I am a 65 year old married male.
I track my obsession with BDSM and other kinks to my early years.
I had two older girl cousins who lived next to me and at about 3rd grade they used to gang up on me and tie me up and tease me and tickle me. I found it arousing and started getting erections from it.
My aunt, their mom about a year later punished me for something I do not recall with an over the knee underwear pulled down bare hand spanking. I got hard as a rock and the wicked smile on her face sealed the deal. After it was over and she told me to stand up, she looked at my pre teen hard on and she just laughed. I pulled up my pants and ran away, never telling anyone what had happened.
Since then I have always found Kink so arousing, but I kept it well hidden for decades.
Now fast forward and when I was 26 years old, bartending I met a girl who came in to listen to the band. She was the spitting image of Pat Benatar. This is the early 1980's and she is dressed in skin tight, black leather pants and a white silky top with stiletto heels. She hung at at the waitress station all night and we exchanged flirts.
When the night was over, we wound up at her place. Smoked a little weed and started discussing likes and dislikes. That is when she told me she enjoyed dominating guys by tying them up and pegging them with a strap on. Well I was just in the right frame of mind to not run away and she sensed the "interest" in my eyes I guess.
That night was the first night that I equated incredible sex with BDSM. Not sure how she picked me out as someone who would be a willing partner? I wonder sometimes if we put out unspoken signals that can be picked up by others with similar tastes?
Those three events started and cemented by BDSM journey.
Fast forward 10 years later in my mid 30's and I get married to a wonderful sexy woman. I never mention my secret kinks and we have nice vanilla sex for 25 years. After the kids are grown and out of the house we had a lot more time on our hands and got back into romance. One night I bravely started to tell her about my sexual wants. I was waiting for the you are a pig look, but instead she just said I wish you would have told me that 25 years ago we could have had a lot of fun. Since then I have been buying her outfits and toys and restraints and we have been learning a lot about each other again. Never too late.
Not sure if the Kink gene is something some of us are born with, or if it just something we pick up along the way.