Kink is part of you and that's exhausting.

[MercyHunter]

You come to a point in your life, when you just accept this side of yourself. The so called "sexually extravagant" part of you, that youve discussed with some of your friends.
A part of you that you know, many people wouldn't really "accept" but you just keep living your day to day life.

You hang out, you go shopping, you talk with your family about "your future" and it all seems good.

You walk around wirh friends and you see lingerie that you point out as "cute" and they give you that weird look.
You make that one joke that's "a little too far" so the room goes quiet.
The shitty "kinky scene" in a show or movie comes, and they all turn to look at you as your face gets red. (Not because it's good, but because its embarrassingly bad + the embarrassment from the judgment)

You just sit and think for a moment.... "am i going too far with this "interest"?".

Than your close friends come to you, with questions "i mean, you know about stuff like that more... can you help with looking and picking out of these online shops?" "What's this used for?" "What about this one?". You share a few laughs, you chat about all of it
and suddenly you don't feel "wrong". You could even say that you were quite helpful.

You talk with your family more, and it turns out thay they just want you to be happy and healthy. And somehow a weight is lifted off of your chest.



Untill you go outside, dressed alternatively (with a little bit of edge to it), and everyone is looking at you as if you are a dominatrix out of a movie.
The regrets for your sexual choices dissappear, as they get replaced by the one's for your style.
My bad, for forgetting that the masses think, that only doms wear: latex, corsets, lace AND GLASSES?

 

[subzzzero]

Clothing does not make the role. Unfortunately people are close minded and have mental models that have been engrained as to what someone of a certain title should “look like”

I suggest live the way you want. Dress the way you enjoy and explore in any way consensual that you wish. Don’t let the vanilla masses get you down. Explore and enjoy. And fuck all the others opinions. They will not pay your bills. They will not buy you new clothes. They will not control anything unless you allow them to. So live it up and do you.

 

[MercyHunter]

"Mommy mommy" I WILL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF LIKE A PRAYING MANTIS.

 

[subzzzero]

Yeah a sub girl having to hear a sub guy refer to her as mommy just makes her feel

 

[MissKubo]

I used to be a goth back in my late teens/early 20's and yes. The judgement

 

[shyoldguy]

Everyone has an opinion - can't please all the people all the time so - as long as you are pleased with yourself, don't worry about the other people - they're usually boring anyway.

 

[MercyHunter]

Yeah a sub girl having to hear a sub guy refer to her as mommy just makes her feel

I can't even begin to imagine how it is for doms in this situation .

 

[subzzzero]

I can't even begin to imagine how it is for doms in this situation .

Honestly the male to female ratio and desperation levels of some male subs is why lots of “dommes” charge and make money.

 

[LadyGrace321]

It blows my mind that people pay for it. I can't engage without knowing a person on a deeper level. Its damn near impossible to get inside some strangers head and perform the delicate give and take in passion Online. Of course, I'm assuming those women are for quick thrills.
And
Some people have absolutely no choice but to keep their sexual preferences a secret.

 

[Gengis]

Wonder why protitution its called the oldest job... Men (can we agreer that its mostly men? although theres a fair share of women) want to do something and there are people that needs money.... its pretty obvious.
Those who know that what they want is for sale, maybe or maybe not, whould try at least "what is going on"

Wont even mention the rise of onlyfans... i dont know what my thoughts are about this... but there are to parties:

Those who state "go for it girl, its far from prostitution and ull make tons of money" hmmmmm dont trust the one whos eagerly pointing you throug that path

And the ones who things its the same as protitution of pornography, selling ur body for money.

But its is a huuuuuge attraction being money the main reasson. I bet (i know one girl IRL already) taht most "normal" people will regret doing a certain of nudity... and... the feedback the get after it.... OHHH the feedback. Thats what my friend whined the most about thehole onlyfans thing. Money was ok, expossure (su set the limit) its bearable, but dealing with your "community"???? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhh!!!!!!!! xD

So as for my friends case, her, now ex, housband was the one pointing her towards onlyfans mainly because he tought it could be a way of earning money for both of them... WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

As per my self...Never payed, even when i felt desperate and unwated by, probably the hole, female population (on earth xDDDD)

 

[MercyHunter]

Some people have absolutely no choice but to keep their sexual preferences a secret.

I mean sure, it can be a secret to the masses. But it can still be done in secret in a more intimate way, in my opinion.

I too however, don't get how people do it without knowing each other well.
How do you know what makes them tick? How do you keep a scene going if you don't know them enough to recognize their micro reactions?
How do you know what to say, without making it cringe for the other, when you don't know them on a more personal level?

And the other question is, if as a worker you DO know all of these things about your clients, how do you even keep up?

Sexuality is so personal. It feels weird that a "general idea" of it can be sold to so many (and that it somehow works). I've always seen it as a "partner project", to try and figure out what works for both parties. I don't know how they make it work, but some definitely do. And honestly, that quite impressive.

 

[Gengis]

I too however, don't get how people do it without knowing each other well.
How do you know what makes them tick? How do you keep a scene going if you don't know them enough to recognize their micro reactions?
How do you know what to say, without making it cringe for the other, when you don't know them on a more personal level?

Wel... its easy to answer that... There is no way of knowing without trying. Ull get those micro ractions once u know your partner...
Ull be cringe, but ull also have the trust of ur partner so u can be told "your being cringy," probably better in a no negative way. Avoiding "i dont like.." "your doing it wrong..." and using "I whould enjoy this ... better" "can you do this that way, i like it more"

How did u learn to ride a bicicle? just riding a bicicle and falling one and million times. Here is the same.

 

[Gengis]

as for instance... last time i tried something new i learnt online, my approach was like
"i have some new techniques " Kind of bragging... "let me know if its ok like this" and blablalb making sure its ok, right pressure, right frequence.... and such
The answer i got was "its just like the way i do but mirrored".
I asked if i should adapt, didnt get a word for answer but a microreaction, not that micro tho.
The sensation of "just like i do it" was just amazing, but ive done things that didnt work at all xD

 

[LadyGrace321]

I really want to disagree with you @Gengis but your also kinda correct. Tell you what, since ice man never reported back, and I Really truly don't think this online scene stuff is enough to bring sexual fulfillment, wanna prove me wrong this weekend?

 

[Gengis]

I really want to disagree with you @Gengis but your also kinda correct. Tell you what, since ice man never reported back, and I Really truly don't think this online scene stuff is enough to bring sexual fulfillment, wanna prove me wrong this weekend?

Hmm, yes, why not? but will need to adapt. First, i dont like 2nd hand tasks and second.. theres no second. xD

 

[MercyHunter]

How did u learn to ride a bicicle? just riding a bicicle and falling one and million times. Here is the same.

I never learned to ride a bicycle lmao.
Also, the questions were rethorical, to emphasize how much is lost when the relationship is a one-timer or transactional.
I do appreciate the answer tho!

 

[Gengis]

damn.... to all xD Its never late, learn to ride, its fun and healthy!!
and.. didnt get the rethorical, now taht i think of it.... yeeessss, but... i was assuming one timer bdsm - non transactional is not something u do everday... and it is hard to find some1 into the game unless u search fo it


and if its transactional, chances are your partner has a lot of experience and knows almost every way u will be reacting to whatever is done on you

 

[LadyGrace321]

Transaction?! What? I mean .. yeah, I don't get it.

 

[MercyHunter]

Wonder why protitution its called the oldest job... Men (can we agreer that its mostly men? although theres a fair share of women) want to do something and there are people that needs money.... its pretty obvious.
Those who know that what they want is for sale, maybe or maybe not, whould try at least "what is going on"

I consider sex work (for the most part but not all) to be very exploitative. Not only to it's workers but also the "customers" or as i call them "victims".
Ushually lonely people, addictive personality and a sprinkle of insecurity is enough to make the perfect "subscriber".
Does it work? Absolutely! Is it unethical? Very much so, yes!

I try to keep that one sentence in mind whenever the discussion is brought up: "Paid consent is not consent". If the worker is doing it only for the money and not because they enjoy it, it's also exploitative and unhealthy.

Wont even mention the rise of onlyfans... i dont know what my thoughts are about this... but there are to parties:

The first one you mention is ushually followed by "I mean, you can always delete it when you want!" As if that's how the internet works!
The worst part about OF is that it plays even more into the loneliness of people! Gives them this false hope of "chatting" or "knowing" the creator on a more personal level. It uses parasocial relationships to squeeze out as much money as possible.

And as much as i find "simps" of that kind, to be complete degenerates and honestly repulsive. I can't help but feel pitty for them. Becouse for most of them its not a paypig kink, it's not a get off to the "sugar mommy/ daddy" aspect of it all or some weird fentasy that they can experience this way.
It's just human loneliness. The raw, painful kind. Sure, it's ushually caused by them, but there is still a person on the other side of that screen.
At the end of the day th, using vulnerable people for your financial gain is a lot more pathetic than being a "looser".

 

[subzzzero]

Sex work online in my opinion especially the broad term of cam girls. This is really no big info needed. Guys who pay just want to get off. If they’re vanilla it’s just get out nudity and play for them on cam. Guy cums guy leaves girl gets paid. If they’re Dom or thinking they’re Dom. It’s a bit more give direction and cam girl take direction but still little to no connection needed on her part. Guy cums she get paid and he leaves. If the guy is sub the cam girl can really just half ass it. give some basic joi and stuff. Dude blows load and leaves happy. She makes money.
It’s business first and foremost so you get a care salesman approach of telling you want to hear so you’ll pay. Simple as that. You think you’re the only one, you’re special, you’re getting a “deal”. Nope it’s the same for all guys she sees.

Porn is also fantasy so guys believe the fantasy. A good sex worker is an even better salesperson.



In person sex worker again much of same unless the guy is a regular. She may then know things just as your bartender or waitstaff might know your order. Or Starbucks person knows your coffee order as you just show up. It’s all business to make money. You tip good service. You also give return business.