Dominant. The true meanings

[submissivegal87]

Does being a Dominant means being demanding, controlling, rude and just using the submissive as a tool to release yourself? The short answer is no but there is plenty of people out there that believe that it is even some people that call them selves a Dominant.


BDSM is essentially role-playing. In this situation, you are taking the power from your submissive and your submissive is giving it to you willingly. These roles can be quickly strained if you are abusing your power both inside or outside the bedroom, caring more about your own pleasure rather than placing an equal amount of focus on the pleasure of your submissive, or letting the power go to your head and acting horribly to your sub.


Being a Dominant does not mean that you get to do whatever you want either. These kind of relationships rely on trust and understanding. When your submissive is bound, they expect you to be careful, caring, and considerate in the way you interact with them. If you abuse them or cross lines with them during sex and do it intentionally, this is really not okay. Always consider the submissives limits they are there to help you both . A submissive is giving you this power but they are only allowing you to keep it if you keep to there terms.


Being a Dominant does not mean being abusive. Having control over another person does not require you to harm them physically or emotionally. All punishments that may cause physical pain or humiliation should be agreed upon by both people before things even turn into sexual contact. If you use your power as justification to hit your partner or emotionally abuse them, this is another thing that is not acceptable in any way, shape, or form. Always keep these things in mind when you step into your Dominant position so as to ensure you are embracing your role responsibly and treating your sub the right way.


Always keep in mind:
1.Take Responsibility for Your Sub's Pleasure as Well As Your Own
2. Make Sure to Communicate Extensively with Your Sub
3. Be Dominating in a Respectful and Safe Way
4. Be Willing to Explore and Try New Things (Both Sides)

 

[nina]

Hey great thought provoking thread @submissivegal87

BDSM is essentially role-playing.

Just for the sake of healthy discussion, how do you define roleplay, as I do not feel D/s is essentially role playing but understand these are subjective concepts and may mean differently to people. Just linking this article I stumbled upon online which gives some of the reasoning behind.

 

[submissivegal87]

@nina Role play in my opinion is the different dynamics that the submissive and Dominant get up to. Considering on a daily bases in the outside world I cant be me but in the kink world I can be. Reading the article I can agree and also disagree with her opinion as yes it is theoretically acting as she put it but its the only time I can truly open myself up to the real me. And try new things with the help of my amazing Owner.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Role play in my opinion is the different dynamics that the submissive and Dominant get up to.

This is an interesting take and guess it really comes down to semantics.

To me it looks like what you're describing is the public/private faces most of us wear to some degree. This is the persona we are when we work or are in other public situations as opposed to who we become in the privacy of our intimate moments. You mentioned this is the time when you are really "yourself" and I think this is pretty common in fact, which actually means the "acting" is all the other times, no?

Psychologically this is quite an interesting thing, I've heard several times people complain about casual dress days at work because they don't "feel" like they're at work unless they're dressed for it.
This kind of putting on your work face, or putting on your family gathering face, etc is a real thing for a lot people and so I guess it follows that putting on your play face could be a thing too.

I think what @nina was alluding to is the more common kink definition of "role play" whereby people engage in fantasy scenes. This includes everything from online RP where participants can assume other genders, etc and the play isn't bounded by reality, through to cosplay type RP where physical players dress for different parts.

Regardless I think you explained what you mean clearly enough.

 

[Magnetic]

You are correct, that is what it means to be a Dom.

However, not everybody is like that. a select few are into BDSM with a far more open mind, and don't require any or all of that (to a degree, which is different for each case).

This is the difference between a Dom and a Master.