Consensual non consent.

[Hamhead]

Hello, I’m new!
So myself and my long term boyfriend have a really healthy sex life, we use toys, I call him daddy during sex (we both really like that) and we have quite a few outfits he likes me to wear (lingerie, stockings, thigh high stilettos etc)

anyway, we’ve recently been exploring more kinky stuff, I’ve just purchased a latex skirt, latex gloves and a paddle so I can lay over his knee... you get my drift.
But I came across something online I’m keen to explore with him.
Consensual non-consent.

I like the idea of being forced to do whatever he wishes, even if I protest. I’m not talking about him fancying a quickie and me saying no I’ve got a headache, more like me coming home and him literally grabbing me, throwing me around and pinning me down despite protests,

I’m wondering if anyone could give me some advice into this? Do we still have safe words? What if it gets too much? Do we set limits beforehand?

Thanks for reading!

 

[poetrylover828]

Yes always have a safe word ready. The safe word is for if it gets to too much.

I haven’t done a lot of CNC myself, but I would definitely talk with my partner. If you feel like you could handle them doing anything and not setting limits then that’s up to you. Just make sure you trust them to hear your safe word and follow through on using it. Personally my hard limits would still be limits during any type of play and I would use my safe word if they broke a limit.

 

[Stretch24]

I do believe that yes a safe word would still have to be established and yes talk to them make sure you guys set limits before hands of how far he can go before it is too much cuz you do not want to permanently hurt yourself or do any sort of permanent damage this coming from subs point of view I like to be for lack of a better term treated like a w**** sometimes also but me and my mistress have talked about this for a very long time ago and she knows that there are still certain times when if it becomes too much for me I say safe word we have second place and she will back off this is all things that you would discuss with your partner before proceeding and giving him the consent to do whatever he wants whenever he wants I believe that's dynamic what you need and relationship communication is very key it would still give him a very large amount of options to do to you but also with your safety in mind.but I would be curious to at least see how it turns out if you do decide to go down that route it's something I know very little about

 

[subzzzero]

I have done several CnC scenes. A few things to consider:
1. Yes as mentioned above have an all stop safeword. Pick some random one thats sure to shock him so hes all stop. Youll want to be able to scream "no" a lot to feed the scene and he needs to know thats not to be regarded. So pick a real good safeword.
2. Set out a basic plan for the scene so that you know the general idea what to expect but still leaving him creative freedom to spice it up.
3. If you have any prior sex abuse history or trauma from prior forced sex experiences it is best to start out very very tame and talk and work your way up to a big scene. Irreparable damage mentally emotionally can occur if you rush it. Surprise triggers can ruin a good time and cause lasting effects.
4. Set boundaries just like any other scene.
5. Test out smaller portions or acts of a larger scene the grabbing the manhandling etc just to get the feel so he and you are better in the moment.

Based on personal experience the surprise factor really helps this play out. So a prior sub and myself would set times of the day each day that was open for it to happen. It was up to me to pick a day or multiple days. Her not knowing was what kept her heart racing. She would walk in looking around and as i came up to her she'd tense thinking it was the day. Id brush my hands lightly over her and continue along making her wait and stew in her own desire. When she was finally not expecting it i would launch the "atttack".

Just make sure you both know the limits of verbal and physical for each. Dirty talking and threats and degrading in process definitely made her more excited. but one wrong call to intelligence weight etc could ruin it all depending on how secure you both are and what level of it all you enjoy. you beggin him to stop and acting the part of the woman in distress will help as well as him verbally telling you he does what he wants and this is his etc.

 

[Stretch24]

I must say Everytime subzzzero comments I like it. He is very knowledgeable and seems experienced in the lifestyle. Just wanted to say that. I'm in agreement with him

 

[Humili8edDiaperGirl]

Here are my 2 cents to throw in with everyone's already good advice.

Communication! Communication! Communication!

I can't stress enough about how important communication is before and after you do any type of CNC play. In this type of situation there is no such thing as too much communication. Trust me.

I have a CNC relationship with my owner. We had explored, played, and talked for about 10 years before becoming my owner and entering into the CNC relationship. He has owned me for 4 years now and we still talk about things regularly.

 

[Hamhead]

I have done several CnC scenes. A few things to consider:
1. Yes as mentioned above have an all stop safeword. Pick some random one thats sure to shock him so hes all stop. Youll want to be able to scream "no" a lot to feed the scene and he needs to know thats not to be regarded. So pick a real good safeword.
2. Set out a basic plan for the scene so that you know the general idea what to expect but still leaving him creative freedom to spice it up.
3. If you have any prior sex abuse history or trauma from prior forced sex experiences it is best to start out very very tame and talk and work your way up to a big scene. Irreparable damage mentally emotionally can occur if you rush it. Surprise triggers can ruin a good time and cause lasting effects.
4. Set boundaries just like any other scene.
5. Test out smaller portions or acts of a larger scene the grabbing the manhandling etc just to get the feel so he and you are better in the moment.

Based on personal experience the surprise factor really helps this play out. So a prior sub and myself would set times of the day each day that was open for it to happen. It was up to me to pick a day or multiple days. Her not knowing was what kept her heart racing. She would walk in looking around and as i came up to her she'd tense thinking it was the day. Id brush my hands lightly over her and continue along making her wait and stew in her own desire. When she was finally not expecting it i would launch the "atttack".

Just make sure you both know the limits of verbal and physical for each. Dirty talking and threats and degrading in process definitely made her more excited. but one wrong call to intelligence weight etc could ruin it all depending on how secure you both are and what level of it all you enjoy. you beggin him to stop and acting the part of the woman in distress will help as well as him verbally telling you he does what he wants and this is his etc.

Thank you so much for your concise reply. I want to play safely but properly. So your advice has given me lots of pointers to work with.
Thank you again it’s much appreciated

 

[kaylessa]

If you like, please keep us updated on your progress, especially on the obstacles you find and how to circumvent them. It can help others in their process.

 

[Hamhead]

If you like, please keep us updated on your progress, especially on the obstacles you find and how to circumvent them. It can help others in their process.

Good morning, as far as progress, we’ve had some discussions about my limits. My absolute no-nos are anal penetration with his penis (toys are allowed because we are working up to the real thing) and no drawing blood.
He’s more than happy with those.

We’ve also spoken of a safe word, which will be pineapple. He is aware that if I say this, he has to stop whatever he is doing.

I will keep updating this thread regularly.

thank you!

 

[kaylessa]

We’ve also spoken of a safe word, which will be pineapple. He is aware that if I say this, he has to stop whatever he is doing.

Just a short side node on safewords: It's not just a stop word. When a session ends, aftercare is pretty important - and in case the session stopped prematurely it's even more so. The sub will often be in a very vulnerable and emotional state of mind and it's the Dom who has to care. After all the Dom is responsible for the sub and for their well being.

When I had my very first spanking, the Domme was very cruel to me. I endured cane, crop, and whip. My ass and thighs burned like fire. While it's still the session I remember most and unfortunately never had again in that intensity, I was crushed. I crawled to the Domme, put my head into her lap and without words she started to pet my head. It meant the world to me, I felt save. She was very unexperienced, just like me, but she did everything right. It was the best session I ever had.

 

[XXSteveDom]

Good morning, as far as progress, we’ve had some discussions about my limits. My absolute no-nos are anal penetration with his penis (toys are allowed because we are working up to the real thing) and no drawing blood.
He’s more than happy with those.

We’ve also spoken of a safe word, which will be pineapple. He is aware that if I say this, he has to stop whatever he is doing.

I will keep updating this thread regularly.

thank you!

With regards to a safe word, as someone has said use a random one, but also one that you won't forget in the heat of the moment, if you are really deep into the last thing you want when you need to stop is to be struggling to remember what your safe word was

 

[Hamhead]

***UPDATE***
So last night was our date night (kinky night) and we went for it!

didn’t go totally as I planned it in my head, but every order he made, I complied. If I didn’t, he took me over his knee and spanked me.
He pushed my limits but did keep telling me that if I needed the safe word to use it, which I didn’t feel the need to use, because I was happy to go out of my comfort zone.

overall, we had lots of fun, toys, latex clothing, lube and Im aching today... haha.

Pointers for next time: we’ve agreed for him to literally grab me and go for it, I don’t know when that is coming so I’m constantly waiting

 

[subzzzero]

Sounds like yall had a nice little warm up session. Based on what you mention of him constantly reminding you that you had a safeword, it seems like you need to explain to him that youre seeking the harder things willfully. Maybe even give him some feedback/examples as to the more extremes you like so that he has a general idea. Him constantly asking is going to take away from the moment for sure and he needs to trust that 1. you want it, and 2. that you will safeword if needed. He is holding back and asking you repeatedly because things you were doing was not comfortable to him. If you two can clear that portion up i think you see you enjoy it even that much more. Those we care about sometimes find it difficult to cause pain or to degrade due to the connection we have. Clear open honest communication is the best approach. Look at it as preplanning for next time.

Either way glad to see you two got some fun times in and had a good session. Make sure he gets support after, just as you do. He may be needing that reassurance you enjoyed it all with it being things outside of yalls comfort zone. He needs to know you wanted it, loved it, and want more. And that you appreciate him pushing himself just as well.