Difference between Dominating and Domineering

[nina]

According to Collins Dictionary, a dominating person has a very strong personality and influences the people around them whereas a domineering person tries to control other people without any consideration for their feelings or opinions.

In the world of BDSM, I have often noticed wannabe's try to domineer and boss around people thinking that to be synonymous to being a dominant. I also found this article which explains the difference between the two personality types.

I would like to hear the thoughts of fellow kinktalkers on this topic. Do you agree that there is a difference? How do you differentiate between the two terms? How to know when someone is domineering and not dominating?

 

[Doctor Pervert]

This happens all the time, I see it way too often.
It comes down to a basic principle that is very misunderstood and that is respect.
Many seem to think respect is something that comes automatically by tacking on a title (like Dom) or putting on a uniform whereas true respect is earned through demonstration of character.
For instance most most people do not respect police, they simply obey them through fear of getting into trouble yet you will hear the phrase "respect for the law" all the time.
This domineering effect emerges a lot in pseudo law enforcers such as security guards, they act like they should be respected when in reality most people treat them with contempt and derision. Being domineering is part of being a bully and most people can smell it a mile away.
Real respect is reserved for those who show leadership and strength of judgment, they do not shout, they do not demand, they are simply in control. Submissives will follow a true Dominant because they trust and want to please them, not out of fear.
True Dominants are respected.

 

[nina]

Real respect is reserved for those who show leadership and strength of judgment, they do not shout, they do not demand, they are simply in control.

Spot on.. also the domineering types often seem to reek of ignorance and lack of self awareness not realising they are being percieved as stupid rather than someone who is knowledgeable, in control and dominant and because their definition of "Dominance" is often a closed ecosystem where listening and learning is a form a subjugation, they continue to disregard feedback and constructive criticism, and therein goes on their vicious circle of domineering where they keep shouting unaware that they aren't worth listening!

 

[MissKubo]

Trying to explain to boyfriends I've had what I wanted from a relationship, and so many times they just didn't get it. Some wanted to be "gentlemen" and just not engage in that sort of thing at all, or else they'd go all in with the domineering "you said you wanted it so you'll do what I say".

Aaaaand I'm not horny anymore. Bye.

It really is so important for somebody who wants to be dominant to understand the responsibility of being dominant, and the right way to inspire your sub.

When my husband and I found out we had a shared interest before we began dating, and then he introduced me to a couple that did D/s guidance sessions after we got together, I think I realized then that this was the guy I want to marry.

You need to be open and willing to listen to the submissives and to experienced dominants and ask real questions of your sub and yourself of whether you really are capable of sustaining a relationship that is so entirely dependent on trust

 

[Notherguy]

So many doms and subs should read this you guys are right on the money. I've heard the same kind of things from most of the subs I've talked to about the other doms they talked to. Trust is so important. There are alot of domineering doms out there I always just called them fake doms or bad doms. Things like that can hurt a sub in the wrong way or turn them off the whole thing.

 

[andrei]

I played along the site collarspace.
There you can find a lot of wannabes all having the same thing in common.

If we are to exclude the gold diggers:

"I don't want a switch but a slave." "Subs are fakes". "A slave cannot be friend with a dom". Everything said before a simply chat to gain a minimum trust.

So if you feel just a little you don't trust the person on the other end then just don't trust.

 

[Soul_Dominance]

Domination is not about owning. It’s about learning and respecting sub. There is too much misconception that if sub submits toa Dom means that a Dom owns her as a property. Well NOT TRUE!

It’s about respecting. Respecting a sub as a person, their needs, their limits!! Dom is a guide, a teacher who provide safe space fir them to explore, grow and in return a sub chooses to trust and submit to Dom.

if Dom thinks that they can own the sub/slave without adhering to their feeling, I would call them wannabe Dom or wannabe subs, who have seen lot of internet porn!! Lol hollow!

there you go!!

 

[FadedxDharma]

This is a great question, for here but it relates really well on the outside as well. As stated, you see it in law enforcement all the time.

I also see it in the work place as well. Managers and supervisors that are domineering, which simply translates into bullies. The type that general workers hate being under and have zero respect for. Morale is always bottomed out, productivity is low and turnover is usually pretty high.

Then there are the true leaders. Doms that can take control but, also nurture those that are under them. They can control but, inspire and lift up those around then. It's almost always the opposite as above. High morale, productivity is usually up and they create a very loyal following.