Porn conditioning

[subbysecret]

Up until 2017 I considered myself 100% straight and 90% dominant.

I consumed SO MUCH female bondage and BDSM porn, "slutwear" fetish and voyeur/nude in public/ENF content... I was aware of men cross dressing and sissy fetish but never deep dived into it.

One day at work (while I was having something of a crisis) I decided I had to punish myself by cross dressing and spending so much time for X number of work uncompleted by a certain self-imposed deadline... And suddenly a whole new side of myself opened up.

Since then my interest in and collection of sissy/feminisation porn has grown massively... To the point where I now get more turned on by that than I do the traditional porn I spent my 20's and most of my 30's jacking off to... I'm not sure if it's age related or porn addiction but I'm also struggling to be erect with my very vanilla wife the past couple of years... I can get it up but I struggle to keep it, and I find my mind wandering more and more to situations where I'm feminised rather than thinking sexy things about her... She's never been horny often and it's even less so now she's going through age-related changes as her menstrual cycles are starting to wind down and becoming completely erratic.

The sensible thing to do would be to quit porn (and sell the femme outfits hidden at the back of my wardrobe) but I would always rather fuck myself up even more...

I'm trying to get the hang of self-denial but I can never get edging right and while I'm alone working from home, I often find myself distracted with Kinktalk or porn and desperate to cum...

So I came up with a system to make things worse for myself.

Now before I start to masturbate, I have to flip a coin.
Heads three times in a row and I can choose female bondage porn, but just a single tails dooms me to having to look at something more open minded...
Then I have to flip again; heads and I get to at least jack off to femdom porn. Tails and it's yet another flip.
Heads this time earns me sissy-on-sissy porn, while tails means I'm a complete faggot and have to find porn of a sissy being used and abused by a real man...

Four days in and I haven't seen any female porn since I started which is both concerning and incredibly arousing

 

[subbysecret]

A week in and no orgasms to female porn so far...

I've flipped a single heads a couple of times but the next flip has been tails both times and that's as close as I've gotten, even though I am still collecting female starring porn (including some I haven't seen before of Ashley Renee and Jewel Marceau)...

 

[Naughty nova]

When I am with my husband and he isn't getting the job done I imagine my Daddy Dom in the corner of the room watching me and telling me be a good girl no cummies for hubby. That always gets my motor running and I have to fight not to cum. Maybe something like that would help you with wife. Imagine a Dom in the car or holding your panties as a prize if you do a good job.

 

[subbysecret]

When I am with my husband and he isn't getting the job done I imagine my Daddy Dom in the corner of the room watching me and telling me be a good girl no cummies for hubby. That always gets my motor running and I have to fight not to cum. Maybe something like that would help you with wife. Imagine a Dom in the car or holding your panties as a prize if you do a good job.

I LOVE this! Quite often I imagine my wife and I swapping bodies or roles, especially when she's on her knees sucking my dick... THEN I can keep it up...

Yesterday, finally, I managed to flip three heads in a row!

I added another coin flip to the rules to determine whether I am allowed to cum or not... Heads again!

Finally I rolled my dice to decide which page of my Imagefap favourites I got to cum to (using the mobile beta) and they decided on page 11 where this very, very old favourite of mine resides https://www.imagefap.com/photo/670684309/

I haven't thought about Bella in a very long time, this whole set was one of the first internet bondage galleries I found and I couldn't believe something I'd fantasised about my whole teens (right down to tying up and whipping her tits!) had been made real... I still need to get a hold of the video, but I had a really nice orgasm yesterday

 

[Naughty nova]

I LOVE this! Quite often I imagine my wife and I swapping bodies or roles, especially when she's on her knees sucking my dick... THEN I can keep it up...

Yesterday, finally, I managed to flip three heads in a row!

I added another coin flip to the rules to determine whether I am allowed to cum or not... Heads again!

Finally I rolled my dice to decide which page of my Imagefap favourites I got to cum to (using the mobile beta) and they decided on page 11 where this very, very old favourite of mine resides https://www.imagefap.com/photo/670684309/

I haven't thought about Bella in a very long time, this whole set was one of the first internet bondage galleries I found and I couldn't believe something I'd fantasised about my whole teens (right down to tying up and whipping her tits!) had been made real... I still need to get a hold of the video, but I had a really nice orgasm yesterday

That's awesome

 

[subbysecret]

No female porn since Bella, four edges and two orgasms to sissy porn, and three of those sessions have been over images of sissies taking cock... SO horny, so hard continuing to think of myself as straight...

Part of me is thinking maybe I want a sissy to play with, while a larger part wants to be the sissy...

I wonder when the coin will allow me to cum again?

Edit; not today, but I do get to edge to female porn, finally... Page 8 of my Imagefap favourites... Hope I can control myself today or I'm going to be REALLY frustrated...

Do you think I should roll again to see how many edges I need to achieve? And if so, one die or two?

 

[subbysecret]

Since my two previous attempts at Locktober haven't gone so well - it's difficult without a cage and my wife not being into any kind of kink and enforcing my abstinence or wanting sex midway through - I am half wondering about using my porn conditioning and instead calling it "Cocktober".

For the entire month, no porn featuring females; instead I flip a coin to see if I edge to shemale / sissy porn with a real man fucking her or she's on her own, but always with a dick (preferably locked).

And every day I fail to hold my cummy in while I edge adds another day before I get to look at female porn again...

I'm also considering starting with one edge on day one, then increasing by an extra edge each day... God, imagine trying to get to 31 days of consecutive edging without accidentally spurting... It might take me FOREVER

Do you think I should impose those rules on myself, and will I still be straight if and when I ever see the day where I can edge 31 times without cumming?

 

[Naughty nova]

That sounds very interesting. Could you use rope or shoestring to make a sort of cage tie your cock to your balls when you are not around your wife or edging

 

[subbysecret]

That sounds very interesting. Could you use rope or shoestring to make a sort of cage tie your cock to your balls when you are not around your wife or edging

Thank you, yes, I probably can.

I've had a tied up orgasm before, that was pretty painful, so I think would definitely help with controlling myself

 

[subbysecret]

First week has been a fail... Can't master edging, I tried on Tuesday and on Friday but every single time I stop when I feel the orgasm starting to happen but my aroused dicklet keeps throbbing and leaks a pearl of cum...

And then my wife woke me up yesterday with a hand job to return the favour after I gave her head after her shower on Saturday morning...

I'm going to tie myself up shortly now I'm home alone but Locktober is obviously going to last an extra week now, and longer probably until I can learn to keep my cum inside me... Will I ever see female porn ever again?!?

 

[subbysecret]

Damn it, ouch Painful squirty ruined cummy, failed again

 

[subbysecret]

This secretary sissy I want to be is far too sexy