She wants me to go more

[Dumbquestions]

My wife and i enjoy BDSM quite a bit. We have done bondage, spanking, slapping (light), toys etc but she recently told me i have not gotten close to how far she wants.

I have asked many times about what that meand and what the "limits" are but she replies with "I'm noy sure the limits, you haven't hit them yet.

I want to do more and go farther but dont want to break the line. I like enflicting some pain and not giving her a choice in when or or she gets pleasure or cums.

Any ideas of how to keep pushing the boundaries of extreme BDSM without crossing into the "rape" fantasy where nothing is about her?

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Hello and welcome.

From the sound of things you guys are hardly beginners, but outside of what you've done together do either of you have any other experience in bdsm? It sounds like you don't, in which case you are both simply poking around in the dark at this point.

The problem there is that you, as the dom don't know how to proceed and she as sub can't guide you in any meaningful way. And this is where you are now, things can stagnate and become repetitive leading to some frustration on both sides.
My advice here would be to try setting out a series of sessions to test out different scenarios. Within each one create multiple choices at points for her, three is ideal with a hard, medium and soft path. You don't need to go into full details about each but ensure she knows the main aspect she will be facing.
The soft path would be something familiar, while the medium and hard would lead to something new.
Allowing her a choice here will let you gauge just how adventurous she actually is. If over several sessions she picks the hard options then you will get a clear guide on how to proceed.

I can't help you with exactly what to try, you know her and I don't. You may need to sound her out by discussing specifics and see how she reacts, in my experience you'll likely be surprised at how open a lot of kinky women are. They just usually don't like to be the one taking the lead with new ideas, especially when they are submissive.

 

[subzzzero]

How far needs clarified. Have a discussion with her and have her share specifics. Maybe she read a book or saw a movie and it interests her to try it.


With impact play specifically you can just sit down and test with her outside of a session to see her limit. Start off easy or wherever you’ve already been. Then gradually with each hit go a little harder. Stopping after each to check on her and how it feels. You’ll need to test out all your dif implements this way. Stingy thuddy heavy light crops flogger paddle etc.

If you’re talking the other stuff then you need her to give you some sort of details so you can find a starting point.

Using the green yellow red approach helps a lot too. Yellow would let you know she’s ok but nearing a limit. Red is full stop. Green is alls good keep going.

 

[GentlemanDom]

I had a sub once who took a while to learn her limits. The agreement was that she would give me a green hello or red signal as we explored kinks and pushing limits. When I hit too hard she would say “yellow”…. If it wasn’t something she was comfortable with, she would say “Red”……it took a while, but it was a great way to learn limits that needed to be explored. Trying to think of everything and it’s limit up front is like trying to find your favorite dish at a restaurant by only looking at the menu once.