I appreciate your reply. I can really feel the sense of providing insight
thank you so much and i hope I didn't stressed you out so much
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- Thread starter Penelopeness23
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thank you so much and i hope I didn't stressed you out so much
What is a hot poker? I assume it's a proper one since i heard he's paying a lot for it. I'm really just trying to hold out till he is swamped with work and hopefully he forgets
I dont know which message to reply to since they all seem ... weird.
With a lot of respect, dude just seems weird. Being a sub/slave/whatever doesnt mean you have thrown away your agency. Blindfold and piercejng even after ending a dynamic is just him trying to get what he wants.
You need to consider your position/relation properly if you are in a place where you are hoping your partner is swamped with work and forgets something. Sounds abusive. Probably is too. This is not how bdsm or consent works.
If I were you I would have asked for a glans piercing for him to go with your nipple piercing.
A piece of advice - being a sub is no reason to be naïve.
With a lot of respect, dude just seems weird. Being a sub/slave/whatever doesnt mean you have thrown away your agency. Blindfold and piercejng even after ending a dynamic is just him trying to get what he wants.
You need to consider your position/relation properly if you are in a place where you are hoping your partner is swamped with work and forgets something. Sounds abusive. Probably is too. This is not how bdsm or consent works.
If I were you I would have asked for a glans piercing for him to go with your nipple piercing.
A piece of advice - being a sub is no reason to be naïve.
I don't think I'm being naive. Just hopeful. Told him about the decrease of sensitivity on the nipples but he said it varies. I'll try to ask him about the glans piercing
hopefully he'll decline so i could. I don't think he's abusive even if he is a part of the fault falls into me as well for tolerating his compromise themed suggestions
I 1000% agree with subzzzero he is trying to manipulate you. Just think with that blindfold on he could easily slice a nipple before you even know what he is up to. Is it really worth trusting someone who clearly does not care about your boundaries. Once he has that blindfold on he could easily tie your hands . Is that a risk worth taking? It's up to you but to me it just sounds like he is trying to manipulate you into whatever he wants because once he starts will you be able to say no? He is counting on you being to polite to stop him once he starts.
That is what it feels like... It's a needle that is used after clamping normally.
And I checked with my submissive it is 'her description', she has both done.
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I didn't think far enough as to slicing my nipple cause we clearly said no to that and i discussed him the risks. I'm starting to see why he is deemed a hazard. But he's my friend though. Plus he knows the law. I do believe I could say no but putting it like that. I'm anxious now. He did show the blindfold (it's lace) and other materials he bought before. Though some of his toys have sharp edges they're silicone(?) Like the soft plastic but wow I didn't think that far. That's mental. Wow Thanks for opening my eyes. He does ask me if I'm okay with it i usually say yes or maybe
that's on me i guess
The needle isn’t heated. It’s a hollow needle that goes through a clamped section of the nipple. The sensation is a burning feeling is what he was saying.
Well considering everything that's been said here that made me realize how dangerous this is i told him the decrease in sensitivity and how long it is to heal and to not be touched and as well as the tight clamps as a better alternative. He hasn't responded
Because he is trying to come up with another way to trick you into doing what he wants. And yes I understand I know nothing about him but what you are telling us. But here is the thing if what he was asking of you was appropriate you would not be asking for advice. If you didn't already have your own doubt you would not have come to us.
I'm going to give you and example. When I was in high school I met my now husband. I lost my virginity to him on our third date. My best friend was a virgin at the time also. When I told her I had lost mine she kept asking me if she should have sex with her boyfriend. I told her if you have to ask me if your ready then your not. It should just feel right you shouldn't be worried about weather it is right for you. Long story short she decided to because we no longer had anything in common because I wasn't a virgin anymore. Guess what she regretted it and blamed it on me for years.
So I'm going to tell you the same thing I told her. If you have to ask us if it's right then you already know it's wrong.
I hope i don't come out as rude or dismissive i really don't mean it this next sentence in that tone but I didn't ask if it was right or wrong. But i do appreciate you all telling me it's wrong and it's not bdsm and wrong in every aspect of a human relationship at that. We've been in a complicated fwb set up for 6 years so i gotten used to tolerating him to the point that i just convince myself by default I'm on board with him. It certainly saved my idiot ass from something that cannot be undone. So far i only received an "OK" from him. Just that two letters and if i use my brain I'm sure he's going to do something when we meet so i decided if he ever decides on the day we meet. I'll just tell him I'm unavailable
I'm too stressed out to say No again to him. I'm really sorry this is all i could do. But yeah rest assured No nipple piercing for me in this lifetime
Hey Penelope.
I don't think anyone here is trying to say what you're doing is right or wrong. It's your life and at the end of the day, you're the decision maker and you are the one who has to live with it.
Rather, from what we've heard, they're all just trying to help you realise and get out of something that is toxic to you. I know it's really easy to say 'stop and move on' but really difficult to be done. But in certain situations, it is important to be done. Really important. There were many situations in this thread where red flags of your friend was pointed out. But you still keep mentioning more and more happening.
Apologies for being blunt. But this person (from what we've heard here) is a very toxic person. Not because of his lack of knowledge in kink. We all were new and we've all made mistakes. Mistakes that some of us still regret. But what makes a difference is when you learn from them and decide to change. That is not visible in the case of your friend. He's constantly trying to trick you and manipulate you into getting what he wants without thinking about your safety.
As much as you want to have fun, think about your safety. Think long term. Don't let short term sorrow and grief ruin your mental and physical health for a longer period.
Good luck.
Devil
I don't think anyone here is trying to say what you're doing is right or wrong. It's your life and at the end of the day, you're the decision maker and you are the one who has to live with it.
Rather, from what we've heard, they're all just trying to help you realise and get out of something that is toxic to you. I know it's really easy to say 'stop and move on' but really difficult to be done. But in certain situations, it is important to be done. Really important. There were many situations in this thread where red flags of your friend was pointed out. But you still keep mentioning more and more happening.
Apologies for being blunt. But this person (from what we've heard here) is a very toxic person. Not because of his lack of knowledge in kink. We all were new and we've all made mistakes. Mistakes that some of us still regret. But what makes a difference is when you learn from them and decide to change. That is not visible in the case of your friend. He's constantly trying to trick you and manipulate you into getting what he wants without thinking about your safety.
As much as you want to have fun, think about your safety. Think long term. Don't let short term sorrow and grief ruin your mental and physical health for a longer period.
Good luck.
Devil
Thank you for this but i would like to clarify the "right and wrong" i never said anything about people telling what is right or wrong. I only gave an update and someone said i knew something was wrong if i was to seek advice here and after pondering on it. They were right. And indeed i am deep in denial because of all the favors he's done for me. I'm really sorry for the confusion and i hope i didn't offend anyone. I'm really thankful for the advices and even going out of their way to write long paragraphs for me to understand the severity of his actions. I am fully aware of that now and I've declined him repeatedly today. Not sure about how our friendship would progress but i hope it won't be a bad one.Hey Penelope.
I don't think anyone here is trying to say what you're doing is right or wrong. It's your life and at the end of the day, you're the decision maker and you are the one who has to live with it.
Rather, from what we've heard, they're all just trying to help you realise and get out of something that is toxic to you. I know it's really easy to say 'stop and move on' but really difficult to be done. But in certain situations, it is important to be done. Really important. There were many situations in this thread where red flags of your friend was pointed out. But you still keep mentioning more and more happening.
Apologies for being blunt. But this person (from what we've heard here) is a very toxic person. Not because of his lack of knowledge in kink. We all were new and we've all made mistakes. Mistakes that some of us still regret. But what makes a difference is when you learn from them and decide to change. That is not visible in the case of your friend. He's constantly trying to trick you and manipulate you into getting what he wants without thinking about your safety.
As much as you want to have fun, think about your safety. Think long term. Don't let short term sorrow and grief ruin your mental and physical health for a longer period.
Good luck.
Devil
I'm truly sorry if i sounded hard headed and stupid. I didn't really realize the dynamic of our friendship and what could be the possible consequences until Miss Nova pointed out the blindfold.
As i have said before no more bdsm for us. No more nipple piercing for me and I'm just here to learn and find out more about my kinks and the proper and safe way to practice bdsm
Advance Happy New Year to everyone
