Safewording

[Purple_S]

So, I don't tend to safeword a lot. This was a new relation with someone "experienced". I've been in the lifestyle for years myself.

The session was okay ish, you know those people that are ALWAYS right. He was one of those. I didn't feel like I could ask questions and such and I'm a strong woman.

Well what led me to safewording was that nipple clamps were on for like 40 mins and not adjusted or anything.

When safeworded was first with are you okay but led to, you led to this, I didn't know. A bunch of excuses a newbie 'dom' would use. Eventually led to, you caused this. Hope you learnt, after nipples hurting hours later with no experience in it for at least a year or so. (Hurt for 2 days btw)

Obviously I left him as gaslighting isn't my thing but thinking he is still being an "experienced dom" on here is sickening

 

[DiscoveryofSelf]

First off this sounds like a terrible experience and its unfortunate you had to endure it.
I'm just curious on a few things:
Are you doing better now? Bad scenes can leave a nasty mark
Was this online or in person?
Did the scene completely shut down after using your safe word?

 

[Purple_S]

First off this sounds like a terrible experience and its unfortunate you had to endure it.
I'm just curious on a few things:
Are you doing better now? Bad scenes can leave a nasty mark
Was this online or in person?
Did the scene completely shut down after using your safe word?

Honestly I wasn't fine when safeworded. I wanted a safe place. When he couldn't provide one I provided own.

Online

It did shut down before what I perceive gaslighting

 

[subzzzero]

This is the type person I wish was outed online just as in real life local communities.
We have guys here locally who will make those same claims of “experience” their actions show opposite. Once that’s proven they are essentially blacklisted in the community. We would gladly welcome newcomers or those lacking experience. Be honest about it. We all started somewhere. But fake it til you make it is not the answer.

What pisses me off most in your situation is dude never took responsibility for it all. Even in the end it was hope you learned your lesson etc.
and even more so pissed when safeworded he had not provided proper aftercare and adjustment.

I know you’re experienced this next part isn’t directed at you. But for anyone new reading. The red yellow green works well.
A yellow to slow down, things are getting close or discuss and make adjustments. This helps before getting too far into an all stop red. Which if it happens is exactly that. An all stop and then supporting the sub as needed.

Doms or new want to be doms. Dont sign up for for the play part if you cannot provide the necessary support during and after. Be honest and if you don’t know something dont just wing it.

Subs. Vet your partners. Ask for references or at least lots of detailed answers specific to the concerns you have and the kinks you both are interested in pursuing.

I don’t know about the sites name and shame policy but at a minimum I would say to reach out to admin so that they are aware. Maybe if enough people do so we can have this person removed.

 

[J91]

@Thebrat I'm sorry you had that experience. Unfortunately any Dom/me who tries to blame you after safe wording is not looking out for your best interests and is not someone you can trust going forward.

I do feel like 40 minutes is a long time without a check in to see how the pain is going, which is why, as mentioned by Subzerro, the traffic light system works brilliantly for you to give a heads up about how you might me feeling in a particular scenario...but that relies on the Dom/me to actually care and make adjustments on your behalf for your comfort and enjoyment.

I do hope the experience hasn't left a mark on you, physical or otherwise.