Why am I submissive to this weirdo woman? Is this my kink?

[Silvana 1975]

If you get sexual pleasure from being humiliated, then yes, you would fall under the definition of a masochist. Some masochists require physical pain for sexual gratification, but others are aroused by various forms of emotional domination and/or humiliation without physical pain. In the "vanilla" world, the terms sadist and masochist have somewhat negative connotations (and tend to be thought of in non-sexual terms), but in the kink world, they are simply words to describe the things that turn some people on. Masochism, as with any kink, is completely normal as long as it does not cause significant problems or disruption in your life. It sounds like you are starting to accept, and even enjoy this newly-discovered part of your sexuality and I'm glad that you don't seem to be as distressed by it as you were.

I joined this forum 13 months ago because i was letting this weirdo small ginger woman to grope me. You helped me with your advices, but she just kept groping me. This small skinny ginger "satin toucher" woman would place her hands on me at any occasion for two months from January 2020 until March 2020. She was constantly feeling me up. I was extremely accommodating in order to avoid conflict with this weird touchy feely ginger ugly woman and stir the pot. This weirdo ginger was the first woman who groped me, but i was groped by two other short skinny older ugly masculine women in January/February/March 2020. I realized that i really have a problem with being able to say "no" to this type of women(short,older,masculine,skinny) . I don't know why? Maybe because they are total opposite of me. Maybe subconsciously i know that these short older lesbian women are not physically threatening to me at all, and the chances that these handsy women could actually rape me are virtually nil. For some reason i cannot, do not, fight this type of women off as i would some male who groped me.



Actually this whole social distancing/six feet distance/lockdown kinda saved me. I haven't been groped by another woman since March 2020. I had my weirdest experiences with these weird small skinny creepy old "touchy feely" women. 6 months ago i even started online therapy to get some help sorting out my shit. You encouraged me with your advices to start therapy. It is a video chatting/tele-therapy. I see my therapist through Skype. We talk as much as I need. It works really well. I told her about this forum. My therapist thinks that i am bicurious submissive. She says that i should embrace my submissive side. My therapist suggested that i should write in the form of stories in details all the incidents on this forum. She says that i should share my experiences. She says that I should write out everything that happened in the form of stories. She thinks that i need to share every single experience. She says that writing is therapeutic. So I will give it a try.

 

[Silvana 1975]

Attraction


Attraction or lack thereof is irrelevant when the person activates your kink in some way. It's possible that you being repulsed by her actually makes the humiliation (and your arousal from it) even stronger. In other words, it might not be so humiliating if you were submitting to someone you were attracted to, but the fact that you completely give in to this disgusting woman makes it that much more of a humiliation and therefore deepens the arousal from it.

The fact that you believe a lot of people view you as an arrogant snob may actually intensify your reactions to being humiliated by that woman as well. Whether or not others actually view you that way doesn't really matter. In your mind, you may think they are enjoying seeing you "taken down a peg", and that potentially adds to your humiliation and how you get turned on by it.

Just as an aside, it's not my kink, but from what I understand there are quite a number of Dom-sub relationships in which the Dom and sub do not have sex with each other. I have a friend who is a submissive. His wife knows about and is understanding of his kink, but unfortunately is not very comfortable acting as a Dominant to him. So, he has sessions with a professional dominatrix, with his wife's knowledge and approval (and her input to the Dominatrix as to what is and isn't allowed). He doesn't have sex with the dominatrix (his wife would definitely not accept that!), he just acts as a submissive to her. He then goes home and has sex with his wife.

January 2020. I'm part of a book club. We meet once a month in local landmark independent bookstore. The meetings are very public (same space they use for author signings and readings), we sat in rows, and the group is large. This skinny really short like 5ft3 tall wrinkled face thin lips green eyes gray haired masculine 57 year old woman who works in the bookstore is the book club president.


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On that day i went on the book club meeting. I was wearing a black and white striped long sleeve satin blouse buttoned up to the top tucked into black leather leggings and 5 inch heels black shoes. I had my long black fur coat over my shoulders. I had full make up on. I got out of the car. There were 17 women in their 40s and 50s book club members mingling outside waiting for it to start. The book club president walked up to me and we started small talk. Then i saw this weirdo small satin toucher ginger woman standing in the middle of the parking lot. She came RUSHING up when she saw me and placed her both hands on my collar bones and started rubbing up and down my upper breasts n the most awkward way( her face was exactly the level of my breasts). She said
to me " You have a beautiful blouse. Wow. Big woman you are always so elegant and classy. You are so shiny. You are a giantess, because of your body type anything you wear looks tight on you. You are such a massive woman. I read alot. I have read well over 500 books. That is why i joined this book club "

Then this weird small ginger just lowered her both hands and started fully rubbing my breasts. I backed up and looked at her and she just kept rubbing. So fucking weird. She was patting and rubbing my breasts

Then this weirdo small ginger woman started explaining to the book club president about her fascination with me .

" I'm totally fascinated with Silvana. Like, how the heck is there such a massive, elegant , classy woman dressed in all this satin? So, I just rub her all over. It's impossible not to. I've given up. She is letting me. She is sooo tall and big and soft! "The whole time while she was talking she kept rubbing and feeling up my breasts, which I didn't knew how to take. She just kept rubbing up and down my breasts with her both hands while she was explaining stuff to me and the book club president.
It was just awkward. I was just standing there stiff as a board while she was feeling up my boobs . Also my coat was over my shoulders(balancing a coat on your shoulders isn’t easy. Your shoulders must remain lifted, keeping the luxe fabric from slipping off and down your back.) I was just standing there kind of awkwardly letting it happen. The book club president was kinda shocked and speechless. She finally suggested that we should go inside, the ginger stopped rubbing my breasts and we all went inside.

I took my coat off and hung it on a coat hanger by the door.
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Then i sat on a chair in the last row and this small ugly weird ginger sat beside me on my left side, started petting my left upper arm and shoulder with her right hand and said "Big woman, you have a beautiful blouse. you are so shiny. I just can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric because It's just so soft and smooth to touch when rubbing. I love this feel . The softness, the way that my hands and slips and slides on the fabric is out of this world. It is not sexual at all. I don't like to wear silk or satin clothes but I just can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric because It's just so soft and smooth to touch when rubbing."
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Then this small masculine book club president woman started started her discussion about the book she choose(Every Breath by Nicholas Sparks) ,so we all just sat there listening to our book club president host speaking. The ginger just kept petting my left shoulder and upper arm with her right hand and said “ Big woman I know I’m invading your personal space but I can’t help it. This satin material It's just so soft and smooth to touch when rubbing.”





She just proceeded to rub my left shoulder with her right hand. I tolerated her petting. So she just kept slowly petting all over my left shoulder and upper back.
The book club president just kept rambling on and on about the book. It felt like a religious indoctrination session. Then this small masculine BCP woman started circling the room. She walked from woman to woman, but she only stopped behind my chair and placed her hands on my shoulders. The ginger finally removed her hand and stopped petting me.






So the BCP continued her discussion, while she was resting her hands on my shoulders for like 10 minutes. It was awkward. That was my ninth book club meeting. She always circled the room during her discussions, but she has never even touched me before. That was the first time she placed her hands on me. She just kept talking about the book . So after like 10 minutes the BCP finally removed her hands from my shoulders and started circling the room again. Small weird ginger immediately started petting my upper back again.


TO BE CONTINUED

 

[gbdare]

I'm glad that you are seeing a therapist to help you sort through this and I'm interested to hear more of your stories.

 

[Silvana 1975]

I'm glad that you are seeing a therapist to help you sort through this and I'm interested to hear more of your stories.

More happened at the book club meeting. I will write down everything in details. I was groped by these women on multiple occasions in January/February/March 2020. I realized that i really have a problem with being able to say "no" to this type of women(short,older,masculine,skinny) . I don't know why?