of them had suffered some kind of trauma which let them to be submissive and want someone to control them.

And some use it as therapy.

 

[Zanatas]

I really disagree with the link between kink and trauma (save for trauma kinks, obviously), and also with the use of the escalator metaphor here. You can feel the need to escalate your practices and have nothing to do with suppressing trauma or whatever not, vanilla people can get bored with vanilla sex and try other stuff to make vanilla sex more interesting again, sometimes you just don't like routines or have a need to change things, that's ok and not trauma-related in my opinion.

I do believe that most of us have this feeling of escalating pratices, in their own degrees from person to person, because we, as kinksters, like to explore more, otherwise we probably wouldn't even try kink in the first place lol.

Again, not denying that some people do have traumas and they are related to their kinks, but I really think it's a awful look at kink to link both in such a way. You can have traumas and have kinks as separate things, and separate things that do not interfere with each other, except for trauma kinks that have seen shown to be used for therapeutic reasons but let me be extremely clear: BDSM AND KINKS AREN'T THERAPY. They could offer some help but no amount of serving, dominating, whipping or getting whipped will help you surpass your trauma, please seek help for that.