Looking for advise

[alphasub99]

My situation is quite complex. I am a married submissive woman. My husband is a Dominant. We were unaware of this for few years and carried on with vanilla. He loves me so much that he is unable to feel me as his submissive. He says it breaks him down if he has to spank me. I wouldn’t want to go out of marriage to satisfy my needs cos he is very possessive of me and not my choice either.

I would never need him to do anything out of his will n wish. And that’s what’s true submission I believe personally. As the days progress, the craving is just escalating. Unlucky, that I am. Can someone please advise how to avoid getting depressed from not being able to submit?

 

[nina]

If he is a dominant, and likes to take charge, then there are many other ways for you to submit and him to take charge other than spanking, maybe try with something less kinky or painful but which does establish the dynamic anyways, eg. submissive poses etc

 

[alphasub99]

Thanks Nina I get what you are saying. Would get into talking about it.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

My situation is quite complex. I am a married submissive woman. My husband is a Dominant. We were unaware of this for few years and carried on with vanilla. He loves me so much that he is unable to feel me as his submissive. He says it breaks him down if he has to spank me. I wouldn’t want to go out of marriage to satisfy my needs cos he is very possessive of me and not my choice either.

I would never need him to do anything out of his will n wish. And that’s what’s true submission I believe personally. As the days progress, the craving is just escalating. Unlucky, that I am. Can someone please advise how to avoid getting depressed from not being able to submit?

Hello and welcome!

I think @nina makes a good point and since you have already been discussing this it is a good start.
Some of what you've written seems a bit confused but it does really seem what's needed is a simple process of working out what you like, what he likes and then picking the ones that align. As mentioned already there is an awful lot more to BDSM than just spanking.

 

[gbdare]

My situation is quite complex. I am a married submissive woman. My husband is a Dominant. We were unaware of this for few years and carried on with vanilla. He loves me so much that he is unable to feel me as his submissive. He says it breaks him down if he has to spank me. I wouldn’t want to go out of marriage to satisfy my needs cos he is very possessive of me and not my choice either.

I would never need him to do anything out of his will n wish. And that’s what’s true submission I believe personally. As the days progress, the craving is just escalating. Unlucky, that I am. Can someone please advise how to avoid getting depressed from not being able to submit?

In addition to just communicating openly with each other more about what turns you on (and off), I suggest talking with people in the BDSM community about the things they do in their Dom/sub relationships. In addition to the forums here, I suggest you check out fetlife.com and join the appropriate groups and connect with like-minded folks there. Fetlife is also a good resource for finding local in-person groups/munches, play spaces, parties, etc., where you can go see and experience what other people are doing and what might work for you and your husband. Sometimes you need to think outside the box a little bit, and having a variety of viewpoints from people with a range of experiences can help you do that.

 

[andrei]

I hope I can help a bit with an example.
Years ago I felt the need to try naughty things with my wife. She liked bondage a bit. Spanking her she always was: it hurts. And anything I proposed she was laughing and refusing.

In time I was frustrated we had no common interest and we would be vanilla for the rest of our lives. In time I learned to live with this and changed myself and begun to understand her. But later I found out she also changed and became more interested in things I loved. She just needed time.

People change in time. Don't rush if you are not prepaired. Think that maybe he is also asking himself what to do about.