It's silly to say there can't be love in a D/S relationship. When both people understand and care about the feelings of the other, then however they choose to express that love, as long as it's safe, sane, consensual, and both people are adults, I say pretty much anything goes.
It's also silly to ignore that there are unfortunately some people who enter into BDSM because they either want to be bullies (and therefore proclaim themselves "dominant" when in reality they're just too insecure for a relationship with someone who doesn't follow their every whim) or because they have very low self-esteem and want to be told everything they should do so they don't have to believe in their own capacity to make choices.
There is a difference between a dom and a bully, and between a sub and a doormat. A dom respects the sub and a sub expects to be respected, on a fundamental level, even during activities that may make it appear otherwise to an outside observer (such as some humiliation play).
At the same time, I can see how someone who has seen an abusive relationship but not seen a healthy d/s relationship could be concerned. After all, imagine you didn't know anything about BDSM and you heard a coworker say, "Yeah, after work I'm going to tie my wife up, whip her, and call her a whore. Then if she's really lucky, I'll let her give me oral." It would sound awful. But if she's into bondage, S&M, and being told what to do, then as long as the dom respects her limits and is careful to make sure the whole time that she's alright, they should go for it if they want.
And when you take the lack of context and the occasional people you run into who need help, but, rather than getting it, disguise their tendencies toward bullying as BDSM, and add on some of the more extreme stories you see online:
"My wife tricked into putting on a chastity cage for 27 years. I literally have to roll my blue balls around on a cart while I serve tea in a maid outfit to her and our daughter and all their friends and the President. I'm loving every minute of it." I find it very unlikely that anyone actually wants this, or would enjoy it as much as he thinks if he had it.
But is it really hard to believe someone whose most secret fantasy is "I'd like to have sex with [insert celebrity name here]," a fantasy which he or she would probably (if single, anyway) indulge if given the chance, would think everyone wants to live out all of his or her sexual fantasies, and that there's something wrong here?
It seems to me that, while yes, it is offensive that someone would say people in a d/s relationship don't love each other, it's also understandable given the bad examples, lack of context, and misinformation they're fed so frequently.
Sorry. Kind of started babbling there for a minute.
