I agree. There are definitely some good ones on here. You really just need to weed through them
Today's Dominance
- Thread starter Damokles
- Start date
People are very different and so is communication. Unfortunately, they can at least communicate clearly if they just want to play or if they are simply interested in a conversation. Would probably make a lot of things easier.
@subzzzero and I have already had a little chat about communication.
Today Communication
@subzzzero and I have already had a little chat about communication.
Today Communication
Funny how it’s a one way street of expectations. But when they have to put up any remotely equal risk they back down.
I find this shit screening for telegram groups. People will show up and fake the questions. Then see a live vid required (vanilla mind you) but still a vid and they poof off real fast. Like dude we just asked your to say todays date and touch your nose.
The anonymity of the internet where many want others to reveal themselves and feel untouchable, but as soon as they themselves are asked to reveal something or provide evidence for their claims that concern themselves. Then they feel vulnerable or realize how their house of lies threatens to collapse and disappear.
I prefer to have pics vids as part of a dynamic for a few reasons
1. No catfishing
2. Equal risk value
3. Trust both ways
4. Seeing my work (lol yeah I know shallow)
5. Watching for tells or signs I need to ease up or alter a task
6. Seeing that raw emotional reaction to tasks or rules I’ve assigned.
I’m very much understanding people don’t like doing pics. And that’s cool. It’s just not going to fit my style so I tell them upfront that it won’t work. Better to stop it early on than settle or lie hoping to change them.
1. No catfishing
2. Equal risk value
3. Trust both ways
4. Seeing my work (lol yeah I know shallow)
5. Watching for tells or signs I need to ease up or alter a task
6. Seeing that raw emotional reaction to tasks or rules I’ve assigned.
I’m very much understanding people don’t like doing pics. And that’s cool. It’s just not going to fit my style so I tell them upfront that it won’t work. Better to stop it early on than settle or lie hoping to change them.
Yes. I definitely got a catfishing vibe from the guy who wouldn’t even send an audio I mentioned.
I dont think it’s shallow for seeing your own work. I love it!
Some of why I like being a sub so much is when I can make my Dom proud. And how can they be proud of they don't ever get to see the work so no it's not shallow.
Immediate red flag if a so called dom expects everything from your side but at the same time won't put in the work themselves. If you have nothing to hide and only have honest intentions, then there should not be a problem with verifying yourself.
Unfortunately there are still a lot people out there that think being a dominant is just about kink dispensing and bossing someone around. Personally. I really don't blame any submissive partner for not wanting to send pictures, video or audio. Trust is a delicate thing. And something that has to be earned. Giving someone your trust is one of the most intimate things you can give. And abusing that trust is one of the worst things anyone can do.
Most of the time these fakes can be spotted from a mile away. They either don't take the time to post or write an extended introduction. Almost always have "no limits". Which everyone has limits. And don't listen when you try to bring in something.
Any good dynamic/relationship requires time and investment. There are two partners. And no matter how BDSM is perceived from the outside. A submissive partner is always equal to a dominant partner. Two people. Both equal. And both get a say. A good dominant takes the time to listen and won't just be there for the good times. But also wants to be there for the bad times.
Unfortunately there are still a lot people out there that think being a dominant is just about kink dispensing and bossing someone around. Personally. I really don't blame any submissive partner for not wanting to send pictures, video or audio. Trust is a delicate thing. And something that has to be earned. Giving someone your trust is one of the most intimate things you can give. And abusing that trust is one of the worst things anyone can do.
Most of the time these fakes can be spotted from a mile away. They either don't take the time to post or write an extended introduction. Almost always have "no limits". Which everyone has limits. And don't listen when you try to bring in something.
Any good dynamic/relationship requires time and investment. There are two partners. And no matter how BDSM is perceived from the outside. A submissive partner is always equal to a dominant partner. Two people. Both equal. And both get a say. A good dominant takes the time to listen and won't just be there for the good times. But also wants to be there for the bad times.
I think it's always important to treat people with respect. If you get to know someone it makes the D/S relationship so much better.
That said, fakers and scammers on both side are the problem. I've had subs basically tell me I'm boring them by asking questions and basically made them avoid me.
I know for sure in those circumstances if I'd have said 'Hey Slut, don't reply until your naked and your legs are spread for me' would've continued the conversations with them. These are not one offs either, there was a period for like a year this seemed to be the norm and it was starting to make me have similar thoughts as the OP. That said, on reflection it's likely that these subs were probably scammers or fakes so that's why they didn't want to talk, they probably just wanted to leak some nudes of their ex and then go do it to someone else. So if someone doesn't want to chat or get to know you, move on immediately.
If a Dom has many of these experiences they are going to think that, that's the normal way of starting conversations and this is the problem though.
After realising trends there are two types of subs.
Ones that are 'hit and run' either create an account horny, wanting to experience something new. Will be active for two days, probably have a bad experience with the wrong Dom and never come back. Also could be fakes or scammers pretending to be an ex or something.
Then there are those that have been around for a while, Happy to chat, share experiences, get to know you. I think at this point these subs can see through the BS from Doms and avoid bad doms. If you can just talk to these subs theres a good chance of a good D/S relationship happening. I've ended up being a Dom to this type of sub without actually pursuing them literally just happened naturally after chatting so much.
I'm sure there are subs which enjoy being spoken to like shit, but you should have a conversation to work this out. If someone wants to be spoken to like shit straight away, this is a red flag and you should move on.
That said, fakers and scammers on both side are the problem. I've had subs basically tell me I'm boring them by asking questions and basically made them avoid me.
I know for sure in those circumstances if I'd have said 'Hey Slut, don't reply until your naked and your legs are spread for me' would've continued the conversations with them. These are not one offs either, there was a period for like a year this seemed to be the norm and it was starting to make me have similar thoughts as the OP. That said, on reflection it's likely that these subs were probably scammers or fakes so that's why they didn't want to talk, they probably just wanted to leak some nudes of their ex and then go do it to someone else. So if someone doesn't want to chat or get to know you, move on immediately.
If a Dom has many of these experiences they are going to think that, that's the normal way of starting conversations and this is the problem though.
After realising trends there are two types of subs.
Ones that are 'hit and run' either create an account horny, wanting to experience something new. Will be active for two days, probably have a bad experience with the wrong Dom and never come back. Also could be fakes or scammers pretending to be an ex or something.
Then there are those that have been around for a while, Happy to chat, share experiences, get to know you. I think at this point these subs can see through the BS from Doms and avoid bad doms. If you can just talk to these subs theres a good chance of a good D/S relationship happening. I've ended up being a Dom to this type of sub without actually pursuing them literally just happened naturally after chatting so much.
I'm sure there are subs which enjoy being spoken to like shit, but you should have a conversation to work this out. If someone wants to be spoken to like shit straight away, this is a red flag and you should move on.
Oh yes. I agree with that. It's a two way effort. I definitely encountered my fair share of fake submissives too. It's tiring and discouraging. But once you get that click. Where both sides match. That's one of the best feelings in the world.I think it's always important to treat people with respect. If you get to know someone it makes the D/S relationship so much better.
That said, fakers and scammers on both side are the problem. I've had subs basically tell me I'm boring them by asking questions and basically made them avoid me.
I know for sure in those circumstances if I'd have said 'Hey Slut, don't reply until your naked and your legs are spread for me' would've continued the conversations with them. These are not one offs either, there was a period for like a year this seemed to be the norm and it was starting to make me have similar thoughts as the OP. That said, on reflection it's likely that these subs were probably scammers or fakes so that's why they didn't want to talk, they probably just wanted to leak some nudes of their ex and then go do it to someone else. So if someone doesn't want to chat or get to know you, move on immediately.
If a Dom has many of these experiences they are going to think that, that's the normal way of starting conversations and this is the problem though.
After realising trends there are two types of subs.
Ones that are 'hit and run' either create an account horny, wanting to experience something new. Will be active for two days, probably have a bad experience with the wrong Dom and never come back. Also could be fakes or scammers pretending to be an ex or something.
Then there are those that have been around for a while, Happy to chat, share experiences, get to know you. I think at this point these subs can see through the BS from Doms and avoid bad doms. If you can just talk to these subs theres a good chance of a good D/S relationship happening. I've ended up being a Dom to this type of sub without actually pursuing them literally just happened naturally after chatting so much.
I'm sure there are subs which enjoy being spoken to like shit, but you should have a conversation to work this out. If someone wants to be spoken to like shit straight away, this is a red flag and you should move on.
Very good input.
I've also wondered whether I've missed the boat on modern communication. But I decided to stay the way I am. And yes, some subs are rather reserved at the beginning, which is ok and I like to take my time. But there are also limits. If someone can only answer "yes" or "no", I see it as a waste of time.
And since I'm also a gentleman, I treat everyone with respect and dignity, even if the other person wants to be humiliated.
I've had a few who just want to play fast and if it comes up that's ok. But I just want to know where I stand.
And if I get the feeling that it's just me, then I just end it, because I have time and can manage without a sub.
Which is why I don't understand why male slaves immediately respond to every post from a "Mistress" by begging. Start growing a backbone and understand that you have just as much value. Don't make it so easy for these cheap fakes.
I've also wondered whether I've missed the boat on modern communication. But I decided to stay the way I am. And yes, some subs are rather reserved at the beginning, which is ok and I like to take my time. But there are also limits. If someone can only answer "yes" or "no", I see it as a waste of time.
And since I'm also a gentleman, I treat everyone with respect and dignity, even if the other person wants to be humiliated.
I've had a few who just want to play fast and if it comes up that's ok. But I just want to know where I stand.
And if I get the feeling that it's just me, then I just end it, because I have time and can manage without a sub.
Which is why I don't understand why male slaves immediately respond to every post from a "Mistress" by begging. Start growing a backbone and understand that you have just as much value. Don't make it so easy for these cheap fakes.
When I first found the community being a sub I felt I had to submit right away or no Dom would even give me a chance. I have since learned my value and that even though I am a sub I have the right to refuse. Not all subs know that I feel to straight male subs have it harder because there are way more fake Domme out there so the subs have been conditioned to just throw themselves at everyone in the hopes that one is real. It's very sad because doing that lessens the experiences for them and I feel some give up. And there are many connections that could be made if truly given a chance. Instead of just yes sir/ mistress I am a mindless slut who will obey anything. Both Dom and Sub have preferences a subs only job is not to be obedient. How can my Dom be a good Dom if I never tell them what I truly need and only ever just do what they want. If both sides don't communicate there wants and needs you can't grow together. Communication is key. The one liners from either side needs to stop so both side can get out of a dynamic what they need. As a sub I have tried things for my Dom that I never thought I would like. Some I like some I don't but as long as I don't hate it then I will continue for my Dom. I have also had Dom who have adapted to my needs. If you can't communicate those wants and needs then you both lose out in the end
Yep clearly the type I avoid. When they tell me that or similar it’s my cue to just not waste effort. When I see someone who does the old empty post “punish me” I give the standard add limits likes dislikes kinks speech and most times dont bother past that unless I see some legit effort on their end. Like I try to help just in case they are new and just unaware. But other times it’s that need instant fix type rushed thing and I’m not wasting my time on it.
This is one lesson I wish was easier to show all newcomers. That and just because you are “a sub” does not mean you are “anyone/everyone’s sub” Just because you claim to be a dominant does not mean you hold any power or rights over anyone until they give you that option.
To bad we couldn't get this thread pinned at the top. I think there are a lot of good responses here that could help newbies a lot
I try my best to refer to good threads when the chance comes up and if I can find it in my pile of history
Yeah you are amazing at helping people. But I'm sure it gets tiring at timesI try my best to refer to good threads when the chance comes up and if I can find it in my pile of history
Ppl usually lies. not everyone but they have ability to lie and with internet communication and modern app it's more easy to lie more and with comfortable position.
A lot of ppl came here bcz they are horny or to scam and a few to learn or create a good connection.
A lot of ppl came here bcz they are horny or to scam and a few to learn or create a good connection.
Like many people I started off online and to be honest, it took me a while to navigate conversations owing mostly to the fact that the things we discuss here are things I only imagined or fantasized about while knowing nothing about the people behind them. In a way that gave me a very one dimensional view, just caricatures of the people behind the screen.
Now, however after more exposure and offline experience, I have really come to appreciate communication and negotiation. I have come to appreciate how necessary to be able to make decisions out of the 'scene' or 'dynamic' before getting into it. That is what informed consent means to me now.
Now, however after more exposure and offline experience, I have really come to appreciate communication and negotiation. I have come to appreciate how necessary to be able to make decisions out of the 'scene' or 'dynamic' before getting into it. That is what informed consent means to me now.
I 100% agree with this! I've been searching for actual discussions on these topics for quite some time. This is the first time i see one, where everyone shares opinions, experiences and says more than "yeah bro, same happened to me" (happens in reddit).
It's really nice to see! (And kind of refreshing)
It's really nice to see! (And kind of refreshing)
