1st Date discussion

[LadyGrace321]

Bare with me kinksters. This is a discussion worth talking about.
With all the ads floating around, I assume people are having online dates. I will not divulge my 1 and only online video/picture 'date' because I fucked up so badly, I'm ashamed of myself for falling prey to such *cough* bull shit.
Now, onto business.
What is going on during these meet ups online? Let's vent about the people that are out for money, celebrate the people that have found a connection. What was your 1st date like?

 

[WetFun101]

Post 50 Shares, there are so many faux submissives out there. They talk a good game until the first date arrives, when suddenly everything turns very vanilla and there is often an expectation of payment.

No understanding of FinDom/paypig, just an entitled demand for money. I miss the days when a submissive found pleasure and a sense of fulfiment through actually submitting.

So many first dates that sadly ended up coming to nothing.

 

[subzzzero]

Bare with me kinksters. This is a discussion worth talking about.
With all the ads floating around, I assume people are having online dates. I will not divulge my 1 and only online video/picture 'date' because I fucked up so badly, I'm ashamed of myself for falling prey to such *cough* bull shit.
Now, onto business.
What is going on during these meet ups online? Let's vent about the people that are out for money, celebrate the people that have found a connection. What was your 1st date like?

Have not dated online per se. But ran many a dynamic for kink and had play partners online. So if I’m off base for the dating part let me know and ill delete the word wall below.

The online scene is only as good as what each person is willing to do. meaning theres not really a way a dom can be dominant over you physically it all has to be mental.

number 1 problem with online play is if the submissive isnt in it to perform as if its real. if shes not taking it serious then the dom has no chance at all right?
example: you misbehaved and youre told to spank yourself with a belt. if you say no and dont care, what power of control does the dom really have?

so it follows most the same concept as regular life d/s meaning it should be primarily based around knowing each other well before startign into the sex part. but new aspects such as making time for each other to be avail online, text roleplay vs cam sex.

i have had both good an bad. some for over a year or two and they were very loyal devoted subgirls doing anythign asked or told taking my word for final and completing tasks punishments etc.

there are some however that see online as not real therefore will just disappear and not give you a notice thinking that since its online it doenst matter. those can be discouraging.

as far as why do people choose online? thats varies by each person. it should be asked what do "you" want to get out of it. all the other people dont matter it comes down to you and your dom who need to decide what is good bad etc. the range of control can be simple as a basic few times a week play sessions to total extreme control over dress, eating, bathroom habits etc

Are pics vids expected or required? That also goes to be unique to each pair and their limits. That’s something you’d agree on during negotiations prior to a dynamic agreement. You can also make it variable as you get more comfortable with the other person and allow more media shared.

I personally enjoy seeing the actions because I enjoy the raw emotional reaction most of all.


Anyways all that said. You have to invest mentally and have a connection just like in person if you want it to last. Rushed play focused half assing will be hot and fun and then die off once the NRE is gone.

 

[Naughty nova]

Weeding through the lazy one liners, pay for play, and fuck boys or girls can get tiresome. But getting to know someone and learning there likes dislikes and getting to the trusting is so worth it when you make that connection. Not every connection is right away. Some you truly have to work harder on. As a sub it takes a lot of trust to hand over control and that doesn't always happen right away. And to be honest that first date can be really intimidating. The things that can slow it down or even make it stop are numerous. For me i am constantly wondering did I do it right , am I good enough, am I to fat or to skinny for them, did react correctly. Anxiety and feer of rejection can hinder a first date. I'm sure as a Dom you have had thoughts like that. I'm not saying that's what happens all the time. There are definitely good and bad sub and doms who just want money or are all talk or it's more about the build up before bit no real action.

 

[subzzzero]

yeah sub mentions money and it’s an auto stop. We’re done and no further discussion. Sugar spoiling etc. nope. Bye bye.

 

[Naughty nova]

yeah sub mentions money and it’s an auto stop. We’re done and no further discussion. Sugar spoiling etc. nope. Bye bye.

Yeah. I'm not paying to play. I have had dome ask me to look into certain toys if I can afford it i don't have a problem with that but I'm not paying you for anything

 

[WetFun101]

Weeding through the lazy one liners, pay for play, and fuck boys or girls can get tiresome. But getting to know someone and learning there likes dislikes and getting to the trusting is so worth it when you make that connection. Not every connection is right away. Some you truly have to work harder on. As a sub it takes a lot of trust to hand over control and that doesn't always happen right away. And to be honest that first date can be really intimidating. The things that can slow it down or even make it stop are numerous. For me i am constantly wondering did I do it right , am I good enough, am I to fat or to skinny for them, did react correctly. Anxiety and feer of rejection can hinder a first date. I'm sure as a Dom you have had thoughts like that. I'm not saying that's what happens all the time. There are definitely good and bad sub and doms who just want money or are all talk or it's more about the build up before bit no real action.

A good Dom, a true Dom, absolutely thinks about these things and has those considerations. It is about finding the right bond, a safe space where you can both be who you are without judgement.

A good Dom will also tell you when you are doing it right!

 

[Naughty nova]

A good Dom, a true Dom, absolutely thinks about these things and has those considerations. It is about finding the right bond, a safe space where you can both be who you are without judgement.

A good Dom will also tell you when you are doing it right!

Yeah but it's still scary that first few times. At least for me it was the thought of disappointing them it penalizing sometimea

 

[WetFun101]

Yeah but it's still scary that first few times. At least for me it was the thought of disappointing them it penalizing sometimea

Of course. It take a great leap from both sides to pursue what you really want - what you need. And boundaries have to be built together and respected.

Clear communication is vital. Its the backbone of kink. And a good Dom will allay fears while building confidence. Yes, some want humiliation and punishment, but these things are best when built up to and explored knowing the boundaries

 

[Naughty nova]

Of course. It take a great leap from both sides to pursue what you really want - what you need. And boundaries have to be built together and respected.

Clear communication is vital. Its the backbone of kink. And a good Dom will allay fears while building confidence. Yes, some want humiliation and punishment, but these things are best when built up to and explored knowing the boundaries

I agree. It took a while for me to try degradation and humiliation with Daddy he was patient with me and never pushed for it. I knew it was some of his favorite but it was a limit of mine. But once I got comfortable I tried it with him knowing if it was to much je would stop immediately. And I found out that I like it with him. So trust definitely has to be worked on cause once you break that it's all over

 

[Gengis]

My first online (kinky) date was... yeeeeeeeeeeeears ago, when internet was still wild, through mIRC, it was an application that allowed you to access whatever platform and chat u wanted to, all in one app, without opening netscape!!!!!!!!!! oh lord, netscape.... xD you probably know that browser as Firefox
It was also full of hackers and it was easier to be hacked than today, in terms security holes and people being careless as fuck.



Here u can see in columns: Left to right: Main domain: IRC Hispano, and since it was sooooo fucking long ago, most of people whould be from Spain because Latam people had close to 0 presence on the internet.
Second column is the chat list ordered by population. Sex and Madrid were the most paopular.
HAHAHAHA i couldnt read right... but the 4th most populated was "cornudos" means cuckold.
I explain this, cause for starters, it wasnt even an appealing experience to deal with that app. The browser was "prettier" but wonkier.

oh i forgot, my first kinky bdsm date... HA! obiously was a dissaster, i didnt know shit... "she" and im pretty sure i could have been talking to another dude, ghosted me after the game. What we did? I think it was mainly orgasm control, we played for a few days and never met again.

pictures? yes, neck to knees, naked female thin body, probably fake, with 3megapixel crappy resollution and 1.5Mb download 0.5 Mb upload internet speeds, that took at least 10minutes to download... cause 1.5 was the maximum speed if planets were aligned.

 

[subzzzero]

My first online (kinky) date was... yeeeeeeeeeeeears ago, when internet was still wild, through mIRC, it was an application that allowed you to access whatever platform and chat u wanted to, all in one app, without opening netscape!!!!!!!!!! oh lord, netscape.... xD you probably know that browser as Firefox
It was also full of hackers and it was easier to be hacked than today, in terms security holes and people being careless as fuck.

View attachment 121460

Here u can see in columns: Left to right: Main domain: IRC Hispano, and since it was sooooo fucking long ago, most of people whould be from Spain because Latam people had close to 0 presence on the internet.
Second column is the chat list ordered by population. Sex and Madrid were the most paopular.
HAHAHAHA i couldnt read right... but the 4th most populated was "cornudos" means cuckold.
I explain this, cause for starters, it wasnt even an appealing experience to deal with that app. The browser was "prettier" but wonkier.

oh i forgot, my first kinky bdsm date... HA! obiously was a dissaster, i didnt know shit... "she" and im pretty sure i could have been talking to another dude, ghosted me after the game. What we did? I think it was mainly orgasm control, we played for a few days and never met again.

pictures? yes, neck to knees, naked female thin body, probably fake, with 3megapixel crappy resollution and 1.5Mb download 0.5 Mb upload internet speeds, that took at least 10minutes to download... cause 1.5 was the maximum speed if planets were aligned.

Holy shit IRC. That’s flashback to the times. Good times. Lol

 

[Gengis]

Yeah, everything was.... brighter! xD

 

[Devildom1994]

Let me weigh in on my experience here.
I have found a few beautiful people online to whom I'm still connected, including my beautiful sub.

With almost all those people, it started as a quick fling. Something really casual which grew into something really sweet and special. It started with sessions or a small period thing where we exchange tasks and dares which later gave way to rules and protocols. One thing common in all of these good connections were strong communication, mutual respect and understanding of how power exchange works online. Like @subzzzero pointed out, for a d/s to work online, it requires a particular level of seriousness from the submissive. The indifferent behaviour can easily make things lose the spark. Similarly the dominant has to understand the importance and the power of submission. To make it more clear, in real life, you can exert dominance over the other (consensually ) with your tone, look or small actions like a strong grip. While online, these gives minimal effect as it's in texts. Even if it's by voice or video, the results and impacts won't be the same. I feel so happy and proud to point out that all the people with whom I've connected well knew how to make it work online.

Coming to other spectrum of online d/s. The scammers, pay per play people, all of them who wants a virtual quick fuck and the worst of all, those who doesn't understand what bdsm is. While I am no one to judge their taste and needs, it is necessary to mention the negative image this creates about bdsm. I've talked to submissives who thought limits are for the dom to break because they were "groomed" that way. While I feel sorry to hear about such experiences, it is very important to create a space where people can know what is right and what is safe.
Hopefully this site, like many other platforms, helps people to know and learn about BDSM and paves way for many beautiful people to make even more beautiful experiences.




Devil

 

[subzzzero]

I've talked to submissives who thought limits are for the dom to break because they were "groomed" that way.

All too common. The amount of misinformation new subs can obtain just by linking up with a fake Dom is unreal.

 

[Devildom1994]

Indeed. So is the frequency of this happening.

 

[Madman]

Now I know I'm not the best online so I'll keep this short


Timezones you may not believe it but these can affect a first date say your gmt is +12/+13 (like mine) and your on a date with someone that has a timezones difference of let's say 5 hours one of you will need bed before the other so it would play havic (sorry made more sense in my head)

 

[Naughty nova]

Now I know I'm not the best online so I'll keep this short


Timezones you may not believe it but these can affect a first date say your gmt is +12/+13 (like mine) and your on a date with someone that has a timezones difference of let's say 5 hours one of you will need bed before the other so it would play havic (sorry made more sense in my head)

It definitely makes sense have had this issue. It's not always easy with different times zones.
Have had to set alarm way early before or stay up way late to make thinks work

 

[LadyGrace321]

@Madman , your absolutely correct! It does suck with that kind of time difference.

 

[Madman]

There are some people that can make it work @LadyGrace321 and yes @Naughty nova it is a pain case and point it's 313pm Thursday now