Laying in the bed, my eyes are closed. My mind is resting and I’m seeing nightmares. I'm in a cold sweat. I have ADHD and schizophrenia; but from time to time, I have insomnia. If I sleep for four to five hours a night, I'll be good, but if I sleep one or two hours or even ten hours a night, I feel like crap. Insomnia can be a gift or a curse. In my nightmare, my soul is tortured by being whipped and being chained; everybody in my nightmare is butt ass naked: male and female. What can you benefit from that? Absolutely nothing: pornography and addiction. I've been watching pornography for a very long time. It fucked me mentally growing up. You know, the straight boy, watching naked women showing off their full body; either have real or fake breasts, or even the previews on those pornographic sites is an addiction. Something I can't get out of, when you go to Pornhub, Xhamster, and XVideos is an addiction. It's a nightmare like: smoking cigarettes at first and then graduating to marijuana. Followed by meth, crack, ice, and crystal; it’s addicting. I'm trying to get out of this nightmare of BDSM, when men or women are tied up and whipped in public when they got their cocks and everybody's pussy in their ass, in their mouth, using nipple clamps on their piercings are their clits. I'm just trying to get out of this nightmare. You see everything now and everything is dark. I get it. I have a sex addiction. I’m not proud of it; I'm trying to get out of it. Walking around in darkness is not a happy place. I call it my rabbit hole: deep down, underground, a place that I can escape. Wake me up from this nightmare, please. I don't want to be in my nightmare anymore.
Sometimes, you got to give it to need Jesus. I do need God, I do need the Holy Ghost. I need lightness in my life. I need things that are positive. Nothing that could hold me down. I need motivation, I would like to have dreams and making it big. Dreams to be known but nothing that corrupts my soul. Dreams that I can do on my own instead of having help from anybody. I shouldn’t have to suck anybody's dick or somebody putting a dick inside my ass. I don't wanna be in this nightmare anymore. I wanna be free, I don't wanna have nightmares anymore. Let me get out of my nightmare.
Sometimes, you got to give it to need Jesus. I do need God, I do need the Holy Ghost. I need lightness in my life. I need things that are positive. Nothing that could hold me down. I need motivation, I would like to have dreams and making it big. Dreams to be known but nothing that corrupts my soul. Dreams that I can do on my own instead of having help from anybody. I shouldn’t have to suck anybody's dick or somebody putting a dick inside my ass. I don't wanna be in this nightmare anymore. I wanna be free, I don't wanna have nightmares anymore. Let me get out of my nightmare.
