Submissive needing advice on switching

[CharRusalka]

Hello all,

So I always have been a sub. I'm in a hetero monogamous relationship and everything is amazing aside from our sexual intimacy. He is not into being dom and I thought he was vanilla until the other night, when I asked him if he wanted to be submissive. Without pause he said "Yes!".

I want to try switching because I really want to make this work. And I do get off on fulfilling another's fantasies (being a good sub). And maybe this will be a liberating experience for me.

I think about what I like as a sub. I think about setting boundaries together. It's just difficult trying to get into switching my head-space.

Has anyone done this motivated by this specific reason? Can you share your thoughts and any resources?

Thanks,
Char

 

[Kenssxd]

You can pm me .. I switched too ...

 

[angsky]

Hey! Kik me at angsky. I am new to switching too and am looking for a partner we can discuss more there.

 

[johns123]

hey kik reilz06

 

[Domineer]

Colliding kinks

You're obviously in a situation with colliding kinks - so it's a challenge, but it sounds like you're doing just fine otherwise so I'm sure you can find ways.

A few random brainstom ideas:

- Submit as a couple to a dominant (or to a dominant couple)

- Get a "token". Whomever holds the token has total power - until it shifts to the other person, maybe as a reward for submitting to perfection. Make sure that there is no time limit to how long a person can keep it. If you're both into submission, the token will shift forward and back - probably often - but every time it shifts, it could potentially stay where it landed.

- Make an arrangement where you can both dominate the other. If you tell him he can't cum - well - then he won't. If he tells you to clean the kitchen - you will. Etc. etc. - In effect you'll both be obeying the other persons requests. Add a rule that one person can not request something that cancels the other persons commands.

- Set rules where your faith will depend on events that are out of your control. Could be sport results, lottery numbers, anything... For example, if the last digit in this weeks lottery is 7 it means you will have sex 7 times - just an example,m you get the idea ;-)

- Incorporate random factors in your life. For example, when having sex, let a dice decide how and where - and when on the edge of climax, roll a dice to decide if you'll go beyond the point of no return - or not. It's extremely important that you go with no exceptions if you do this. It will kill the arousal from the unpredictive element if you can just over-rule it as you see fit.

I hope some of these ideas are useful - good luck with the journey

 

[CharRusalka]

Thanks Domineer!

These are by far the most useful suggestions I have received so far.

The frustrating thing is that he is absolutely unwilling to be dominant, even in the mildest forms. I don't manipulate and pressure him to do so of course, despite the huge tension in the clashing of the kink!

You provided some good information on beginning to establish a middle ground, though. Thanks

 

[sublook2switch]

This post is a little older... but

This is exactly why I joined this forum.

My wife has become a pretty good dom for me but I know she wants to be a sub.

I am hoping to learn and explore ways to find her sub side.

I am a sub and very perverted and insightful.. so I have basically instructed her in each step to dom me and why it turns me on.

In many ways I am the sub but the in control. So I believe I will make a great dom, I just need to pull out her turn ons and turn offs. But she feels , shy I guess , and I have to pull tiny things out one at a time from her.

I'm hoping to explore my sub side and make friends but really learning what other subs that remind me of her like and try each to see what clicks.

 

[StormyDungeons]

Hello all,

So I always have been a sub. I'm in a hetero monogamous relationship and everything is amazing aside from our sexual intimacy. He is not into being dom and I thought he was vanilla until the other night, when I asked him if he wanted to be submissive. Without pause he said "Yes!".

I want to try switching because I really want to make this work. And I do get off on fulfilling another's fantasies (being a good sub). And maybe this will be a liberating experience for me.

I think about what I like as a sub. I think about setting boundaries together. It's just difficult trying to get into switching my head-space.

Has anyone done this motivated by this specific reason? Can you share your thoughts and any resources?

Thanks,
Char

What you need IS A MINDSET.

This means studying = femdom.

Femdom is less brutal than actual bdsm in most ways due to being much more psychological as opposed to merely physical.

THERE ARE 2 GRAND FEM DOMS I STRONGLY RECOMMEND YOU LOOK UP AND VIDEO STUDY:

1 - MISTRESS T

2 - LADY FYRE

Its sophisticated but certainly dominant. Both those gals are marvelous and you + hubby will get into that/them.

You see, both those ladies understand = EROTICA as a practiced artform. That is what makes them so marvelous.

There are tons of FREE videos for both simply by googling their names + the word = FEMDOM

I have researched on this subject for awhile and its a rapidly growing sex play genre. There are many attempting to do this but those 2 are far and away the best.

 

[Merlin]

Femdom is less brutal than actual bdsm in most ways due to being much more psychological as opposed to merely physical.

Femdom = Dynamic were the woman is the dominant, not some special way of dom/sub dynamic. And to say female doms are less physical is not my experience at all . You can find a more psychological/physical dynamics with male or female doms

She wasn't on here for 7 years But that doesn't mean that the subject cant be interesting and still discussed.

I find it interesting that this subject is showing up quiet often.
Understandably. especially with situations were one partner finds new interest in either doming or subbing after a relationship is already established. And this situation is not easy. And people need to understand that this is not just a matter of learning the skills you need to be a dom or a sub but also a matter of learning about yourself.

Being dominant, submissive or a switch is a preference, not unlike being straight , gay or bi.

Is it possible to learn you also enjoy the other side of things? Of course, it happens and finding a solution that works with your partner is not a bad thing... as long as both are aware that it might not work.

My advice in these situations is not to start with the how, but with the "Is it something I am fine with doing in the first place".
Both submitting and dominating can be very taxing mentally. Especially if it is something that doesn't come naturally.
Both requires a mindset not everyone feels comfortable in, and that is fine.
This means looking out for your mental state and admitting if it gets worse is important when you try to take a look on the other side.
And making sure from the get go that both you and your partner are aware that it might not work and in that case drop the idea without blaming yourself or the other one.

Like with beginners in general , take your time, go slow and accept to stop or slow down the moment you feel it not feeling right.

 

[ervin4mistress]

Hello all,

So I always have been a sub. I'm in a hetero monogamous relationship and everything is amazing aside from our sexual intimacy. He is not into being dom and I thought he was vanilla until the other night, when I asked him if he wanted to be submissive. Without pause he said "Yes!".

I want to try switching because I really want to make this work. And I do get off on fulfilling another's fantasies (being a good sub). And maybe this will be a liberating experience for me.

I think about what I like as a sub. I think about setting boundaries together. It's just difficult trying to get into switching my head-space.

Has anyone done this motivated by this specific reason? Can you share your thoughts and any resources?

Thanks,
Char

Pm me