The is gonna be a bit of a rant, so grab a fresh beverage and settle in.
In the last few weeks I've had to intervene a half dozen times in situations where members here, all sub females have been harassed, blackmailed, put in awkward and distressing situations and generally not given the respect they are entitled to.
The culprits in most cases were doms acting like arrogant, entitled assholes. "But whats the problem?" I hear them squawk. "Doms are boss, we do what we want and them lowly subs do as we tell them!"
Sigh.... Really?
Where do I begin? At the beginning I guess.
There's more but the point is this, no one wins when this shit happens. The subs certainly are not happy, this is not what they signed up for. The doms, for the most part lose too, they scare off the subs and get nowhere. This then rebounds onto other doms, who may come across one of these confused, scared or traumatized subs and have to try to debrief and explain how wrong their experience had been.
A lot of this is ignorance or inexperience but there's also way too much predatory behavior, attempted poaching of subs who are happily doing their own thing. Just clicking around to find "female", "submissive" (or slave) then pounce on them with some aggressive dm ignoring everything else.
No one is your sub until they decide they are, you do not demand this and if you try you come off as a fool. Respect begets respect, start out by learning what being dominant is actually about and you'll soon see why this matters so much.
Lately another more insidious behavior has also come to my attention. In this scenario the dom looks for subs who are actively posting and attempts to create the impression that their behavior is in some way putting them at risk. The rhetoric intensifies as they attempt to instill fear while at the same time suggesting (or demanding) the sub should cease communicating with anyone else and become theirs. Most often the first tactic is to want to move discussion to another platform like kik or one of the chat platforms. Now while this is quite common and in most cases benign in this situation the accompanying instruction is to stop all interaction here.
This kind of possessive capture prevents the sub from being able to cross check on what's happening by discussing the situation with others.
Yep, in full on rant mode now.
Doms fail because, being angry, depressed or pissed off that you can't get a girl is NOT being a dom, it's being an asshole. Doms fail because thinking anyone with submissive in their profile means they will do whatever you say. Doms fail because watching bdsm porn is not educating yourself. Doms fail when they treat subs with no respect for their stated wants and needs. Doms fail because they are in too much of hurry and don't fucking read!!!
In short doms fail because they are not fucking doms at all.
You can put on the hat, you can tick the box, you can shout it from the rooftops, but if don't behave like a dom, if you don't understand the responsibility and mutual respect required then you're not one. Being a dom is not a way to let off steam and vent your anger, it requires a calm and clear head. The subs here are not targets, they are not your prey. They are people, real people with feelings and emotions and everyday problems. Most of the subs I know are tough, they can take stuff most people would run away from. They can be brave, putting themselves on display, nothing hidden, that takes real confidence and courage. They take pain, they take insults and being degraded, they take instructions, they want to please more than anything. They deserve respect.
Until you can understand that being submissive is not weakness, it's their strength you will continue to fail, this is why doms fail.
In the last few weeks I've had to intervene a half dozen times in situations where members here, all sub females have been harassed, blackmailed, put in awkward and distressing situations and generally not given the respect they are entitled to.
The culprits in most cases were doms acting like arrogant, entitled assholes. "But whats the problem?" I hear them squawk. "Doms are boss, we do what we want and them lowly subs do as we tell them!"
Sigh.... Really?
Where do I begin? At the beginning I guess.
- Problem one. When you sign up here you have to pick an orientation and it seems that some of the guys that pick Dominant think that means that's all it takes to become a dominant. Tick the box, put the hat on. Done.
- Problem two. Having trouble getting girls, not even getting to first base so spend lots of time watching porn and stumble across bdsm porn. What's this? Find a submissive, tie her up and choke the shit out of her, I can do that. Girl problem solved.
- Problem three. After lurking around Kink Talk for all of 11 seconds spots a post from a sub asking for ideas for tasks. "Oh cool, she doesn't need tasks, she needs me!" Fires off a dm totally ignoring the post, "Hey bitch, on ur knees and lick my toe jam, I own you!" Of course it's not usually that polite...
- Problem four. Even worse a submissive writes a deeply heartfelt post on an important topic, and (this one is male subs at fault as well) drops the response "whats ur kik?" or some variation on this dribble. That's exactly not the response she wants.
- Problem five. The passive aggressive dom targeting a sub who posts a lot with the "You need someone to protect you, I'll look after you, you know you really do need an owner right?" routine. Trying to terrify a sub that they must bow down to this predator.
- Problem six. Fuck, you're kidding me, there's more?
- Problem six still. Predatory jumping on brand new subs talking about rape or blackmail or other extreme non consensual themes. Newbies who do not know what they are saying or doing need guidance not you jumping on their ass then blackmailing them for real and scaring the living shit out them.
There's more but the point is this, no one wins when this shit happens. The subs certainly are not happy, this is not what they signed up for. The doms, for the most part lose too, they scare off the subs and get nowhere. This then rebounds onto other doms, who may come across one of these confused, scared or traumatized subs and have to try to debrief and explain how wrong their experience had been.
A lot of this is ignorance or inexperience but there's also way too much predatory behavior, attempted poaching of subs who are happily doing their own thing. Just clicking around to find "female", "submissive" (or slave) then pounce on them with some aggressive dm ignoring everything else.
No one is your sub until they decide they are, you do not demand this and if you try you come off as a fool. Respect begets respect, start out by learning what being dominant is actually about and you'll soon see why this matters so much.
Lately another more insidious behavior has also come to my attention. In this scenario the dom looks for subs who are actively posting and attempts to create the impression that their behavior is in some way putting them at risk. The rhetoric intensifies as they attempt to instill fear while at the same time suggesting (or demanding) the sub should cease communicating with anyone else and become theirs. Most often the first tactic is to want to move discussion to another platform like kik or one of the chat platforms. Now while this is quite common and in most cases benign in this situation the accompanying instruction is to stop all interaction here.
This kind of possessive capture prevents the sub from being able to cross check on what's happening by discussing the situation with others.
Yep, in full on rant mode now.
Doms fail because, being angry, depressed or pissed off that you can't get a girl is NOT being a dom, it's being an asshole. Doms fail because thinking anyone with submissive in their profile means they will do whatever you say. Doms fail because watching bdsm porn is not educating yourself. Doms fail when they treat subs with no respect for their stated wants and needs. Doms fail because they are in too much of hurry and don't fucking read!!!
In short doms fail because they are not fucking doms at all.
You can put on the hat, you can tick the box, you can shout it from the rooftops, but if don't behave like a dom, if you don't understand the responsibility and mutual respect required then you're not one. Being a dom is not a way to let off steam and vent your anger, it requires a calm and clear head. The subs here are not targets, they are not your prey. They are people, real people with feelings and emotions and everyday problems. Most of the subs I know are tough, they can take stuff most people would run away from. They can be brave, putting themselves on display, nothing hidden, that takes real confidence and courage. They take pain, they take insults and being degraded, they take instructions, they want to please more than anything. They deserve respect.
Until you can understand that being submissive is not weakness, it's their strength you will continue to fail, this is why doms fail.
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