I wanted to post a thread here talking specifically about mine and @KpopPunkKink 's experiences, since I know there aren't many married couples on here exploring kink together. I figured this way, if someone ever joined the forum who was in a similar situation, they'd have our experiences to learn from.
A little background knowledge: My husband and I have been best friends for over half our lives. We didnt start dating until about 6 years after our friendship began. At this point, we've now been married for over 7 years. He's still my best friend, and I love him to death.
We had a very vanilla sex life in the beginning. I was his first partner and I think he was scared of doing something wrong or that would upset me. It was good, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't kinky.
Then about a year or two before we got married, his sex drive started to slow down a TON. I talked to him about how it made me feel unwanted when I always had to initiate it, and I even tried bringing up kink to spice things up, but it didn't do anything. He just wasn't interested.
For a LONG time, I thought maybe he was ACE or something. It was obvious that everything else in our relationship stayed the same, and that he still loved me, we just weren't intimate anymore. He never snuck off or tried to hide anything, and I was never worried. I just learned to deal with things on my own.
I got a lot of toys. I watched a lot of (bad) porn. Then I started exploring and fantasizing about kink. I read a LOT of smut, did a lot of research on sites like kinktalk, and just dealt with things on my own. I stopped trying to initiate because it was obvious he didn't want it and it made him uncomfortable. The last time we tried to have sex (on our honeymoon) he couldn't even keep it up long enough to finish. I figured he was just trying to make me happy...and that he really just wasn't interested in the sex, so I let it go.
He knew I had toys. He knew I masturbated and I'd hinted at the kink exploration multiple times in many ways. He just genuinely didn't seem interested, and I honestly think his mind was so far away from sex that my "hints" weren't obvious enough for him to pick up on anyways.
Fast forward 7 years: we find out he has had a 2cm PITUITARY TUMOR the whole time, which was causing a massive overproduction of prolactin (like he almost started lactating...for real), and had caused his testosterone levels to drop through the FLOOR. He didn't want sex or cuddling or anything physical because his hormones were a giant hot mess.
They started treating the tumor with medication to shrink it, and not too long ago his hormones started to normalize. He started wanting sex again...a LOT....Basically like going through a 2nd puberty. AND he wanted to cuddle, and kiss, and just be close. I honestly dont remember how long it had been since our last real kiss before the "first one" recently. I know it had been a long time.
I knew at that point we needed to have a serious conversation. Our sex life had always been so vanilla in the past, but while I'd been dealing with my own sexual needs on my own over the last 7 or 8 years I'd learned a LOT about myself, my desires, and my kinks....and I wanted more than just vanilla sex. I was terrified to share some of those desires and kinks with him because I was so worried he would judge me, but I should have known better. He loves me just like I love him, and not only was he open to listening, but he was actually excited about it.
The more we talk about it and discuss things we'd like to try, the more comfortable and confident he gets. We've talked about consent, and about how we shouldn't be scared to try things because if the other person doesn't want/like something we will be open and honest about it, without judgment.
I was TERRIFIED to tell him exactly how deep my kink exploration has gone. Words like "humiliation" and "exposure" and "pain" and "pictures on the internet" were so hard to say...but I laid it all out for him anyways because I wanted us to truly be on the same page.
And his response has been nothing short of amazing. Not only has he been willing to explore with me....but he's done his own research and found things that HE WOULD like to try. If you asked me a year ago if I thought he'd take pictures of me tied up and post them on the internet I would have laughed at your face....but he's been so willing to explore my kinks right along with me, and has even found he also gets pleasure from a lot of them too....and that's just been huge for us. He's been open and honest with me about what he likes, doesnt like, and maybe wants to eventually try....and he's so much more confident than he ever was before. I believe a lot of that confidence comes from knowing I'm not going to judge him, but he could probably share more about that.
Honestly @KpopPunkKink I hope you respond to this post and talk about how all of this has been for you, because it could help someone feel more comfortable sharing their kinks with their significant other after hearing it from your perspective.
Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are still exploring and still learning, and we are in the very beginning stages of exploring kink TOGETHER.....but the big thing I've found so far is that open and honest communication has absolutely been the key. You really have to put yourself out there and take that chance, but it's so worth the risk. I'm SO GLAD I told him everything, and I'm so excited to see what the future has in store for us.
Also, if you used to like sex and you suddenly stop wanting it, please go to the doctor and don't be embarrassed to talk about it. Make sure you don’t have a brain tumor. lol
Anyways, hopefully this inspires someone else out there to open up to their significant other about their kinks and desires, so yall can enjoy the kinky married life too. ❤
A little background knowledge: My husband and I have been best friends for over half our lives. We didnt start dating until about 6 years after our friendship began. At this point, we've now been married for over 7 years. He's still my best friend, and I love him to death.
We had a very vanilla sex life in the beginning. I was his first partner and I think he was scared of doing something wrong or that would upset me. It was good, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't kinky.
Then about a year or two before we got married, his sex drive started to slow down a TON. I talked to him about how it made me feel unwanted when I always had to initiate it, and I even tried bringing up kink to spice things up, but it didn't do anything. He just wasn't interested.
For a LONG time, I thought maybe he was ACE or something. It was obvious that everything else in our relationship stayed the same, and that he still loved me, we just weren't intimate anymore. He never snuck off or tried to hide anything, and I was never worried. I just learned to deal with things on my own.
I got a lot of toys. I watched a lot of (bad) porn. Then I started exploring and fantasizing about kink. I read a LOT of smut, did a lot of research on sites like kinktalk, and just dealt with things on my own. I stopped trying to initiate because it was obvious he didn't want it and it made him uncomfortable. The last time we tried to have sex (on our honeymoon) he couldn't even keep it up long enough to finish. I figured he was just trying to make me happy...and that he really just wasn't interested in the sex, so I let it go.
He knew I had toys. He knew I masturbated and I'd hinted at the kink exploration multiple times in many ways. He just genuinely didn't seem interested, and I honestly think his mind was so far away from sex that my "hints" weren't obvious enough for him to pick up on anyways.
Fast forward 7 years: we find out he has had a 2cm PITUITARY TUMOR the whole time, which was causing a massive overproduction of prolactin (like he almost started lactating...for real), and had caused his testosterone levels to drop through the FLOOR. He didn't want sex or cuddling or anything physical because his hormones were a giant hot mess.
They started treating the tumor with medication to shrink it, and not too long ago his hormones started to normalize. He started wanting sex again...a LOT....Basically like going through a 2nd puberty. AND he wanted to cuddle, and kiss, and just be close. I honestly dont remember how long it had been since our last real kiss before the "first one" recently. I know it had been a long time.
I knew at that point we needed to have a serious conversation. Our sex life had always been so vanilla in the past, but while I'd been dealing with my own sexual needs on my own over the last 7 or 8 years I'd learned a LOT about myself, my desires, and my kinks....and I wanted more than just vanilla sex. I was terrified to share some of those desires and kinks with him because I was so worried he would judge me, but I should have known better. He loves me just like I love him, and not only was he open to listening, but he was actually excited about it.
The more we talk about it and discuss things we'd like to try, the more comfortable and confident he gets. We've talked about consent, and about how we shouldn't be scared to try things because if the other person doesn't want/like something we will be open and honest about it, without judgment.
I was TERRIFIED to tell him exactly how deep my kink exploration has gone. Words like "humiliation" and "exposure" and "pain" and "pictures on the internet" were so hard to say...but I laid it all out for him anyways because I wanted us to truly be on the same page.
And his response has been nothing short of amazing. Not only has he been willing to explore with me....but he's done his own research and found things that HE WOULD like to try. If you asked me a year ago if I thought he'd take pictures of me tied up and post them on the internet I would have laughed at your face....but he's been so willing to explore my kinks right along with me, and has even found he also gets pleasure from a lot of them too....and that's just been huge for us. He's been open and honest with me about what he likes, doesnt like, and maybe wants to eventually try....and he's so much more confident than he ever was before. I believe a lot of that confidence comes from knowing I'm not going to judge him, but he could probably share more about that.
Honestly @KpopPunkKink I hope you respond to this post and talk about how all of this has been for you, because it could help someone feel more comfortable sharing their kinks with their significant other after hearing it from your perspective.
Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are still exploring and still learning, and we are in the very beginning stages of exploring kink TOGETHER.....but the big thing I've found so far is that open and honest communication has absolutely been the key. You really have to put yourself out there and take that chance, but it's so worth the risk. I'm SO GLAD I told him everything, and I'm so excited to see what the future has in store for us.
Also, if you used to like sex and you suddenly stop wanting it, please go to the doctor and don't be embarrassed to talk about it. Make sure you don’t have a brain tumor. lol
Anyways, hopefully this inspires someone else out there to open up to their significant other about their kinks and desires, so yall can enjoy the kinky married life too. ❤