Do you need punishment, or just enjoy pain?

[Doctor Pervert]

Lately the number of posts coming up requesting punishments seems to be growing fast, I'm not sure if this a copycat thing, i.e. people see examples here and assume that's how it's done or if there is some other reason.

So I want to look at what's really going on here, do you really want to be punished or is that just a pretext for being given tasks that are painful because you simply enjoy pain?
Wait, what, who enjoys pain? A masochist enjoys pain, if that's you you're the M in BDSM and us folk that like to supply that pain are the S, the sadists.

Now while there probably are people who feel the need to be punished for various things you do need to be careful about crossing over between kinky play and life situations. Being behind on chores, course work or any major life activity is something better dealt with outside of the kink play arena. It's not something you can apply easily and all the time so leaning on it is just not a good idea.

If on the other hand you really like playing games that involve pain and don't know how to ask for it then here's some tips.

• Enjoying pain is quite common and nothing to be ashamed of
• Identify yourself as a masochist in your kinks or likes
• Masochists still have limits, indicate what type of pain you want and where you like it
• If you're experienced in self play include what you do to help the sadists fit your needs
• Get a clear understanding of what you consider painful, everyone is different
• Never accept and try a task you if you are unsure of the safety

Punishment has a place in BDSM for sure, failing to complete a kinky task or doing it incorrectly would be a couple of examples and this is fine if that's the nature of your relationship with your Dom. You could also apply punishments to self assigned tasks such as edging or denial and again that's totally appropriate if that's your thing. But even here the water gets a little muddy. If you're a masochist and enjoy being punished, is it actually punishment anyway?
Well, no. It's just an extension of your kinky play, another aspect you enjoy.

Which brings us back to the start, if you enjoy pain then why would want to get some kind of kinky punishment to fix an actual life problem? And so I wonder just how often these posts are just shy masochists making up an excuse to be punished because saying they like pain just seems weird?

If this rings true for you then it's time to embrace your inner masochist, stand up and proudly proclaim, I like pain!

 

[subdream]

I do agree with you on a general basis, that pain to a masochist should not be called punishment. Or with other words:
A sadist and a masochist meet. Masochist: "Please, give me some pain." Sadist: "No."

That said I can envision people to have a roleplay kink connected with masochism. They might like to pretend to dislike pain as a certain roleplay, while enjoying it later on.

And then there's my own experience. I do like pain while I also dislike pain. While both, an orgasm and pain give me satisfaction, an orgasm does so by giving me pleasure and pain does so by giving me the feeling of achievement. That means from my perspective pain is Schrödinger's punishment.

You probably know "subspace" and I would assert that there's also "masospace". When I'm in masospace, pain is giving me some kind of pleasure while in any other case it is a valid punishment. Which reminds me of the other discussion about changing kinks. I just realized that my kinks change drastically depending on if I'm in a masochistic mood or not. I will have to think about that a bit longer.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

When I'm in masospace, pain is giving me some kind of pleasure while in any other case it is a valid punishment.

This is really moving on to slightly different aspect of the discussion and totally valid.

There is also the discussion on different types of pain, some people love stingy pain but hate thudy pain for instance and so that could be used as an actual punishment.

Want I wanted to address here was aimed more at the newbie who just hasn't encountered the concept of pain as pleasure and the way the two coexist and interact. And more especially the use of kinky punishments to address life issues which as I mentioned is really not a sound concept.

I guess my main point is for a new masochist you don't need a reason to be punished if you want some pain, you just have to ask for painful ideas. It's a totally acceptable and normal part of the kink world.

 

[subdream]

I guess my main point is for a new masochist you don't need a reason to be punished if you want some pain, you just have to ask for painful ideas. It's a totally acceptable and normal part of the kink world.

100% agree. If it exists, there is a kink for it. And no kink is bad, as long as it's consensual.

Also sorry for having derailed your thread.

 

[subzzzero]

Lately the number of posts coming up requesting punishments seems to be growing fast, I'm not sure if this a copycat thing, i.e. people see examples here and assume that's how it's done or if there is some other reason.

So I want to look at what's really going on here, do you really want to be punished or is that just a pretext for being given tasks that are painful because you simply enjoy pain?
Wait, what, who enjoys pain? A masochist enjoys pain, if that's you you're the M in BDSM and us folk that like to supply that pain are the S, the sadists.

Now while there probably are people who feel the need to be punished for various things you do need to be careful about crossing over between kinky play and life situations. Being behind on chores, course work or any major life activity is something better dealt with outside of the kink play arena. It's not something you can apply easily and all the time so leaning on it is just not a good idea.

If on the other hand you really like playing games that involve pain and don't know how to ask for it then here's some tips.

• Enjoying pain is quite common and nothing to be ashamed of
• Identify yourself as a masochist in your kinks or likes
• Masochists still have limits, indicate what type of pain you want and where you like it
• If you're experienced in self play include what you do to help the sadists fit your needs
• Get a clear understanding of what you consider painful, everyone is different
• Never accept and try a task you if you are unsure of the safety

Punishment has a place in BDSM for sure, failing to complete a kinky task or doing it incorrectly would be a couple of examples and this is fine if that's the nature of your relationship with your Dom. You could also apply punishments to self assigned tasks such as edging or denial and again that's totally appropriate if that's your thing. But even here the water gets a little muddy. If you're a masochist and enjoy being punished, is it actually punishment anyway?
Well, no. It's just an extension of your kinky play, another aspect you enjoy.

Which brings us back to the start, if you enjoy pain then why would want to get some kind of kinky punishment to fix an actual life problem? And so I wonder just how often these posts are just shy masochists making up an excuse to be punished because saying they like pain just seems weird?

If this rings true for you then it's time to embrace your inner masochist, stand up and proudly proclaim, I like pain!

I’ve asked this question for years and years in kik and telegram kink groups.
This whole “punishment” thing.

First punishing:
So I think for me I don’t approach it as punishing but more of consequences to your actions. My goal is to correct an undesired behavior. Spanks, clamps, orgasm denial, or difficult poses as punishment really don’t fix the issue. It’s just a deterrent “if” it works for the sub. But consequences and supportive adjustments usually are way more effective at getting the behavior adjusted.

Bratting seeking funishment:
I really dislike this approach but I respect others kinks. I just don’t participate in it. Acting up as a way to make the Dom show force control and apply a disciplinary action. Not really made to fix anything but just the sake of they want that Dom reaction and usually enjoy the funishment actions.

The punish me posts:
A few possible reasons there
1. They want attention
2. May have been misled to thinking this is the only way bdsm works
3. They’re just really wanting peoples ideas for fantasy wank fodder
4. They just want pain or other tasks but aren’t comfortable or don’t know that they can just request it

I see it frequently a Dom replies to a sub and says I want to punish you or his post says he likes to Punish. I’ve even seen where doms will deliberately set up the sub to fail so they can punish. In that case skip the bullshit and be honest with what you want.

I’ve spent plenty of time with my subs just doing pain play. No acting up needed. You want flogging today? Cool let’s do it. You need spanks and or pain release? Bring it on. I feel then you get much better results. The risk of acting up just to get “play” will most likely end up interpreted wrong by either side and will cause issues later.

 

[Gem84]

As these people are usually playing alone, part of it is likely that they want someone else to make a decision or suggestion. Play is almost always better with someone else is involved, even if just a few words online.

Additionally, punishment is kind of a buzz word. It gets the attention of other people scrolling through the forums. It may not be the best word to use, but it gets them what they want/need in the short term.