Slut unsure if she is a sub

[Matahari5]

I am a major cumslut. I have virtually tried everything at least once do most things a lot! I absolutely adore serving cock however I find that I have challenges with taking orders. I don't mind taking orders to a point but I don't enjoy being humiliated. I'm quite intelligent and sometimes wonder if that's why I can't cross the line into being a sub or not. Although I crave that alpha male that pulls me in. What do you think?

 

[subtlizer]

Hello, let me put it simply.
Humiliation is a kink, it does not define everything about being a sub. It is true that many subs likes being humiliated cause it gives them a sense of being under control of someone else.
But that does not mean, there are no other ways.

For ex. There are painslut as well. Who likes being in pain. But not ok with humiliation.
In my case i dont like ddlg but that does not mean those who are into ddlg are not sub.
Being a sub is just a desire for the feeling of being under someone else.
As long as you have that desire you are a sub.

The best thing for you to start with is those online bdsm tests. Sorry i dont remember the website but many here have done it and i am sure if people read my post someone can share the link to you.

Take the test. Post the result or look through it and see what you like most.

Its best to understand yourself. And see which kink you desire to go with.

 

[MasterMartin]

I am a major cumslut. I have virtually tried everything at least once do most things a lot! I absolutely adore serving cock however I find that I have challenges with taking orders. I don't mind taking orders to a point but I don't enjoy being humiliated. I'm quite intelligent and sometimes wonder if that's why I can't cross the line into being a sub or not. Although I crave that alpha male that pulls me in. What do you think?

As you seem to be new here i would also recommemd to just have a look on several posts here from females looking for tasks and thrir reports. By that you also will notice what kind of things you enjoy and what not.
But as above mentioned there are so many ways of beeing a submssive, there is not one general approach to cover it

 

[Matahari5]

Hello, let me put it simply.
Humiliation is a kink, it does not define everything about being a sub. It is true that many subs likes being humiliated cause it gives them a sense of being under control of someone else.
But that does not mean, there are no other ways.

For ex. There are painslut as well. Who likes being in pain. But not ok with humiliation.
In my case i dont like ddlg but that does not mean those who are into ddlg are not sub.
Being a sub is just a desire for the feeling of being under someone else.
As long as you have that desire you are a sub.

The best thing for you to start with is those online bdsm tests. Sorry i dont remember the website but many here have done it and i am sure if people read my post someone can share the link to you.

Take the test. Post the result or look through it and see what you like most.

Its best to understand yourself. And see which kink you desire to go with.

Thank you for that, no one's ever explained it that way to me or that I have an actual option to the humiliation part. To be honest is easier for me to define what I don't like because that's a much shorter list and that's I'm not really good at tasks per se that that go outside the bedroom, I'm not into severe pain but I don't mind some, and I'm not into humiliation.

 

[Matahari5]

As you seem to be new here i would also recommemd to just have a look on several posts here from females looking for tasks and thrir reports. By that you also will notice what kind of things you enjoy and what not.
But as above mentioned there are so many ways of beeing a submssive, there is not one general approach to cover it

I just explained to another it's easier for me to say what I don't like because it's a much or a list. I don't like those online tasks when they're bizarre or when someone's over the top demanding, I'm not into extreme pain but I will do some pain and I just don't like humiliation. But I love serving cock and will do most anything to make that cock happy.

 

[Xxxxx]

Hello, let me put it simply.
Humiliation is a kink, it does not define everything about being a sub. It is true that many subs likes being humiliated cause it gives them a sense of being under control of someone else.
But that does not mean, there are no other ways.

For ex. There are painslut as well. Who likes being in pain. But not ok with humiliation.
In my case i dont like ddlg but that does not mean those who are into ddlg are not sub.
Being a sub is just a desire for the feeling of being under someone else.
As long as you have that desire you are a sub.

The best thing for you to start with is those online bdsm tests. Sorry i dont remember the website but many here have done it and i am sure if people read my post someone can share the link to you.

Take the test. Post the result or look through it and see what you like most.

Its best to understand yourself. And see which kink you desire to go with.

I think this is the test you mentioned:

BDSMTest: The Original BDSM & Kink Test

Welcome to the original BDSM Test! Test your kinkiness and find out your kink archetype. Are you into Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission or Sadism & Masochism? BDSMTest will identify your preferences so you can play in consensual activities with others.

bdsmtest.org

 

[Dominant]

BDSM Test is quite accurate in a sense, but it's not definitive. Still, it might give you a better idea of what you like, even if it's by giving you percentages you have to interpret yourself.

Another interesting site is human sexmap, which isn't a "what am I?" quiz but more of a way to easily share to people what you (don't) like or wanna try. Also a good way to discover things you might like but just didn't hear/think of before, although there are also plenty you'd hate.

To actually answer OP's question, although subtlizer put a good part of it quite well already, here's some more info and (my) opinions to help you think:

• Kinks and whether you're (more) dominant/submissive isn't strictly linked to each other.
  (one could even think of dominance/submissiveness being kinks)
• Strictly speaking, a rough definition of being dominant would be "loving to give orders" and of being submissive "loving to take orders", but you can fill that in more for yourself (and with your partner)
• There are lots of people that are only "slightly" submissive and only want to do so much
• It's true though that some kinks are typically submissive (humiliation, exhibitionism, light pain, ...)
• Although rarer, some dominant people like to show themselves. The other way around too: some subs don't like being humiliated for example
• Regardless of how dominant/submissive (if at all) your relationship will be, communicate. Both at the beginning to talk about things you really (don't) want to do, but also later on. Even those very strict master/slave relationships you hear about usually still have ways for the slave to indicate if she liked, or more importantly, if she hated something
• As for your mention of intelligence, this has very little to do with all this (although society's influence...) but an interesting term for you to look into is brat. You could describe it a bit as a "stubborn sub" which might align with what you feel like, but again, you can define yourself as a stubborn sub but that doesn't mean you need to let that term define your personality/behavior
• After rereading your 1st post for the 5th time, I'm finally "replying" to your 1st sentence. Being a cum slut doesn't make you inherently submissive. There are "dominant" cum sluts that in a sense like the power of being able to please men, being able to get them to treat her in certain ways. In this case it's hard to label it dom/sub (or even switch), but as you're hopefully starting to understand now: you do you. Communicate with whoever what you (don't) want in a way they understand. Labels are helpful but not required. Besides, your and his/her understanding of a label (e.g. submissive) can vary wildly

 

[Merlin]

Thank you for that, no one's ever explained it that way to me or that I have an actual option to the humiliation part. To be honest is easier for me to define what I don't like because that's a much shorter list and that's I'm not really good at tasks per se that that go outside the bedroom, I'm not into severe pain but I don't mind some, and I'm not into humiliation.

Hi, welcome,
and as others said any interest in a way of playing has absolutely nothing to do with being a sub
Being submissive means simply to enjoy someone else being in control while dominant is if you enjoy to be in control of someone, that is it.

There are for sure some common interests, like humiliation or pain, they are in no way needed or are part of every dynamic. I had a almost 3 year relationship with a sub where humiliation was no part of it at all for example.

Also there is another aspect and that things are not 100% or nothing. So most subs will fall somewhere in the middle, like for example with pain for you, with some aspects being fine and others not, part of getting to know each other is finding these lines and talking about it.
<and a big part of being new is to learn where these lines are for yourself
No 2 subs or 2 Domes will have the exact same interests.

A big part in looking for a partner is finding a person that matches what you are looking for, from both sides

The same goes for "only in bed" it is not super uncommon to do it only in bed and again more a matter of finding a partner that sees it the same way than "doing it wrong".
A Dom that is very dominant in every day life will just not be a good match then and you want to look for one that is not dominant outside the bedroom.

There also lies a bit why i am not a big fan of the alpha male idea, I can see where it is coming from , and there are some truths in there in principle but it tries to squeeze people in just 2 categories and that is simply not how reality works.
And also not how D/s works. There is no "the way a sub is" or "the way a Dom is" ... there are only good and bad matches

P.S. Just something that came to mind . This disconnect can even go further , for example i know a Dom that loves pain and will order subs to spank him. He is still a Dom and the sub is still a sub ... it is about control not what you do

 

[subzzzero]

I am a major cumslut. I have virtually tried everything at least once do most things a lot! I absolutely adore serving cock however I find that I have challenges with taking orders. I don't mind taking orders to a point but I don't enjoy being humiliated. I'm quite intelligent and sometimes wonder if that's why I can't cross the line into being a sub or not. Although I crave that alpha male that pulls me in. What do you think?

Focus less on titles and more on doing what appeals to you. There is no set way to do things. There is no true sub qualities. If you enjoy it go for it. If you have limits those would be respected by a dom if you so choose to have a dom.
The majority of subs do not like humiliation contrary to what some may think. Maybe the ones you see online seeking a fast play session. But in communities and kink circles it’s not really a main focus for most.
Control and power exchange is the focus between dom sub. It can even be non sexual.
I have come across ladies who are badasses in the daily work life. Bosses, CEO, military, law enforcement, highly educated, Etc. They enjoy the power exchange to finally give it up and not have to be the one making decisions. They don’t want to negate their intelligence. Find a dom who can fuck your mind before he wants to fuck your body. That connection and trust is what makes it work. You need to know at the end of each day he still respects you for who you are. Dont mistake a sub role for weakness or lesser.

 

[subtlizer]

I think this is the test you mentioned:

BDSMTest: The Original BDSM & Kink Test

Welcome to the original BDSM Test! Test your kinkiness and find out your kink archetype. Are you into Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission or Sadism & Masochism? BDSMTest will identify your preferences so you can play in consensual activities with others.

bdsmtest.org

Yes this is the one.


By the time you read all the posts, i am sure you will learn, what it means to be a sub.
I did forget to say about being a brat, you can try that as well.
Dont define yourself with kinks, define yourself with what you desire.

Its a doms job to understand what a sub wants and what are a subs limits.
Sometimes doms do make mistakes ex. Thinking that once you are a sub to them, they can do whatever they want regardless of limits.
Be careful of that.

Be a good sub, be a happy sub.

 

[Naughty nova]

I am a major cumslut. I have virtually tried everything at least once do most things a lot! I absolutely adore serving cock however I find that I have challenges with taking orders. I don't mind taking orders to a point but I don't enjoy being humiliated. I'm quite intelligent and sometimes wonder if that's why I can't cross the line into being a sub or not. Although I crave that alpha male that pulls me in. What do you think?

I am a little sub. Daddy knows I am not into humiliation at all. And he respects that boundary. I like a little pain. Being tied,choked and rough sex daddy can call me Daddy's slut. But he respects that I don't want to be called other mean names or humiliated at that a line we drew right away. You just have to be firm in what you will try and what is a hard no

 

[Dirtbag69b]

I am a major cumslut. I have virtually tried everything at least once do most things a lot! I absolutely adore serving cock however I find that I have challenges with taking orders. I don't mind taking orders to a point but I don't enjoy being humiliated. I'm quite intelligent and sometimes wonder if that's why I can't cross the line into being a sub or not. Although I crave that alpha male that pulls me in. What do you think?

Hi

You have not found the right Dom. be open and honest about ur wants and needs and the line will be set a Dom should not have to bark orders shout etc a good Dom can use a few words orgesture or facial expression to get the required result
in short find better Doms