Submissive - degree of blows

[Diane Grichtol]

I am a beginner Submissive woman. I am curious to receive a reply from experienced in BDSM culture.
Before the session, how to determine for Submissive the permissible degree of blows? Is it acceptable that the Dominant is tried the bondage kits on himself - this will give him minimal knowledge about the strength of the effect of this device on the skin?
I heard the opinion that the status of the Dominant does not allow him to try devices on himself, along with the belief that such testing automatically puts a masochist label.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Hello and welcome!
Interesting question, I'm sure others will weigh in with their opinions too.

In my opinion any Dom that isn't prepared to test devices on themselves isn't trustworthy. Simple put safety comes first, and while you may think a device or punishment is safe the only real way to assess the damage potential is to try it yourself. This is not to say a Dom needs to undergo extensive use of punishments but to expect a sub to trust you requires confidence and understanding of what you are doing and this means having real world experience.

 

[poetrylover828]

I am more likely to trust a dom that has had something used on them before they use it with me. If a dom has been hit with a riding crop and study a bit then I would trust they know how to do it.

if a dom says things like “I would never have a riding crop used on me because then people will think I’m a sub” I don’t puttrust in them. If they are unwilling to try it why should I let them ever use it on me?

 

[kaylessa]

In addition to all that great advice you can also just try. BDSM isn't theoretical in nature, it's more on the practical side of life. Choose a safeword and try until you find out what makes you fly.

because then people will think I’m a sub

Being spanked doesn't make you a sub. Being submissive does.

 

[subzzzero]

I follow a similar practice as well. Testing out ties, floggers, canes, chem play, clamps, wax, (wax is a huge one for safety) etc. Lots of things you need to develop a feel for so that you can do it properly and not injure the one you're with. Also making sure to test things on same parts that you plan on using your S type. For example me hitting my hand is far different from her inner thigh. This helps keep you aware and the sub safer.
Now, as a dom you need to be participating as a sub in everything to understand how it works? Well no not really but you should get advice from those more experienced both D and S side through the way of forums like this, mentors, demo nights at local clubs, other resources. Be informed, do research, and be man enough to say "I don't know or I need help"> Ultimately your sub is your responsibility to care for and keep safe, she needs to be aware of the risks yes, but times of subspace will make it very hard for her to make that call and at that point its all you having to know whats best in the situation.

Anything unfamiliar or "first times" for you both take very slow. Better to build up slow and safe than end up injured. Seen way too many new subs taken advantage of and injured. Impact done wrong injury, anal too fast too much and soft tissue torn, waxplay burns and melted skin , lots of nasty things come from lack of knowledge.

And no testing things out on yourself as a dom to keep your sub safe does not label the dom as a maso. It labels him as someone whos doing things right.

 

[SadoWolf]

I have tried EVERYTHING, that I do to others first on my self. No matter what it is. Of course there are differences like I just don't have tits or a cunt, and I am not a female at all, as well as I am not that person and experience things different then somebody else. But you definitly should rudimentary know what you expect other to endure.

And the "opinion" that a Dom-lable does not allow you to test things out on your self is the most dumb thing I've ever heard. This is just respectless, careless, and absolutely dangerous.
And now tbh, even if you would recognise some masochism feelings during testing out things, who cares? If it feels good, enjoy it. Being masochistic or even being switch does not prevent you from being dominant!!! This kind of brainless elite-thinkin is what is destroying an open minded scene and turns it into divided groups.

 

[StormyDungeons]

I am a beginner Submissive woman. I am curious to receive a reply from experienced in BDSM culture.
Before the session, how to determine for Submissive the permissible degree of blows? Is it acceptable that the Dominant is tried the bondage kits on himself - this will give him minimal knowledge about the strength of the effect of this device on the skin?
I heard the opinion that the status of the Dominant does not allow him to try devices on himself, along with the belief that such testing automatically puts a masochist label.

It can be either way so please dont become fixated on one or the other.

Being in a dom/sub arrangement is a very sophisticated and elevated form of relationship.

The dom will delve deep into your psyche and know you BETTER than you ever knew yourself.

This means your dom will seek out devices, mechanisms, and applications that will allow uou to go to limits you before were not aware of.

The very fact you are building walls is a sign you may not be quite ready for such an arrangement or at least not quite UNDERSTANDING of what that is.

Any serious dom will take responsibility of you and your sexual sense/s of being.

It is their interest, fixation, commitment, and even obsession to accomplish this.

You do realize being a dom or sub = IS FAR MORE A STATE OF MIND AND INNER BEING VIA REALIZED PSYCHOLOGY THAN IT IS SEXUAL BY PHYSICAL ACTS OR DEVICES.

So again, dont become fixated on one or the other regarding self trials, anf above all = STOP MAKING DEMANDS. NO SUB MAKES DEMANDS. DOMS MAKE DEMANDS.

You may not actually be seeking a dom/sub BDSM arrangement but may in reality be much better suited to an S&M partner arrangement where you take turns doing kinks to each other.

Think about that. Your best sex sessions may only be 1 minor choice away.