Getting into kink

[BigRuger84]

Hello, new here and looking for advice.

My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years, our sex life in great but we want to spice it up some.

Some history, I come from a very vanilla past. My wife was more on the wild side.

Together we are into oral, anal, toys, chocking, and command (I guess you would call it. Ie she can’t make a noise until I tell her to). She leans sub, I lean neutral, but we both want me to be more dom.

Recently we decided we wanted to get into restraining. So we got a set to tie my wife to the bed, which sounds hot as hell……and that’s why I’m here.

My wife asked me a couple of weeks later why I haven’t tied her up. And I told her I didn’t know what to do after I did so. She said “that’s for you to figure out”

This sounds dumb in my head to even ask but what do I do? Restraining her and ‘just’ having sex does sound fun and hot but doesn’t seem exciting.

Please educate me and give me some advice. In the mean time I’ll be reading thru the boards.

Thanks.

 

[subzzzero]

Hello, new here and looking for advice.

My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years, our sex life in great but we want to spice it up some.

Some history, I come from a very vanilla past. My wife was more on the wild side.

Together we are into oral, anal, toys, chocking, and command (I guess you would call it. Ie she can’t make a noise until I tell her to). She leans sub, I lean neutral, but we both want me to be more dom.

Recently we decided we wanted to get into restraining. So we got a set to tie my wife to the bed, which sounds hot as hell……and that’s why I’m here.

My wife asked me a couple of weeks later why I haven’t tied her up. And I told her I didn’t know what to do after I did so. She said “that’s for you to figure out”

This sounds dumb in my head to even ask but what do I do? Restraining her and ‘just’ having sex does sound fun and hot but doesn’t seem exciting.

Please educate me and give me some advice. In the mean time I’ll be reading thru the boards.

Thanks.

So this is going to sound boring. But the best way to make the things work is to discusss likes dislikes kinks and expectations. Then when it’s play time you can have a general idea of where to go.

This will be wide open since you list minimal kinks. While restrained you can use your fingers mouth cock a toys to tease her. Like a hitachi wand edging her along and she can’t stop you cuz she’s tied. You can stuff holes both for pleasure or for pain If she likes pain. You can make her cum over and over and keep going cuz she can’t stop you. You could do sensory play while she’s naked and tied, feathers, knives, paintbrush, chain, ice, Wartenburg wheel, etc all for the sensory feel

If you do choking look up the bdsm specifics about doing the jawline vein vs windpipe crushing that can result in serious damage. If you want breath play hold a hand over mouth and pinch her nose shut then you can easily release it and not worry about trachea damage.

While restrained you can do wax play, impact, sensory, clamping, zippers, Chem play, temp play, etc. just be sure you know the safety of it all and have safewords in place. Traffic light system works good for beginners and experienced alike. If she’s gagged or you’re doing breath play figure out a non verbal way. Like drop an item or set numbers of taps to you etc.


Overall she’s got something she wants done whether from books movies or prior Exp. So have her share it with you and then next time you can rock her world

 

[BigRuger84]

I appreciate that feedback!

What she said previously is nothing is off the table and to use her how I like. Which is where the “you figure it out” comment came into play.

But you’ve given me some ideas that I can look into and have further discussions.

 

[subzzzero]

Yes so that whole no limits thing for experienced kinksters is a red flag. Always worth a discussion vs assuming she’s good with it all.
Example. Some of my extremes are cutting, extreme impact, branding, watersports, Cnc, humiliation degradation, extreme pain, those are not for everyone. As a matter of fact many think they want it until they get a lower level of it and realize nope not for me. So really try to get her to give you a basic roadmap of general kinks. No one’s extremes and limits are the same. There is no standard. It all varies by couple.

 

[jebahim109]

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[Lady Mercy]

Hello, new here and looking for advice.

My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years, our sex life in great but we want to spice it up some.

Some history, I come from a very vanilla past. My wife was more on the wild side.

Together we are into oral, anal, toys, chocking, and command (I guess you would call it. Ie she can’t make a noise until I tell her to). She leans sub, I lean neutral, but we both want me to be more dom.

Recently we decided we wanted to get into restraining. So we got a set to tie my wife to the bed, which sounds hot as hell……and that’s why I’m here.

My wife asked me a couple of weeks later why I haven’t tied her up. And I told her I didn’t know what to do after I did so. She said “that’s for you to figure out”

This sounds dumb in my head to even ask but what do I do? Restraining her and ‘just’ having sex does sound fun and hot but doesn’t seem exciting.

Please educate me and give me some advice. In the mean time I’ll be reading thru the boards.

Thanks.

Perhaps a book on rope techniques would be helpful. You can discuss desires and limits while developing some rope bondage goals.

What research have you done thus far?