This will probably be all over the place, sooo, my wife used to have a high sex drive. Served herself 9 times in one day she told me once (before we were married);. But she has post natal depression after having two kids 1.5 years apart. The meds seem have killed her sex drive. I hate using condoms (long time off them starting a family? so when we do get close and I put on the condom I loose some of my arousel. Anyway I love going down on her and never just give her one. But I always have to initiate it. So we do have infrequent oral fun. I work from home so when I'm alone I'd usually fire one out, assuming we won't end up getting kinky. She hates that I'd put on porn as she doesnt like the thought of me cuming to someone else, and would always tell me "no wanking" while she's away. HALF joking. She is pretty cool and made me somensexy videos but while I'm not bored of them and I like the constant variety, but a can't ask her to keep fresh ones coming. HOWEVER, we are very open and don't lie if we're asked something. But watching porn made me feel a bit guilty. Only to find out she watched porn! I asked her what and stuff like just close ups of guys using toys and coming. The hypocrisy hurt and so specific a type. So I decided I'd make her a video( felt weird). But she has only watched it twice in 2-3 months. Again this making me feel a bit hurt. I'll be getting a vasectomy soon but... I really don't know what question I'm asking. Maybe just letting it out and sorry if it's too long. And thanks for those who do read it
Advise amd Masturbation
- Thread starter Keith6
- Start date
It's common for women to lose interest in sex after child birth, especially if they've suffered post natal depression, those hormones and the physical changes pregnancy and childbirth make to her body leave a lasting change in her mindset.
It's common as well for father's to miss the active sex life they once had. Add to this the fact that you're both likely aging and so the body isn't always as physically willing as the mind...
As in so many things, the key is communication. She's not going to be in the mood for love making if she's spent all day running after kids, sorting houses, worrying about schooling, childcare, work etc if she's feeling like you're another job she has to do (and with the best will in the world and handling as much of the stuff as you can as a father, you can still feel to her like a job she has to do...)
Probably she likes to watch the porn because it's a rare opportunity for her to be on her own and focus on herself and her own needs and it's a one way interaction where she doesn't need to worry if she's entertaining anyone else?
In any case, you need to communicate with her and let her know you love her and are in love with her, not just wanting her sexually. It may be that she feels she needs more help to be comfortable with you to get into a mindset for sexy time, or she might be overwhelmed or still suffering from the PND, in which case some counselling may be in order...
This is far from comprehensive advice, but hopefully will be a conversation starter for some other, more emotionally intelligent people, to give you a better insight
It's common as well for father's to miss the active sex life they once had. Add to this the fact that you're both likely aging and so the body isn't always as physically willing as the mind...
As in so many things, the key is communication. She's not going to be in the mood for love making if she's spent all day running after kids, sorting houses, worrying about schooling, childcare, work etc if she's feeling like you're another job she has to do (and with the best will in the world and handling as much of the stuff as you can as a father, you can still feel to her like a job she has to do...)
Probably she likes to watch the porn because it's a rare opportunity for her to be on her own and focus on herself and her own needs and it's a one way interaction where she doesn't need to worry if she's entertaining anyone else?
In any case, you need to communicate with her and let her know you love her and are in love with her, not just wanting her sexually. It may be that she feels she needs more help to be comfortable with you to get into a mindset for sexy time, or she might be overwhelmed or still suffering from the PND, in which case some counselling may be in order...
This is far from comprehensive advice, but hopefully will be a conversation starter for some other, more emotionally intelligent people, to give you a better insight
