Switches...Orgasm denial/Control

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

Switches....Orgasms denial/control

So I switched from Dom to sub....

Orgasm denial or control is a forced orgasm, the forcing of an orgasm that is outside the recipient's voluntary control...right?

I'm not an expert or a guru on orgasm control or denial. So bare with me...just need some advice and guidance.

Orgasms denial or control I’m not sure I know, the difference!!!.(I’m sure someone on here can tell me.) ( I know its a form of control for a Dom/Mistress/Sadist ect ect )

To me it’s like a form of torture both leave me feeling frustrated and owned or out control. Because my stomach feels like it’s in knots and I get headaches. I feel stressed and emotional, if I’m denied orgasms for a long period of time, I find it hard to concentrate and be productive.

I know orgasm denial while playing can lead to a better orgasms. It can be hot and enjoyable for everyone taking part.

Edging is a whole other thing and Ruined orgasms!!!

Edging is when a person builds sexual stimulation almost to the point of orgasm but stops just before it occurs...right?

Ruined orgasm is when all stimulation is stopped, just prior to orgasm. So right as he/she is about to orgasm, simply stop all movement and stimulation.

If you’ve timed it right and he/she is on the path of no return. His/hers body may begin to convulse and he/she will moan with discomfort instead of pleasure...right?

SOOOO CONFUSING

I’m kind of new to orgasm denial or control and I suppose I’m finding difficult . ( I’ve always got what I wanted in and out the bedroom). It’s hard to give this kind of control, to someone. I start to try and rationalise everything, which takes the game and pleasure out of it. Maybe I’m looking at it all wrong...maybe...possibly...probably Ahhhhhhhh

I know if orgasm control or denial if not, talked about. Before hand or written into a control can be dangerous to one’s mental health. You can become depressed, sad or emotionally unstable. And, aftercare is a must.

I’m very eager to work on orgasm denial or control, to understand myself. As well as the process of achieving the denial or control over my need pussy!!!....

 

[Merlin]

ok ... let me start with a few of these things, short form , feel free to ask if you need some aspect to go deper

Orgasm control simply means that someone controlls the orgasms of another, from denying to forcing to deciding how to

Orgasm Denial is the act do not allow, deny, someone to have an orgasm

Edging is if you make someone go all the way till they are about to orgasm but stop before they can cum

Ruined Orgasm is if you do the same as edging but only stop the moment the other one is starting to orgasm , so they cant stop cumming but it feels unsatisfying

Not that confusing

And yes all of them can have mental and mood effects so aftercare is important and also checking , especially as subs will react differently to it

i come at it from the dom side of course but for a lot it is the feeling of helplessness towards their own arousal, giving control over something so personal and to serve without getting the release beside other things of course

And yes it can be difficult at the start and maybe the biggest failure i see is to overdo it at the start, even a day or 2 is more than enough to start with

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

ok ... let me start with a few of these things, short form , feel free to ask if you need some aspect to go deper

Orgasm control simply means that someone controlls the orgasms of another, from denying to forcing to deciding how to

Orgasm Denial is the act do not allow, deny, someone to have an orgasm

Edging is if you make someone go all the way till they are about to orgasm but stop before they can cum

Ruined Orgasm is if you do the same as edging but only stop the moment the other one is starting to orgasm , so they cant stop cumming but it feels unsatisfying

Not that confusing

And yes all of them can have menta and mood effects so aftercare is important and also checking , especially as subs will react differently to it

i come at it from the dom side of course but for a lot it is one the feeling of helplessness towards their own arousal, giving control over something so personal and to serve without getting the release beside other things of course

And yes it can be difficult at the start and maybe the biggest failzure i see ios to overdo it at the start, even a day or 2 is more than enough to start

Ok. This give me more perspective and understanding.
And, maybe I'm stressing out a bit, because I'm finding it difficult and frustrating.
I would like to go deeper in so much that I need to understand what I'm feeling. Also why I would give some one that amount of control. I'm struggling..yet I do want to continue .
Edging and a ruined orgasm seem the same to me...don't kill the messenger lol.

 

[Merlin]

Ok. This give me more perspective and understanding.
And, maybe I'm stressing out a bit, because I'm finding it difficult and frustrating.
I would like to go deeper in so much that I need to understand what I'm feeling. Also why I would give some one that amount of control. I'm struggling..yet I do want to continue .
Edging and a ruined orgasm seem the same to me...don't kill the messenger lol.

they are a bit similar but not exactly the same one stops just before the orgasm starts the other right as it starts

Frustration is, in a way, part of the game, and the why , to have no control, to feel helpless, to give the feeling of frustration but also the orgasm itself "to the dom"
The orgasm turns from something for the sub to something you do when told for the enjoyment of the dom

And like with a lot things , small steps ... even something like "you will orgasm while we play but only once i allow it" can be a start. You know you get it but just have no say in when

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

they are a bit similar but not exactly th same one stops just before the orgasm starts the other right as it starts

Frustration is in a way part of the game, and the why , to have no control to feel helpless, to give the feeling of frustration but also the orgasm itself "to the dom"
The orgasm turns from something for the sub to something you do when told for the enjoyment of the dom

And like with a lot things , small steps ... even something like "you will orgasm while we play but only once i allow it" can be a start. You know you get it but just have no say in when

Now that I understand (your second and last paragraph)
I'm a use to getting thing when "I " want..so not being in control is not easy for me. Thank you for helping me with this (Big smile)

 

[Merlin]

Now that I understand (your second and last paragraph)
I'm a use to getting thing when "I " want..so not being in control is not easy for me. Thank you for helping me with this (Big smile)

Oh for me subs get what they want, they want to please, get attention, make the dom happy, feel controlled, serve and obay ... all things they will get from it

D/s doesnt work in my eyes if both parties don't get what they need, one control , the other lack of control

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

Oh for me subs get what they want, they want to please, get attention, make the dom happy, feel controlled, serve and obay ... all things they will get from it

D/s doesnt work in my eyes if both parties don't get what they need, one control , the other lack of control

So are you saying the Dom must get the control (that's what they wants) and the sub losses control (that's what they want). That way they both get what they want?
I do want to loss the control in this instance and I've willingly give control up on the past. But for some reason the orgasm control, is something I'm finding difficult. I not sure I understand why...

 

[Merlin]

So are you saying the Dom must get the control (that's what they wants) and the sub losses control (that's what they want). That way they both get what they want?
I do want to loss the control in this instance and I've willingly give control up on the past. But for some reason the orgasm control, is something I'm finding difficult. I not sure I understand why...

Yes , isnt that the point of D/s

And orgasms are a very basic need, that is deep inside us and also personal , can be harder to give away .

What have you tried so far, if i may ask?

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

Yes , isnt that the point of D/s

And orgasms are a very basic need, that is deep inside us and also personal , can be harder to give away .

What have you tried so far, if i may ask?

?

 

[Merlin]

What part is unclear?

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

?

What part is unclear?

I'm clear on what the control is about in regards to orgasm control.
What I'm unclear on is:
If I'm willingly given control over, why am I finding difficult, stressful and unpleasant?
Or maybe deep down I'm unwilling? Maybe...possibly, ..probably....

 

[Merlin]

Not everyone is in every aspect , nothing wrong with that.

No harm in trying either though, especially if the idea is clearly on your mind

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

Not everyone is in every aspect , nothing wrong with that.

No harm in trying either though, especially if the idea is clearly on your mind

I always thought I had to give control over a 100% , nothing else would do. Or it wasn't complete control I was handing over to a Dom.
I'm probably over thinking and doing my own head in lol probably...
I think I just to dig a bit deeper to understand why I'm struggling with this.
It's been on my mind a lot of late. Maybe if I stop obsessing about, I'll be OK...

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

I always thought I had to give control over a 100% , nothing else would do. Or it wasn't complete control I was handing over to a Dom.
I'm probably over thinking and doing my own head in lol probably...
I think I just to dig a bit deeper to understand why I'm struggling with this.
It's been on my mind a lot of late. Maybe if I stop obsessing about, I'll be OK...

Ps also I'm being asked for this to be written into a contract....

 

[Merlin]

I always thought I had to give control over a 100% , nothing else would do. Or it wasn't complete control I was handing over to a Dom.
I'm probably over thinking and doing my own head in lol probably...
I think I just to dig a bit deeper to understand why I'm struggling with this.
It's been on my mind a lot of late. Maybe if I stop obsessing about, I'll be OK...

Going step by step can work fine , doesnt need to be all or nothing, especially with new things. Try it small and increase if both sides enjoy it.

For example maybe try to have someone order you to edge onnce before you can orgasm, no long wait just a little bit lost control

 

[Merlin]

Ps also I'm being asked for this to be written into a contract....

... If you dont know trying it is the better option than going in a contract with it , yes they can be changed but just trying out is a better starting point

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

... If you dont know trying it is the better option than going in a contract with it , yes they can be changed but just trying out is a better starting point

I think this is why I'm stressing out about (because he wants it written into the contract, that he controls my orgasms) it and he wants the contract completed by New . If I'm honest I don't think I'll be ready to put that in the contract by then. I don't want to disappoint him (it's like I want to please him) . But I don't know about the orgasms control bit.

 

[Merlin]

I think this is why I'm stressing out about (because he wants it written into the contract, that he controls my orgasms) it and he wants the contract completed by New . If I'm honest I don't think I'll be ready to put that in the contract by then. I don't want to disappoint him (it's like I want to please him) . But I don't know about the orgasms control bit.

If you are not sure then putting it in a contract seems like not the best idea, to be honest, maybe talk with him about being willing to try it in small steps and see how you like it.

Can still be added later. And thing like that should be talked about. And without pressure

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

Going step by step can work fine , doesnt need to be all or nothing, especially with new things. Try it small and increase if both sides enjoy it.

For example maybe try to have someone order you to edge onnce before you can orgasm, no long wait just a little bit lost control

I like this suggestion...

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

If you are not sure then putting it in a contract seems like not the best idea, to be honest, maybe talk with him about being willing to try it in small steps and see how you like it.

Can still be added later. And thing like that should be talked about. And without pressure

I agree with Al you have said. I do feel pressure...but I also want to give the orgasm control a go...I'm very curious about it and the self control that it install is appealing to me. Very much so.
I'll definitely take your suggestions of edging and small steps.
I'm feeling relieved and more positive in my resolve to try orgasm control.