Ghosting, happens...

[Doctor Pervert]

Recently I've had several reports, like officially reported by members, about being ghosted by other members.

Unfortunately this is quite common and really, in a forum like this where 99.9% of the interaction is online only it's just going to happen.
There can be lots of reasons why people ghost, for those wondering, ghosting is when someone you've been chatting to simply stops responding, totally. The most basic one is they loose interest in which case ghosting is rather rude, a simple "this isn't working, thanks and bye" at least lets the other person know you're not dead under a bus.
But there are lots and lots of other reasons this happens too, life is complicated and often busy and taking time to come back here and explain the situation isn't always viable or even possible in some cases.

Another common scenario is a shame/guilt reaction, sometimes people get really carried away, sub frenzy is a very real thing, and say and do all kinds of stuff they later regret or feel embarrassed about so delete their access or just swear themselves off the site. I see this happen a fair bit, I call them yo-yo members, they go through this shame/guilt bout then some time later get the urge to partake in their kink again. They come back, often apologize, get active, then ghost again.

As I said, life is complicated and messy and what happens here often times isn't peoples biggest priority in life. So don't take it personally if you get ghosted, and don't let it put you off either. Be kind and considerate to other members, try to be understanding that their life, just like yours is no simple affair. I totally get that sometimes significant effort and time is put into building up a bond, and it's rough when that just stops without explanation.

And to those that have ghosted others, even if you had good reason, also just consider that other person is a person, not a bot. The interactions you get are real, with real people and they could worry about your fate when a simple message would at least let them know you're not coming back. So if you can, whenever possible, take a few seconds more to finish what you started.

 

[subzzzero]

Agreed. If you have time to block someone or dump your account off. You have the 10 seconds it takes to say “no longer interested”. That being said I try to not fully invest until both parties have shown they are committed to staying active. I feel the majority of the ghostings are those coming on horny thinking with their lower parts and just wanting anythjng at all in form of play. They will say what you want to hear they will “train” you. All those great buzzwords you think make them legit and it’s all just to get your clothes off. Once they get that release. They no longer care to provide any further communication. To them its like watching a porn vid and closing the window when they’re done.

My advice don’t give the milk for free. This goes for all roles and genders. If you want a sustainable kink dynamic there needs to be a connection formed. I’m not saying it needs to be love I have plenty of connected kink friends who are just that, trusted friends. But when you pair up together Based on lust based on the in the moment need. When you overlook the likes, dislikes, limits, common ground expectations, discussion and actually learning of one another. It will get stale fast. And then things crumble. With no connection it’s easy for someone to feel zero obligation to you and just poof ghost on you. I’m in no way blaming the victim here. Im merely saying do your part to keep you safe.

Don’t fall for the bullshit. Get real details. Don’t look for a partner only when horny. Don’t settle on someone you know isnt what you need. Stand firm on your needs. Hold off on nudes for a set time maybe a few days. Maybe weeks. I know a prior sub who made people wait a month for non clothed pics . It was the best choice ever cuz through hundreds of guys spouting off all the right words short term. Only a few made it to the month and by then she knows they were legit and they both had connected on many levels other than just shallow sex.

That being said if you’ve taken these steps and really connected. Then you’ll know when someone ghosts it’s probably for a major reason and you’ll probably hear back as soon as they are able. Storms knock out power, service goes down, family emergencies happen, personal health issues happen, any number of reasons we shift priority focus. But usually they reach out as soon as able.

The number one thing I want to draw attention to especially for the subs. If a dom/domme consistently keeps ghosting and reappearing with excuses cut them loose. They’re playing you and more than likely others as well. Circling back around when one is unavail and they’re bored and horny again. Cut them loose.

This got long winded. One last point. Marriage other relationships. If the person was not honest with you up front and said hey I’m in a relationship and that other partner does or doesn’t know. Odds are they’ve found out and been busted. They’ve either voluntarily or by ultimatums deleted their connections to you. Maybe to the whole site or messages app. The other option comes with in person meets. The person will always have excuses as to why they can’t show or last minute canceling but yet can still play online. They’re married or in a relationship and too scared to commit to the meet up. or are likely being interfered by family responsibilities which are seldom scheduled.

 

[SilverBlue]

The impression I get is that some people are only kinky when they're horny. Not to put too finer point on it, some people are just looking for some online sex. Once they've finished, they ghost - sometimes within moments of finishing. Maybe they'll hit you up again the next time they're horny, maybe they'll look for someone new, but in the end they're only around as long as they're in the mood.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Another scenario that happens here quite often is when subs, especially females post for tasks or ideas or a dom and get overwhelmed with replies. This can build up really fast and happens most often with those supplying photos of themselves. Everyone wants a bit of this action and suddenly the poor girl has so many requests and demands she simply ghosts.

This is pretty understandable, although you might not see it that way. To you it may look like you're the only one she's chatting too, and then boom, nothing. The reality may be she has dozens of guys tasking her with so many ideas she simply can't cope. It's also exacerbated by the sub tendency to want to please, she quickly discovers you can't please everyone and panics, pulling out totally. And so a dozen or more guys are left wondering why they were ghosted, yet again.

As I said before, don't take it personally, there could be a lot more going on than you realise.