Dom/Sub Question from a Newbie

[Christine19]

Is there such thing as a non-masochistic sub or a non-sadistic dom.

I like being under the control of someone else and being told what to do but I have a low pain tolerance so I'm not a fan of it.

I don't see a lot of that so I was just curious if anyone has any experience with this kind of dom/sub dynamic that they could share. As far as what are some of the things that you indulge in aside from pain.

Thanks

 

[Focusonme]

Is there such thing as a non-masochistic sub or a non-sadistic dom.

I like being under the control of someone else and being told what to do but I have a low pain tolerance so I'm not a fan of it.

I don't see a lot of that so I was just curious if anyone has any experience with this kind of dom/sub dynamic that they could share. As far as what are some of the things that you indulge in aside from pain.

Thanks

Absolutely. Personally I'm not that into giving pain tasks, I more enjoy that sense of control, with denial or almost constant play, and then you have things like sensory deprivation, use of blindfolds and cold (sometimes warm) things. BDSM doesn't have to be painful, it can be caring and gentle too. What I would reccomend, if you're wanting to try something new, when you're next in the shower try turning the water down and then playing with yourself, and see how that feels. I would also make the statement that you can still do things like bondage and 'more extreme' things. There doesn't have to be pain involved to make pleasure. Punishments can also be done without pain, for example if you're allowed 2 orgasms a week, and you do something wrong, those get taken away and that's a form of punishment

 

[DaughterofAtlas]

That is actually something that concerns me as well. I would say I am looking for a Dom, however I get no pleasure from pain. Most of the "advertisements" are pretty off putting, since many of the Doms do seem to be on the sadistic side. That is one reason why I thought that ddlg might suite me since the caring portion is more in the center. I think I could accept being a slave that is owned IF the owner is right. A man can own a horse, or a nice car, or a model railroad, but he will take good car of it. He does not throw the model train against the wall. In terms of sex is there really that much of a difference to ddlg? It is generally considered to be the daddy's prerogative that the daughter is available for pleasure. In any case my sexuality will be controlled by someone else. I understand that very little will be left to the imagination, and that I will not be shown much in modesty. A limit would be sadistic things. I suppose I would have to accept to being disciplined, but there has to be a reason.

 

[Focusonme]

I think that what you've said here is perfectly reasonable, and personally, would have no problem with it. I think it does depend on the Dom, as some might be more into 'throwing the train against the wall' as you put it, but personally it's not my style. I don't see the necessity for inflicting pain. I think that sadistic things as a limit is fair, you can also mention your low pain threshold. Like everything in a d/s relationship, it's about the communication.

 

[Master JS]

Any dynamic should be based on communication and respect. As a Dom my expectation going into any dynamic is very clear communication about what is acceptable and what isn't. This is also where safewords come into play, to pause play and have the communication to say im not happy about this can we move in a different direction. No 2 subs or Doms are the same and you have to respect that and adapt your dynamic based on the limits and comfort of both parties. Id be concerned by anyone that didn't want to have that kind of a conversation before starting a scene or dynamic.

 

[subzzzero]

I have similar answers in prior replies to other posts. The short version is. Each dynamic is what both parties make it. Labels are less important than actual content. Discussion and communication. Likes dislikes limits expectations etc all need to be cleared up front.
You see lots of hardcore sadistic type posts here because most of the ones posting it don’t know any better and have little to know real kink experience. Look at each persons profile. The guys with tons of posts all the same copy
Paste half ass desperate ads seeking Females over and over are the ones you probably want to avoid. Doms
Who cannot provide details and specifics when vetting again Prob should avoid.
I enjoy pain play and impact but I also have many other kinks after being active for 14yrs+ in the lifestyle. Just because I enjoy certain kinks don’t mean they are necessity. I enjoy various other kinks and treat each dynamic as a unique new experience. I prefer to find the stronger kinks of the sub and focus on those. If a sub interests me through convo and some of my kinks are limits of hers I decide whether I can live without them. Most times for the right girl it’s a easy call. A good Open honest person to me is what’s important. The rest I can compromise on.
So just be you. Advertise accurate to your wants needs. List accurately on your profle as well. Then just don’t entertain the Guys you feel are not a good match. Trust your gut it’s usually right.

 

[Christine19]

I have similar answers in prior replies to other posts. The short version is. Each dynamic is what both parties make it. Labels are less important than actual content. Discussion and communication. Likes dislikes limits expectations etc all need to be cleared up front.
You see lots of hardcore sadistic type posts here because most of the ones posting it don’t know any better and have little to know real kink experience. Look at each persons profile. The guys with tons of posts all the same copy
Paste half ass desperate ads seeking Females over and over are the ones you probably want to avoid. Doms
Who cannot provide details and specifics when vetting again Prob should avoid.
I enjoy pain play and impact but I also have many other kinks after being active for 14yrs+ in the lifestyle. Just because I enjoy certain kinks don’t mean they are necessity. I enjoy various other kinks and treat each dynamic as a unique new experience. I prefer to find the stronger kinks of the sub and focus on those. If a sub interests me through convo and some of my kinks are limits of hers I decide whether I can live without them. Most times for the right girl it’s a easy call. A good Open honest person to me is what’s important. The rest I can compromise on.
So just be you. Advertise accurate to your wants needs. List accurately on your profle as well. Then just don’t entertain the Guys you feel are not a good match. Trust your gut it’s usually right.

Thank you this was really well explained and super helpful❤

 

[Christine19]

Thank you everyone who replied I learned a lot

 

[nina]

Ofcourse, masochism is generally with respect to kinks one is into and there can be dynamics involving play around themes other than physical pain for e.g. tease and denial, forced orgasm, humiliation, bondage, objectification, service sub (like doing chores), pet play... Lots and lots of options actually

 

[Faulkie]

Great thread that by asking all community i t let's you make informed choice . Clearly the thing that runs through replies is that it's important to get right 'fit ' for your self. May come under one title at times but a wide variety and different wants fun through that. Christine19 , clearly you have views on likes and worries over where it will go. Again , the right for us key. For instance on low level some like complete total submission at all times. Personally I like a brat . Just a very very small piece but hope that helps a bit. Remember mind controls as much as anything.