When your switch flips on!! Need advice big time

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

First I have to get this out... I AM FUCKING LIVID, with my sub!
Yeah I'll explain in a minute. .. just need to scream right now Aàaaaaaaaaah.

Second; I need to flog my sub and then scream again Aaaaaaaah

3rd: I am the Mistress and he is the sub...so that's clear do far....

Right I'll explain...

So my sub and I had an agreement. (We are both switches of course x).

The day was going great and everything was delicious, between us.

Then we were discussing what our contract, would look like. Going over the fine details. I kept checking in on him , through the process. And he seemed fine.

Then out of nowhere he starts telling me how our seen was going, taken control ; when the control was mine....I was getting passed. So I give a punishment ( orgasms withdrawal. Yhis wet on for a few hours.

My sub was switching on me (my head was funked... still is)

Next thing is give him a task of writing a essay on why he switchbon my mid role. On one side of a A4 sheet of paper.

I also forbidden him to speak, as nothing he was saying. Was productive or wanted.


I could not stay around my sub without getting upset. Ian we both understand our roles and I thought we were both happy .
I still would not let him cum...he was not happy...started being a bit of a brat.

So I as him if he was emotionally and mentally ok and if he needed any other form of aftercare. He said no ; he was happy I asked and I was his world. I thanked him and bid goodnight.

The next morning he said he had a doctors appointment and wouldn't be able to chat.

I said OK and I hope everything was OK. I reminded my sub about the essay...he was not happy and claimed he for got the theam of yge essay . I gently reminded him of it.
I sent him a photo of myself but told him he was not aloud to comment on it. I had enough words from him yesterday.
He replied "I understand Mistress " I said "Good boy you've make Mistress happy.

Two hours later (remember we needed to put the finishing touches to our contract and the essay was due. )

He told me his mum was visiting for a few days and he inly be able to have minimal content. I said OK. Did he want to spend quality time with his mum and get back to him when she had gone..
Now here want I was thinking. That fucking slut sub of mine has switched on me AGAIN and took my control AGAIN.

I FEEL REJECTED AND OUT OF CONTROL....

I hope I've made sense. I just needed to vent.

Any feedback is welcome...

 

[MasterSadistKor]

Seems like you're having a hard time on switch dynamics...As I'm a dom myself, I can't perfectly understand the relationship between switches, but I do symphasize your feeling of getting rejected and getting out of control...If you are sure that your opponent is a switch, how about talking about this problem, and managing the way you two take turns?

 

[MasterSadistKor]

Well, what comes to my mind is that your opponent might actually be a dom, but trying to make you his sub...well, its just possibility, so I'd recommend having a good conversation with your partner about this issue

 

[jesseelizabeth]

dearisingcontrolesub/dom

I am so sorry that your sub is causing you such stress.
I know that in the home I serve, if I was, or attempted to be that disobedient, I would spend the evening nursing my soreness from the extreme bare bottom whipping I would have spent an entire day getting.
in my early days with my mistress and daddy, I had to write a lot of essays and thousands of lines on top of all of my regular chores and work inside and out of our house.
As a slave, I am forbidden to offer any advice to my superiors, but I would say only that your sub owes it to you to behave in a way that is better, and one that honors you.

SLITBL!

 

[Merlin]

Iam not a switch so i can only look at that from a dynamic point of view , but for me if i have agreed with a sub about how the dynamic is working i would assume that this is the case. So if you agreed on you being the dominant part than switching on it out of the blue seams not a good way to handle things and a clear lack of communication.

If the head isnt in to it or there are other aspects on their mind you should communicate , "Hey i dont feel submissive/dominant" today, can we just talk neutral, or switch?" is how situations like that can be handled. Saying all is fine when not in the mindset is never a good idea and learning to voice that be it as dom or sub is important, but then may require for both to take a step back out of the dynamics just to talk for a bit

Not feeling in the mindset with 2 switches i could see happening more often of course , i would assume

But my advice would not be to punish, but to talk whst went wrong. If a problem with the D/s Dynamic is the cause relying on the dynamic (punishment) seams like the wrong anle to take to solve it

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

Thanks for all replies to my post. I'll take a lot from everyone's advice.

I delay the punishment (but that sub WILL be get punishment for their behaviour, at-home point trust me).
But in the context of communication, I think we both need to chat outside our roles as Dom/Sub.

And do you know the worst parknis?..

I've just got a brand new calor with nipple clamps and took a picture of me wearing it. Now they won't see if untill my feelings have been delt will.

I think I may need a Dom ,for a good flogging , to work through this shit I'm going through....it's constantly on my brain....Aaaaah

 

[Naughty nova]

I agree with merlin. I am a switch leaning more sub. And when I was not in sub space I simply told my Daddy that I was not in that head space and he then would chose to switch to sub for a bit or we would talk neutral no scene because a power struggle in a scene can hurt the dynamic unless it's part of you dynamic. Is you sub just being bratty and trying to push your buttons or really trying go take control. If they bratty absolutely punish them. If they are trying to change the dynamic without negotiating then maybe it's not the right dynamic for either of you

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

Iam not a switch so i can only look at that from a dynamic point of view , but for me if i have agreed with a sub about how the dynamic is working i would assume that this is the case. So if you agreed on you being the dominant part than switching on it out of the blue seams not a good way to handle things and a clear lack of communication.

If the head isnt in to it or there are other aspects on their mind you should communicate , "Hey i dont feel submissive/dominant" today, can we just talk neutral, or switch?" is how situations like that can be handled. Saying all is fine when not in the mindset is never a good idea and learning to voice that be it as dom or sub is important, but then may require for both to take a step back out of the dynamics just to talk for a bit

Not feeling in the mindset with 2 switches i could see happening more often of course , i would assume

But my advice would not be to punish, but to talk whst went wrong. If a problem with the D/s Dynamic is the cause relying on the dynamic (punishment) seams like the wrong anle to take to solve it

When I asked my sub , why they were switching role mid role play. He just said he got carried away and felt like being a brat.... A fuckibg brat...now that's is a whole other dynamic...know what I mean. He said he was over stimulated and was feeling to much at once... I kept checking on then....

 

[MasterSadistKor]

Hope you don't get so stressed, and the situation you suffer from would soon be solved...and wonder if you'll accept chats from other doms then?

 

[Naughty nova]

Thanks for all replies to my post. I'll take a lot from everyone's advice.

I delay the punishment (but that sub WILL be get punishment for their behaviour, at-home point trust me).
But in the context of communication, I think we both need to chat outside our roles as Dom/Sub.

And do you know the worst parknis?..

I've just got a brand new calor with nipple clamps and took a picture of me wearing it. Now they won't see if untill my feelings have been delt will.

I think I may need a Dom ,for a good flogging , to work through this shit I'm going through....it's constantly on my brain....Aaaaah

Sometimes you need to reboot it happens. It sucks when you feel lost or out of place. Hope you two can work it out. What about the two of you using someone together. As a sub for you both. Like you Dom you sub but you both Dom another. Maybe find someone who would be available occasionally but not be a part of your dynamic on a day to day basis

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

dearisingcontrolesub/dom

I am so sorry that your sub is causing you such stress.
I know that in the home I serve, if I was, or attempted to be that disobedient, I would spend the evening nursing my soreness from the extreme bare bottom whipping I would have spent an entire day getting.
in my early days with my mistress and daddy, I had to write a lot of essays and thousands of lines on top of all of my regular chores and work inside and out of our house.
As a slave, I am forbidden to offer any advice to my superiors, but I would say only that your sub owes it to you to behave in a way that is better, and one that honors you.

SLITBL!

Trust me his ass was red raw.the worse thingvincan do to him is to be focused. A stay on the path I had planned for our session....I just don't get why he wanted to lead....slutty little slut....

Hopefully we'll sort it out on Monday x

 

[MasterSadistKor]

As on normal BDSM dynamics, communication is the most priority for both pleasure and safety for both of you. Hope you two find a way to resolve this problem you are facing.

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

Hope you don't get so stressed, and the situation you suffer from would soon be solved...and wonder if you'll accept chats from other doms then?

Yes

Seems like you're having a hard time on switch dynamics...As I'm a dom myself, I can't perfectly understand the relationship between switches, but I do symphasize your feeling of getting rejected and getting out of control...If you are sure that your opponent is a switch, how about talking about this problem, and managing the way you two take turns?

I will talk it out with him on Monday, because I just don't like feeling this way. .

Th

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

Hope you don't get so stressed, and the situation you suffer from would soon be solved...and wonder if you'll accept chats from other doms then?

I would accept chats from other doms...Private message me could do with some help!

 

[Merlin]

When I asked my sub , why they were switching role mid role play. He just said he got carried away and felt like being a brat.... A fuckibg brat...now that's is a whole other dynamic...know what I mean. He said he was over stimulated and was feeling to much at once... I kept checking on then....

I am personally no fan of bratting, but beside that bratting is a frm of play and like any other dynamic needs to be talked about ... Bratting because i felt like it is for me like " hey i know we never agreed about spanking but i felt like it"

 

[subzzzero]

The biggest thing I pulled was you’re punishing but have to not yet completed a contract agreement. Are these expectations and rules established in some form? Are you both clear on what you should do in each role?

Clothes on sober talk is needed for sure. You need to clear your head and be open minded. He communicated the upcoming limited availability. You’re coming off like you’re doubting its validity and not giving him a fair shot. One act of disobedience shouldn’t mean you carry on and drag out the negative towards him.

Myself if I was in this situation I’d say the dominant are responsible for why things did not go correctly. So you need to be sure clear expectations were in place. Make sure you have corrections for when it’s not. And find out why the sub was topping from the bottom. This could be some form of bratting or challenging in a power struggle type thing the sub enjoys. All in all this feels like you should have safe worded and stopped the scene to discuss. That would have made a clear point you were not ok. All the activities you did do just feels like a bratting funishment type thing and he probably enjoyed it.

Edit: The brat suggestion was being typed before you had posts up about it. So that’s why it seems late

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

Sometimes you need to reboot it happens. It sucks when you feel lost or out of place. Hope you two can work it out. What about the two of you using someone together. As a sub for you both. Like you Dom you sub but you both Dom another. Maybe find someone who would be available occasionally but not be a part of your dynamic on a day to day basis

Omg... I was thinking about this earlier, but I'm not sure if my switch would be OK with it.

I'll definitely think about it...thanks

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

I am personally no fan of bratting, but beside that bratting is a frm of play and like any other dynamic needs to be talked about ... Bratting because i felt like it is for me like " hey i know we never agreed about spanking but i felt like it"

Definitely needs to talked-about before hand (Bratting)..personally I have to be in the right head space for that....

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

The biggest thing I pulled was you’re punishing but have to not yet completed a contract agreement. Are these expectations and rules established in some form? Are you both clear on what you should do in each role?

Clothes on sober talk is needed for sure. You need to clear your head and be open minded. He communicated the upcoming limited availability. You’re coming off like you’re doubting its validity and not giving him a fair shot. One act of disobedience shouldn’t mean you carry on and drag out the negative towards him.

Myself if I was in this situation I’d say the dominant are responsible for why things did not go correctly. So you need to be sure clear expectations were in place. Make sure you have corrections for when it’s not. And find out why the sub was topping from the bottom. This could be some form of bratting or challenging in a power struggle type thing the sub enjoys. All in all this feels like you should have safe worded and stopped the scene to discuss. That would have made a clear point you were n.

I think your right concerning the contract , we had drafted one and he tried to take control in that situation as well.

I really really like my switch ..before this happening we were great together...

Ahhhh ..The contract needs to be finalised

But do i let what happened go and move on or what?

ot ok. All the activities you did do just feels like a bratting funishment type thing and he probably enjoyed it.

Edit: The brat suggestion was being typed before you had posts up about it. So that’s why it seems late

Omg...this make so mush sense...in a nutshell.

 

[LossingcontroleSub/Dom]

I think your right concerning the contract , we had drafted one and he tried to take control in that situation as well.

I really really like my switch ..before this happening we were great together...

Ahhhh ..The contract needs to be finalised

But do i let what happened go and move on or what?

Omg...this make so mush sense...in a nutshell.

He
did say yo me St one point..." I'm just been a brat" I just brushed it of by say "brat...that's a whole other topic " and left it.

I was fuming so much that i forgot about...slutty little sub