Private Messaging for Dummies

[Doctor Pervert]

Wow, thank you master1 for an honest and very revealing response!
It does explain a lot if the sum total of your real life experience is so limited, if all you know about girls and bdsm is learned online then you have received a very biased and largely apocryphal view.

Contrary to what you may read or see most women online are exactly the same as in real life, they will respond just as badly to inappropriate behavior. Granted you won't get the same "in your face" rejection but neither will you get any further with them. In fact what usually happens is they just go away, you lose, they lose and the reputation of boards like this suffer yet again.
Remember that for many they are very nervous and unsure, they join seeking to find out more but all too often before they get any proper contact they are assaulted via pm.

And don't confuse role play with real play, what subs are willing to actually do in real life and what they fantasize about are often very different things. Intro's from newbies offering "no limits" play but no pics or vids you can pretty much assume are really after role play. I mean seriously, someone who is willing to do anything at all except show you a pic? Pretty low on the "anything" scale isn't it?

Be realistic, if what you say in a pm is something you wouldn't say in person then retract it, don't hit send. This isn't a video game, the other people are actually people, spend some time getting to know them and you may find you get a lot further.

 

[master1]

I do agree with every thing you just said, but i already know all this. like i said i have outgrown the aggressive messages, but i was only able to do that after i accepted the fact that "Yes I am incredibly desperate." Unfortunately there are not a whole lot of girls looking into desperate AND inexperienced men. I feel like this is what creates the biggest problem. When we write these messages we are trying our best to either sound like we have done this before or we at least know what we are doing. Unfortunately those who know nothing can only display nothing. That is when we take a few things into account.
1) this is a website where people meet to plan, do, or talk about naughty things openly. This is a big factor. It is what makes us feel comfortable being direct.

2) Women constantly put their contact info and pics all over this site. To us it is seemingly direct, so in turn we feel that being just as if not more direct is an appropriate response.

3) (depending on how long they have been doing this) I talked like this to the last girl i was with and i got at least 2 or 3 pics and one vid. If i do it the same i may get more.

These are probably the biggest factors in all. There are probably more that i just cant think of at the moment, but i think i got my point across......??? Either way im trying to say: We know they are real girls, but with evidence (or lack thereof depending) shown to us and the added fear of being ridiculed for our desperation we chose this aggressive path that can sometimes be a little rewarding for at least a day.

Talking about all this is bringing back memories of when i first started out. The sub had left her kik open so i had messaged her. I started with "Hello I got your kik from kink talk do you have a master?" The message had the little R and check mark for five days then i finally decided to delete the conversation and try someone new. This time starting with "Hello my new bitch!! First I need to see your pussy then your tits." I got results for at leas 2 hours. Then she stopped talking again. Since then i kept shifting it around. Sometimes nicer sometimes more aggressive and i almost always tried to learn their kinks and put them to good use. Only a few ever talked to me longer than a day. Only 3 longer than a week. Only 1 longer than a year. That 1 had stopped being a sub but she still remained a good friend. I don't know what i did, or how i did it. Then i just stopped coming to kink talk and removed kik for a while. I only came back recently and I changed how I went about everything. Now i am showing more of a desperate side on the website. In the relationship advice under the sec talk thing I put a post that talks about how i am a virgin and why i really want to lose it. That at least got me a girl who became another nice friend or possibly more if i suddenly become rich enough to board a plane to somewhere. As for how i approach subs I start nicer which helps some but only for so long still. One girl actually approached me recently from here and things were going well until i guess her internet cut off or something. All my messages just showed an S so i was panicking a bit. I couldn't wait forever so I deleted all i was trying to send. Then i came up with a long winded task and said i needed to sleep so i sent that to her. Then for a few days it kept those S's up until finally they turned into a D then an R, and i am still waiting for some sort of response. I sent a "Hello?" but it is still sitting with the S next to it.

Wow i typed a lot more than i planned to. I just get caught up in typing and writing the full story. I'm just gonna leave it there. Maybe I should try writing sexual stories some time. Of course i would edit the stories more.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

1) this is a website where people meet to plan, do, or talk about naughty things openly. This is a big factor. It is what makes us feel comfortable being direct.

2) Women constantly put their contact info and pics all over this site. To us it is seemingly direct, so in turn we feel that being just as if not more direct is an appropriate response.

3) (depending on how long they have been doing this) I talked like this to the last girl i was with and i got at least 2 or 3 pics and one vid. If i do it the same i may get more.
more.

Perhaps this is a good a place as any to discuss these points you raise and what is likely happening. And I m not addressing this to you personally but more generally.
First up you are of course correct in that there is a lot of open trash talk on this and other similar sites but that doesn't mean your opening line to someone you have never spoken to before should be in the same style.
Second there are scammers who post provocative messages encouraging trash talk and extreme behavior towards them, however as I mentioned previously a lot of this is either fantasy or simply trolls looking for dirty talk. Often these will be guys who simply get off on the nasty chat which is why they disappear after a few chats, they either get bored or more often exposed.
Third, these "girls" who send a couple of photos and maybe a vid are often just a slightly more organised troll who has a stash of pics and vids they have collected and then try to pass them off as themselves.

Just because these trolls and scammers make it look like trash talking to subs is ok, it isn't.

Which brings me back to the original point of this thread, that sending unsolicited (that means they didn't ask for it) trash talk pm's to female members IS NOT OK.
If they have invited it in a post or a pm to you then run with it but if you have never seen anything from them suggesting they want this kind of thing DO NOT send them a pm that opens with "Hey slut yr mine!".

 

[master1]

Again completely agree. However i never thought when i first started that they could or would be scammers. Then again it is very difficult to think clearly in the heat of the moment. Plus not all beginners will automatically know that scammers will appear on this site.

Im gonna throw in what my first visit to the site was like. Hopefully it'll add something, or tell you something that might be a part of the problem. I really hope this doesn't get me banned or anything. Right now I am 19, but when i first joined kink talk ........ i was 16. I am quite sure though that i am not the only one who has done this. In fact the most pretentious aggressive pm-er's are probably douchey kids of that age. They feel these feelings but they can't get any "help" from anyone near them so they look for free hookup-ish sites. They find this one and probably many others. Then read through all the first stuff they see for each site, and then monkey see monkey do. The outcome wont always be the same but it usually isn't very kind either.

Back to the scammers. Not everyone is going to so easily assume something is a scam on a site like this. Especially if the scam is really good. You can spot them a mile away on something like omegle, but when comparing horny fuel to horny fuel the lines get blurred.

Maybe an instructional video or something should be made to help explain all this. I know you probably have a BEGINNERS START HERE post somewhere but honestly not everyone will read that. they will reply with the standard "hey im new" and move on. Some wont even have the courtesy to reply to that post. You could also make it so that a newbie cannot access the site or at least send pm's without seeing the video at least once.

Oh uh if you have to ban this account would it be ok if i made a new one with the correct info?