Punishment Psychology & Technique

[Blade]

I've read a lot about different techniques for administering punishment in a loving relationship and was wondering if these are effective in real working relationships.

Here are a couple of the things I have heard. Do you think they are valuable tools? I'm curious how what people think about these things.

Maintenance spankings
Spankings given on a regular basis (like once a week). These are given despite behavior or performance and work to enforce the submissives role and keep them feeling loved. During this time the submissive confesses the weeks missteps and is given tips by the dom. The severity of the spanking depends on the level of correction needed but is given even in periods of good behavior.

Spank until the sub cries
Some argue for punishments you should spank the sub partner until they cry. This signifies giving up all control to the dom as the sub is giving up their emotions in this act. I've read of some people who do this on a weekly basis as a maintenance spanking.

 

[tempered_sugar]

The severity of the spanking depends on the level of correction needed but is given even in periods of good behavior.

I have a slight problem with this personally. If a sub has been good why give them the same response as when they have been bad? Ok the "severity" changes but I feel this gives mixed messages: "You've been good but you're getting the same treatment as when you have been naughty.

I am slightly biased as spanking is never used as a punishment for me because I enjoy it too much. I usually get a punishment totally separated from pain or any kind of "play" as I enjoy pain so much. My one last night was to stand in the corner for 30 mins to think about what I'd done. However I do like the idea of getting a weekly spanking but that’s just because I'd happily get one everyday if I could

I really like the idea of the sub being given the time each week to talk over any little things they have done wrong, but personally feel that the punishment should be given after it has been talked over not during it. This way things are separated more and bad things can be punished and good rewarded more clearly. Maybe some "down time" a week is a good idea, like setting a certain amount of time for the sub to reflect on the week then reporting back with anything that was bad behaviour or anything they feel they have done well in etc.

I see what you're saying about the whole crying thing and know that this can be an amazing release for the sub as well as them putting their emotions in the Dominants hands. However if spanking is used as a punishment I'm guessing the sub doesn't enjoy it much so maybe spanking to the point of tears is a bit much? I'm not 100% sure on this one and think it defiantly depends on the individual. I know some subs cry when they get into subspace and the pain or feelings are over whelming, although still within their pleasure zone. I just think if someone isn't a fan of spanking and is pushed with it to the point of crying it could do more damage than good when it comes to punishment.

I'd much rather my Master gave me the time to talk to him calmly instead of during a spanking when I could be likely to blurt anything out because I'm so cought up in it, just sounds like a kind of forced confession to me, if that makes sense. Although I do know there is a difference between a nice caressing spank and a full on thudding one I keep going back to it sending a mixed signal.

I think all of this does depend on the individual though but defiantly feel good and bad behaviour should be kept separate so they can be rewarded and punished in the most effective way.

 

[Dementyia]

Well said Tempered_Sugar, I couldn't agree more.

I too, believe that a punishment should be separate from a reward, even if both are spankings, being of differing types or intensities.

 

[aika]

A maintenance spanking reminds the sub who's boss, in a way. A BDSM relationship would get boring if the sub was so well behaved they never deserved a punishment.

 

[tempered_sugar]

Yes I agree that if the sub was perfectly hehaved it would take away the challenge etc. But this is talking about spanking if they have done something wrong or not, as I said in my post it sends mixed signals in my opinion. However a loveing spank, not connected with punishment once a week I think would be really good to keep the Dom/sub connection strong as a hand spanking from someone is a very intimate thing

 

[aika]

I think I agree that maintenance spankings should be much softer.

 

[TensionRoom101]

If I feel the need to punish a submissive through violence I consider myself a failure as a Dom, so I certainly don't engage in maintenance beatings.

Mike

 

[sum1]

Indeed. For me a punishment should be about making the sub see what they've done wrong, how they've displeased me and usually giving them an opportunity to think of why they shouldn't do t again.

I usually hate giving punishments finding them very difficult. The only time that i don't mind giving punishments is when they are needed because the sub has done something that may hurt themselves.

With spankings, as aforementioned, my little one enjoys spanking far too much to ever be used as a punishment.

 

[aika]

I think a spanking and a beating are two completely different things.

A spanking can be enjoyable and sexual, a beating tends to be a lot less enjoyable for the recipient.

 

[Merlin]

we may have a different idea of beating ... but if i would have to beat a sub or slave then i would do something really wrong. Don't see why someone should even consider that...
(beating for me means using brutal force with the intention to hurt the other one...)

Edit: On the other Hand i like to spank others ... spanking has nothing to do with violence

 

[pheinbaugh2]

i'm game for fun but i don't think pain would term me on.

 

[SubMissChievous]

I must admit that I don't care much for these types of "punishments". Very often punishments scenes involving spankings & such are usually more "play punishments" & more or less wanted by the sub. And I often find that doms who use spankings or painful punishments in general don't really seem to know what they want to achieve with it. Or either they just feel like having their way with the sub with no valid motive behind it.

Just like tempered_sugar, the use of spankings as a punishment for me would be totally irrelevent because I like them much. But even a punishment involving "bad pain" would be just as ineffective. I agree with sum1 that a punishment should allow a sub to think about what he/she has done wrong. The way I see it the best punishments are the ones where you can realize what was done wrong, find ways to avoid repeating the same mistake over again & make up for what was done wrong.

 

[Hampers]

I personally find the threat of punishment works much better in controlling a sub than an actual punishment...

 

[tempered_sugar]

Hummm it can do but if you are threatening them with pain then some how I don't like it. "If you are bad I'll spank you till you cry" (in the case of this thread). It sounds really aggressive and nasty and if a Dom threatened me with that I have to say I'd probably walk away.

I am not a four year old I can be told that I am in danger of crossing a line and that crossing it will result in the displeasure of the Dom. Just knowing the Dom isn't pleased is enough to stop me in my tracks. Although like a four year old I sometimes get "the look" which works just as well

 

[TensionRoom101]

If a sub likes to be spanked then it is not a punishment, it's a treat.

If they don't like to be spanked, and they've done no wrong, then it's not a punishment, it's abuse.

Mike

 

[sum1]

Although like a four year old I sometimes get "the look" which works just as well

Just be thankful that I've never had to use "the voice". If used at full power it bring you closer to tears than a spanking would.

We seem to have got caught up with spanking as a form of punishment and how that doesn't work. But the title of the tread is far broader.

As i said before, for me a punishment should be about allowing the sub to realise that you're displeased with them and give them a chance to think about what they did wrong.

The last punishment i had to give my little one involved her firstly writing an email of apology, which had to be a certain length minimum. I find these good as it means she has to take time out form other things sit down and think about what she's done and what she's saying. It also means that by emailing it to me, we both have a copy for future reference.

The second part of the punishment was to stand in the corner of her room for half an hour thinking about what she had done.

 

[tempered_sugar]

Just be thankful that I've never had to use "the voice". If used at full power it bring you closer to tears than a spanking would.

So going to be a good girl then.

 

[aika]

If a sub likes to be spanked then it is not a punishment, it's a treat.

And one I enjoy giving

 

[Strawberry]

You people should stop being such pussies... For some violence works, for some it doesn't.
I love pain, and I love cruelty to some extent. That doesn't make my Dom a failure at all.. Everyone just have different dynamics, and different things that work for them.

Also... I'm tired of people saying that if a sub/slaves does whatever she doesnt like, it's abuse. It's not abuse unless she feels abused.. And I asume that most people have the brains to tell if there's something that truly goes beyond their limits... Being a slave isn't muffin and candyland for everyone. Some subs and slave like to do whatever their Dom/Master wants them to... EVEN if they don't like it. And some don't. It doesn't make either more right or wrong. it just makes them different.

So here's my cry to you all: STOP being pussies, and accept that there are people that are different.

Thankyou

 

[Merlin]

You people should stop being such pussies... For some violence works, for some it doesn't.
I love pain, and I love cruelty to some extent. That doesn't make my Dom a failure at all.. Everyone just have different dynamics, and different things that work for them.

Of course i even share your opinion there is absolutely nothing wrong with pain and cruelty i like to use pain and i can be cruel some times, but you are saying yourself "to some extent". I think what got wrong here is the question where "spanking" stops and beating starts. And this can be really different from one person to another... For some this may be bruises for others broken legs or arms...

Also... I'm tired of people saying that if a sub/slaves does whatever she doesnt like, it's abuse. It's not abuse unless she feels abused..

Yeah again right i think the important part here is how does the sub feel after it.

And I asume that most people have the brains to tell if there's something that truly goes beyond their limits...

I am afraid you are wrong here ... although it would be good if it was the case. Some will not say anything because they think it is not right to criticize their master. Some will fear to make him mad. Some wont even feel that they crossed this line for a long time...

Being a slave isn't muffin and candyland for everyone. Some subs and slave like to do whatever their Dom/Master wants them to... EVEN if they don't like it. And some don't. It doesn't make either more right or wrong. it just makes them different.

It doesn't even make them different ... You say that they like to do these things ... meaning they are not doing something they don't like. No problem with that

Again (at least i) am talking about things that let the slave feel bad after it is done, and not about things that are unpleasant at the moment they take place. And this is very individual.
I see the difference between a spanking and a beating in one point: control. Spanking means the master is in control of what he is doing, Beating means he just wants to inflict pain without controlling himself, and that is wrong!