What are some good questions to always ask a potential Dom

[HisAngel]

Hii!
I'm new here to this site, which was suggested to me through a friend. I'm hoping to gather my own information from informing parties from each spectrum. I'd like to start off by asking: Me, as a new sub... What are some key questions I should ask a potential Dom? Any feedback is greatly appreciated ☺

 

[poetrylover828]

I would be sure to talk about similar interests depending on if you want just a play partner or a relationship that can be just kink or also vanilla ones. Asking what kinks they are into.
Also if you keep them talking longer more of the red flag Doms will reveal themselves. If you refuse to send photos or meet up right away they either get angry or disappear. (Also stay smart and don’t invite them to yours or meet them in a private place. Always public coffee or something of the like)

 

[HisAngel]

I would be sure to talk about similar interests depending on if you want just a play partner or a relationship that can be just kink or also vanilla ones. Asking what kinks they are into.
Also if you keep them talking longer more of the red flag Doms will reveal themselves. If you refuse to send photos or meet up right away they either get angry or disappear. (Also stay smart and don’t invite them to yours or meet them in a private place. Always public coffee or something of the like)

Thank you! So, you've mentioned photos... Is that an automatic red flag if that's the first thing asked?

 

[poetrylover828]

Thank you! So, you've mentioned photos... Is that an automatic red flag if that's the first thing asked?

Yes and no. It depends a bit on the sort of photo. If they are asking/demanding for nude/kinky photos more likely to be red flag. Some people do want to share photos to try and vet others.

The main thing is that the majority of people who are decent will be willing to take it slow and meet in public places Within your timeframe.

 

[HisAngel]

Yes and no. It depends a bit on the sort of photo. If they are asking/demanding for nude/kinky photos more likely to be red flag. Some people do want to share photos to try and vet others.

The main thing is that the majority of people who are decent will be willing to take it slow and meet in public places Within your timeframe.

I got it thank you again for your much appreciated advice!

 

[nina]

If you are vetting online play partners, I think it is good to be on the same page regarding the expected frequency of contact and intensity of emotions. Often people submitting for the first time in an online mode get disappointed when they get too involved (as submission can be an intense feeling) but the dominant isn't reciprocating similarly.

 

[HisAngel]

If you are vetting online play partners, I think it is good to be on the same page regarding the expected frequency of contact and intensity of emotions. Often people submitting for the first time in an online mode get disappointed when they get too involved (as submission can be an intense feeling) but the dominant isn't reciprocating similarly.

Thank you!! I will keep such in mind while I'm talking to anyone who possibly could become my Dominant.

 

[HisAngel]

I'm a proponent of attending munches and meeting people. Hopefully, your local community will have resources or classes for learning and exploring your interests safely. KinkTalk is a good site for conversation and to learn. I'd also recommend creating a FetLife account in order to see events and the various kink interest groups in your area.

Okay, useful information there. Thank you!!

 

[shadowice0823]

so for me as a dom when I was more heavily into online play I wanted to know things like their timezone, likes, dislikes etc. I wanted to know what they were expecting out of the relationship, you would be surprised how many times a girl would say she wanted to be a sub do one play station and pretty much vanish with no word. How often you are expected to communicate. Some like just a task some like to chit chit all day. I wouldn't say pictures are a red flag, for me I wanted some kind of verification it was a girl if online play. I would work with them let them do a clothed picture doing something silly, occasionally a voice recording or something. Rarely would I let it go with no proof.

I almost forgot one of the overlooked ones, figure out if they are looking for lots of girls or just you or if they have any currently. Ask them their experience that they have, or tell them the experience you have. Give them a scenario and ask them what a task would involve with that, some can go 0-60 real quick some will start you out slow. Most of all after talking for awhile you will figure a lot of it out if they are right for you. Since you are a girl you can stay picky because you are going to have so many guys throwing themselves at you that you can afford to be picky. I hope that helps and if you have questions feel free to pm me if you like and welcome to kink talk.

 

[HisAngel]

so for me as a dom when I was more heavily into online play I wanted to know things like their timezone, likes, dislikes etc. I wanted to know what they were expecting out of the relationship, you would be surprised how many times a girl would say she wanted to be a sub do one play station and pretty much vanish with no word. How often you are expected to communicate. Some like just a task some like to chit chit all day. I wouldn't say pictures are a red flag, for me I wanted some kind of verification it was a girl if online play. I would work with them let them do a clothed picture doing something silly, occasionally a voice recording or something. Rarely would I let it go with no proof.

I almost forgot one of the overlooked ones, figure out if they are looking for lots of girls or just you or if they have any currently. Ask them their experience that they have, or tell them the experience you have. Give them a scenario and ask them what a task would involve with that, some can go 0-60 real quick some will start you out slow. Most of all after talking for awhile you will figure a lot of it out if they are right for you. Since you are a girl you can stay picky because you are going to have so many guys throwing themselves at you that you can afford to be picky. I hope that helps and if you have questions feel free to pm me if you like and welcome to kink talk.

Thank you for taking the time out to give me some good advice & fact's!! I appreciate the detail in it as well, which being new... Makes it easier to comprehend also, thank you for the welcome☺ as well as extending a helping hand! I'll keep such in mind!!

 

[nikkouk]

I think that's all really good advice. All I'd reiterate is to be clear and open with any potential dynamic. That clearly needs to go both ways. You both need too know what to expect from each other. That's not too say things can't change/evolve over time.


The photo thing is an interesting point. And one that (with online dynamics) I think can be potentially a stumbling block.

Clearly, you need to be comfortable with anything you do. Especially with sharing any sort of intimate photo. Going slow and gaining trust is key here.

As a Dom though, I ideally want some verification that you aren't a saying your someone you're not. All I would say is try to find a compromise that satisfies you both.

 

[HisAngel]

I think that's all really good advice. All I'd reiterate is to be clear and open with any potential dynamic. That clearly needs to go both ways. You both need too know what to expect from each other. That's not too say things can't change/evolve over time.


The photo thing is an interesting point. And one that (with online dynamics) I think can be potentially a stumbling block.

Clearly, you need to be comfortable with anything you do. Especially with sharing any sort of intimate photo. Going slow and gaining trust is key here.

As a Dom though, I ideally want some verification that you aren't a saying your someone you're not. All I would say is try to find a compromise that satisfies you both.

I agree. Thank you!! And yes, regarding the picture thing, I have no problem sending a picture to verify I'm actually who I say I am, that being a female... Its when my attempts isn't enough and I'm then being hounded about sending a specific nude to them. But again, thank you for taking time to give me some insight