Trouble in edge control

[tistrawberry26]

I don’t know if it’s in the right place but I think it where it suits the best .
I will tell you a short story to understand the context and the reason of this thread .
When I started my kinky life I was 22. I learned how to cum alone at 21 . Before that I never had an orgasm either alone or with a partner .
So now after 5 years of many kinky relationships and partners online and in person I have reached a very good level of submission.
But I am having trouble in a specific field . Orgasm control.
So when I am with a partner and I am having sexual intercource I cannot cum it’s very difficult and I had only squirt some times but cumming like real clitoral orgasm I have never reached.
While when I am alone with a vibrator or with fingers I can easily reach an orgasm (vibrator ~10 minutes / fingers ~30minutes)
When I have an online partner and tries to control my orgasm it’s also impossible to cum in front of camera but when we close I’m so turned on and I cum alone.
So no matter how obedient sub I am I cannot be orgasm controlled . This also means that when a dom tells me that I cannot cum even alone I am not able to obey and I just lie and cum alone.

These last months I am trying to find a way to only edge and obey because I know that this way there is a chance that I will be so turned on and actually cum in front of or with a partner . But I cannot control it and when I reach the edge I always find myself to just let it go and cum all the way.

Do you maybe have any suggestions on the matter?

I have tried punishments in the past either alone or ordered from someone and I always get turned on and cum again.:/

 

[subzzzero]

This whole orgasm denial forced orgasms and edging is a sticky subject. Yes it seems fun and good but the fact of the matter is not everyone can do it.

So your first part. Being able to orgasm alone. It’s your safe place. No one else sees or hears you. You know what you like best and can adjust on the fly as needed to location and pressure etc. that’s just how it is. You have become comfortable in this routine and know the outcome each time. Low stress.

When with a partner your first part sounds like during sexual intercourse youre getting mainly penetration and not Clit stimulation. I’m guessing your solo play is moslty clit stim focused. A few ways to help with penetration. Get the guy off of the fantasy porn mindset that all girls want in and out jackhammering. Try to keep him deeper inside so his pelvic area grinds into your Clit. You being on top could help this too. Option 2 is reach down and use your fingers to rub your Clit as he’s inside you. Option 3. Get a bullet vibe and wedge in between your lips on the Clit and let him fuck you. Option 4. use cock ring toy with the built in Clit vibe so it’s hands free for both. Option 5 you doggy style reach under yourself to stimulate Clit with fingers or vibes
Option 6 him reaching down (normally with thumb) to rub your Clit while he’s in you.

Now as far as doing in on cam for a Dom. It might not be possible. But best chance is being sure you’re comfortable with them and trusting. Don’t make orgasms the end goal. Just play to enjoy it all. Focusing on the end goal is what causes some guys to have ED and not cum as well. Cumming or not does not determine if you’re a good or bad sub. Any Dom telling you such needs to be ignored and dumped for a better one.
Edging is the same way. Maybe edging just isn’t possible for you alone. You can practice by going a little and stopping over and over. Gradually closer each time.
Again it’s likely all mental in that you’re too focused on making it happen and not just enjoying it. Your Dom needs to see that and help you get out of that headspace. Being supportive as you’re learning to control. Not just punishing. There is no actual punishment that will teach you to edge or cum. Practice and support are your best options. My approach would be have you try to edge. If you failed ok no big deal. But when you succeed it is praise and reward. Positive reinforcement will work better than negative consequences.

One final note is. Guys are dumb. Lol. Truth. If they don’t ask what you like and how you like it. Tell them. Guide them. Rub here. Touch here. Push in like this etc. a few minutes talking it out can make the dif between meh sex or oh my god!