erm....this thread was originally asking for peoples opinions on maintenance spanking so people were giving it. I think calling people pussies because of there opinions is also not accepting that people are different.
Of course i even share your opinion there is absolutely nothing wrong with pain and cruelty i like to use pain and i can be cruel some times, but you are saying yourself "to some extent". I think what got wrong here is the question where "spanking" stops and beating starts. And this can be really different from one person to another... For some this may be bruises for others broken legs or arms...
Yeah again righti think the important part here is how does the sub feel after it.
I am afraid you are wrong here ... although it would be good if it was the case. Some will not say anything because they think it is not right to criticize their master. Some will fear to make him mad. Some wont even feel that they crossed this line for a long time...
It doesn't even make them different ... You say that they like to do these things ... meaning they are not doing something they don't like. No problem with that
Again (at least i) am talking about things that let the slave feel bad after it is done, and not about things that are unpleasant at the moment they take place. And this is very individual.
I see the difference between a spanking and a beating in one point: control. Spanking means the master is in control of what he is doing, Beating means he just wants to inflict pain without controlling himself, and that is wrong!
I said "Most people"
Now I don't know everyone, but I've met many people who actually know how to say no.Anyway.. i'd like to say that sometimes I have some *etreme* Fantasies, that I wouldn't be afraid to try out in RL... Most of you would call it Abuse.. I'd call it thrill.
So what I'm saying.. Yes.. if the sessions have consequenses for the sub that are bad and maybe even traumatic.. It IS abuse... You do think in life you improve your happiness and desires.. I don't get why some people are together with guys that really hurt them in a way that isn't good. But you can't put any limits on where the line goes... Some even experiment with extreme Asphyxiation.. SOme would call it abuse.. Some would call it stupid.. But if it's right for the couple, you have no right to judge or feel better than them.
I have desires that most people would cringe at and call abuse.. But for me it wouldn't be abuse.. not at all.. And for me, all the softy/caring sub-is-in-control just isn't for me. It's nice that we have Doms that constantly worry about the sub's comfy state... but for me it would be annoying and a sign of weakness. I like it rough simply put... Very rough... Trust me.. if you think that a spanking till the sub cries is bad.. Don't even THINK about seeing what goes on in my had.
All this isn't directly aimed at you, Merlin
Just putting my thoughts out there so people KNOW that there are different people than them.
Um.. It's not an opinion if people make them sound as if it is fact... Which they did.. There is a difference between saying:
"Spanking subs too much is abuse"
and:
"It would be abuse if someone spanked me too much"
Because the only truth for people is their own truth.. I feel really insulted when people make their way seem like the right way...
My kink is not your kink, but it's ok.
Well their way is the right way for them, but I agree people need to make it more about their opinion than making out its fact which is something I try not to do. Don't be insulted by it if I let everything people say get to me I'd just cry all the time People will never agree with each other especially over things to do with BDSM, variety is the spice of life
I think people have just forgotten that the original post was asking opinion on a certain way of useing spanking in a relationship, some would see it as abuse some won't. Which is what I said in my original post, everyone is different.
People will never agree with each other especially over things to do with BDSM, variety is the spice of life I think people have just forgotten that the original post was asking opinion on a certain way of useing spanking in a relationship, some would see it as abuse some won't. Which is what I said in my original post, everyone is different.
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I think you've got the wrong end of the stick here. What this was originally about was spanking and pain being used as punishment, and what was being said that there were far better ways to punish a sub than using spanking.
As you say yourself, you love pain, therefore anything pain related would make a terrible punishment for you, it would be far far far too much of a treat.
Going on about abuse is rather off topic.
From the first post;
So actually for me little one, the thread is even broader than that. For me, it uses spanking as an example of punishments and is looking for ideas about how punishments can be administered in a broader context
I think spanking can be used as a punishment without being abuse.
For simplicity, say the amount of spanks that your sub partner would enjoy was X spanks.
If you give them, say, X + 50 spanks you can hardly call it abuse, but the slave will learn that she doesn't want that to happen again and will therefore have been successfully punished, especially if she can't sit down the next day, naming no names
For simplicity, say the amount of spanks that your sub partner would enjoy was X spanks.
If you give them, say, X + 50 spanks you can hardly call it abuse, but the slave will learn that she doesn't want that to happen again and will therefore have been successfully punished, especially if she can't sit down the next day, naming no names
If they enjoy X spanks then I'm guessing they enjoy spanking. So why would +50 change that. Like I have said before you are just giving them something they enjoy but more of it. You would have to go very high for it to go out of my pleasure zone and if Mr P deliberatly went out of his way to hurt me I wouldn't be at all impressed and I'd be extremly upset he had turned something I enjoy into something I would potentially fear.
My ass is bright purple right now from a really intense spanking from 4 days ago. I really don't think 50 more would become a punishment then. I think 50 less as a punishment would maybe more effective for me
um.. Well I wasn't aiming this specifically at you.... So don't get so mean
Anyway.. I'm just expressing my feelings based on something some people have said here... Also, so what if it's offtopic? Offtopicness is the beauty of conversations
One example I had in mind when I wrote this was one "punishment" (it was rather a "consequence" in that particular context) that I received a while ago with my then-Master. I had accepted a task but completely botched it on purpose when came time to do it because it made me feel a bit too uncomfortable. I had then to re-do it once a day until I got it right. May sound very simple but trust me I wasn't pleased at 1st about having to do it over & over (it took me 4 days I believe). But once it was finally done I felt much better as I had made up for my mistake. The thing is that I personally am the type of sub who will feel very bad whenI do something wrong so much so that even these bad feelings are a mental self-punishment for me. So having a chance to make up makes it less dramatic.
So in the context of this thread a spanking would not work as I like it a lot. And anything involving "bad pain" would not help me making up at all. It could perhaps work short term only but would not allow me to make up & find ways to improve myself.
So in the context of this thread a spanking would not work as I like it a lot. And anything involving "bad pain" would not help me making up at all. It could perhaps work short term only but would not allow me to make up & find ways to improve myself.
Agreeing with Tension
I have to agree with TensionRoom on this one.
Physical violence should never be used as punishment. I know the following might be a bit hard to understand, but bear with me.
As a dom, I believe in punishments that fit the crime. If you are spanking someone for not letting the dog out, what have they learned? Probably nothing, because they're sitting on your knee being spanked either thinking about how much it hurts, how aroused they're getting, or what they could be doing if they weren't being spanked. Instead, perhaps something like a rule that requires them to beg to use the toilet and then denial of the toilet (while you're in a BDSM/messy safe environment) for an entire day, forcing them to use their pants (or diaper?) would be more productive. It does keep them thinking about why they are being punished.
This isn't the best example, but often you can refer to this as negative reinforcement. Negative reinforcement is kind of tricky and can contain many different aspects, but the one I'm talking about is mainly a decrease in certain behavior due to the removal of certain stimuli, or introduction to slightly unpleasant stimuli. In this case, both were administered, slightly unpleasant: using your pants, removal: allowed use of bathroom.
A slave/sub should never feel compelled to complete your requests based on fear of beatings. It only breeds mistrust, which is the most harmful thing that can enter a relationship.
In my personal experience, the threat of a punishment is often enough to keep one in line. However, should a punishment be needed, it should be something menial that reinforces the good behavior and makes the sub think. Sometimes, I find, for an unruly sub, the best punishment is just hearing the disappointment in your voice, followed by no punishment at all.
Ciao.
-M
I have to agree with TensionRoom on this one.
Physical violence should never be used as punishment. I know the following might be a bit hard to understand, but bear with me.
As a dom, I believe in punishments that fit the crime. If you are spanking someone for not letting the dog out, what have they learned? Probably nothing, because they're sitting on your knee being spanked either thinking about how much it hurts, how aroused they're getting, or what they could be doing if they weren't being spanked. Instead, perhaps something like a rule that requires them to beg to use the toilet and then denial of the toilet (while you're in a BDSM/messy safe environment) for an entire day, forcing them to use their pants (or diaper?) would be more productive. It does keep them thinking about why they are being punished.
This isn't the best example, but often you can refer to this as negative reinforcement. Negative reinforcement is kind of tricky and can contain many different aspects, but the one I'm talking about is mainly a decrease in certain behavior due to the removal of certain stimuli, or introduction to slightly unpleasant stimuli. In this case, both were administered, slightly unpleasant: using your pants, removal: allowed use of bathroom.
A slave/sub should never feel compelled to complete your requests based on fear of beatings. It only breeds mistrust, which is the most harmful thing that can enter a relationship.
In my personal experience, the threat of a punishment is often enough to keep one in line. However, should a punishment be needed, it should be something menial that reinforces the good behavior and makes the sub think. Sometimes, I find, for an unruly sub, the best punishment is just hearing the disappointment in your voice, followed by no punishment at all.
Ciao.
-M
Hummm for a start toilet play is one of my limits so if it was used as a punishment it would go way too far. I think also people who aren't into it in general have it as one of their limits, if this is the case useing it as punishment in my opinion is just outright wrong. If someone is into toilet play then wouldn't they kind of enjoy this? Not many people have scat in their "soft limits" list its either yes or no in my experiance.
I just feel this is a pretty odd punishment as it humiliates, degrades and I would think make the sub very upset if this isn't something they are into. However the idea of having to ask to use the toilet and maybe being made to wait a little bit I think is a good idea. Its just the useing their pants part that I personally don't think is. I think this is personal but not sure many subs would take this punishment well and think it would to more harm than good in a lot of cases. Oh and who wants a stinky sub walking round the house? I'd say the Dom was getting a punishment there as well.
Totally agree with this and this knowing the Dom is disapointed in my behavior is the worst punishment by far. No diaper needed just let me here the tone in his voice change and I'll get the message just fine.
I'm sorry, in my theoretical world everyone is okay with everything for the sake of argument, but you're absolutely right. The dom should NEVER cross the limits of the sub, unless asked to try to expand limits, and then it should be done gradually. That's rule one of Safe, Sane, Consensual.
-M
-M
No need to apologise Your post just got me to thinking about your example as a punishment is all and was just talking about how that would work with me, nothing personal. As I said you made good points just one that I didn't agree with
Your post just got me to thinking about your example as a punishment is all and was just talking about how that would work with me, nothing personal. As I said you made good points just one that I didn't agree with
The only good punishment for me would include non-painful and non-humiliating things... Such as chores.. I truly, honestly hate chores...
Or sometimes he threatens me with using this... numbing stuff that he has(same as dentists)... i SERIOUSLY hate that feeling.. I'd rather die 300 times before experiencing that again >_< so yea..
Or sometimes he threatens me with using this... numbing stuff that he has(same as dentists)... i SERIOUSLY hate that feeling.. I'd rather die 300 times before experiencing that again >_< so yea..
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