Ddlg How to know who are real daddy doms and who are fake?

[Vampiric_Lust]

Hi, I am a submissive, masochist and little. I wanted to know what are some red flags for fake daddy doms or narcissistic/passive aggressive, possessive/obsessive, abusive daddy doms/doms in general?a
I have had a few online long distance relationships that were ddlg and they failed, I feel like I have been rejected a lot due to lack of experience with sex (sexually repressed/frustrated and have been molested) and lack of experience with real life kink due to never having a boyfriend except online. I feel like men use my issues (daddy issues, issues with men and sex in general) as an excuse to not have a relationship with me, to reject me also be because I am depressed, sometimes suicidal, anxious and rarely have panic attacks, but going to try to get a diagnosis for depression. I have a history of self harm as well (self harm in the form of not eating enough, eating too much, excessive exercise, cutting my wrists) I know it is a lot for people to deal with, but I never cut myself for attention, although a minority of people do which makes people like me look bad. I'm trying to change, because I want to be happy, loved, respected.
Men that I have had a online relationship with have acted hot, cold, emotionally distant then indifferent towards me but claim that they love me, care about me and want to be my boyfriend, or have a relationship with me. at the same time.

 

[camaikun]

It's possible that some of the men you've had relationships with in the past also suffered from similar issues but didn't bring them to light. Online relationships are nearly always harder than real life ones, especially if there's a lack of communication. A lot of people will definitely struggle to deal with someone who has as much emotional baggage as you do and won't understand or won't have the empathy/ compassion to want to understand you as a person.

Any dom who immediately assumes the position of a dom, talks to you as if you are already their sub or little etc. are either fake doms or people who think that that is what it means to be a dom or daddy dom. Finding out if someone is a real daddy dom is going to be hard as someone could say that they will care a lot for you, but it might then turn out that they never had the capacity to do so in the first place.
Abusive doms in general will usually try to skip past getting to know you and go straight for what they want out of a relationship. A true daddy dom will want the best for you and hold you in top priority.
Generally speaking, anyone with a picture of their dick as a profile picture isn't worth talking to, but I'm sure there are exceptions.

 

[subzzzero]

first off general side note to clarify... "real" is a subjective term here and so each person is unique to their own wants desires and preferences. Ill answer in a general basics type style here.

lots of guys are here for an easy fap session so be cautious here are some red flags to clue you in:
-immediate friend requests with no convo or detailed messages.
-demanding you submit to them
-requesting or demanding pics
-automatically assuming you're under their ownership and treating you as such
-requesting personal info
-using titles such as "hey slut your daddys now" etc.
-those not willing to put time in to getting to know you,
most are just seeking a naive girl they hope to scoop up use and discard.
youll be able to see patterns as your inbox floods. the block button will be your best friend.
-they shouldnt be telling you they care for you as you mention in your post. they should be showing you by their daily actions. If they say one thing and their actions show cold and distant then they truely dont care and are just playing head games to keep you on tap when they want to play.

i believe in lots of room for open communication exploring and questions. I prefer to get to know a submissive and discuss likes, dislikes, curiosities, and limits. Not just rushing into assigning tasks with no regards for understanding the submissive. As we progressed if either felt it just wasn't working out then I'm mature enough to understand and have no issue with stopping. I wouldn't be upset or hold it against the sub or lash out immaturely. Some guys get very vicious and negative if you decide you're not a fit. They will say you're not a real sub or that you're just not experienced. Those guys are frauds and i don't tolerate them.

Lots of doms on here are unaware that a dom role is just as much a protector as a dom. They should be there for their sub when she needs them, emotionally, mentally, and physically. ask them how they will help you as a submissive, what can they do for you.

when they say they have "lots of experience" or "years in the life" ask them to specify. get details. anyone can blow smoke and paint a broad description. the answer is in the details. claiming to have exp in the lifestyle for some just means they looked at sites like here or they like rough porn. or played in some kik groups. you want one who had mentors did the research and has the proof he deserves your submission. dont settle thinking you have to . get what you want. negotiate and set expectations etc. You have all those same rights as the dom wanting to scoop you up. just cuz youre a sub doesnt mean youre everyone' s sub.

if you want good examples of how to spot fakes i have posted several times outing fakes here just scroll back through the prior posts on my profile lol.

 

[Vampiric_Lust]

I am naive, sweet, innocent and men have been abusive to me in various ways, my dad hasn't been in my life but that isn't why I like kink/bdsm. I do have a lack of experience with dating in general and sex, never had kinky sex since I have never had a boyfriend except men online.
Are men just taking advantage of me because I am a sensitive person?

 

[subzzzero]

quite possibly yes. this life is full of manipulators and predators unfortunately. tread carefully and trust your gut. there are times you just have to say no or just block someone or just ignore them.

 

[Vampiric_Lust]

Okay I understand. Not sure how I would gain experience with kink if no one will ever commit to me though :/

 

[VirtDom]

It is most of the time not easy to spot a fake right away. Even with years experience on online platforms. Never mind how trustworthy the platform seems or claims to be, there are always pretenders. But still there are honest and good people out there as well.
Take your time to find people to might want to get closer and, as subzzzero already said, keep an eye on the list of hints during your communication. Let it build slowly and never be afraid to use a 'no'. Someone really interested will understand and let you down on this.

I know, talking of patience is easier than to keep it. Since you are very interested in kinks/fetishes and are, as you call yourself, naive, it will be difficult sometimes not to go down into a contact too quick. Experience with communicating and testing the other one will come over time. Just don't rush yourself to end up with another wrong one again.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Single biggest tip is don't be in a hurry, you've obviously been waiting a long time a little more is going to be well worth it.
Take plenty of time to read all the relevant threads you can find here, try messaging other subs to ask their advice about anyone you are considering approaching as a dom. There are more and more female subs here that have been verified (its the title under their name) so you can trust you are actually chatting to another girl!
Ignore anyone who demands you respond to them or tries to "claim" you, if they persist block them and report them too.

You will find quite a few discussions about fakes and how to spot them here which will help give you some perspective on things but as I said at the start, take your time, ask lots of questions (as you have been already) and things will begin to make sense more.

 

[shadowice0823]

I completly agree dont be in a hurry just take your time and find the right one. I have waited months between sub and jumping right into things rarely pays off you end up getting ghosted or just being used for a quick play session etc. if they are right and like you they will wait around